Suicidal thoughts

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I am having thoughts of suicide lately. I have lost my hope, grasp, and motivation for almost everything. Too long for me to fully post whats going on

I'm sorry you feel this way. A hug for you.

You have lots going for you.

What's causing all this?

I feel no motivation anymore and I see no results from the gym, so I want to give up. I have no friends, no one wants to be my friend. Anyone who does its because they do not know the real me, I have to wear long sleeve shirts to cover up my scratches. The ones I did to myself. I can't get therapeutic help for 8 weeks, the general hospital program for autism cannot help me, there are hardly any groups or meetings for people like myself.
I tried telling a friend I am feeling suicidal but I have a feeling she is just burdened and doesn't want anything to do with it.
I can't tell my parents they will have me committed, the crisis lifelines keep getting disconnected and one of them was impatient and hostile, I certainly can't tell my boss because she would fire me thinking I am a danger to be around.

You could join a club or church to meet new friends,

You know what bothers me the most, is that no one cares. Even on this site, I see others make a post when they are at their most hopeless and they wanna just end it, BOOM 17-30 replies. To those who did thank you, for taking time out of your day to say something to someone who is at the end of their rope. Who is scratching, biting his arm, and punching himself in the face.
Its like this with the whole world, you can tell someone you wanna jump they just walk away or ignore you. If someone told me they wanna kill themselves, I don't care who it is no one deserves to suffer this. I'd take time out of my even if it is 10 minutes to tell the person someone cares about you and you don't deserve to die.

I feel your pain. I used to be there myself.

It took me a couple of hospitalizations and a few changes in my medications, and a few years of therapy, to reach where I am now.

Building yourself up can be done, but it cannot be done in a vacuum, and it takes a lot of long, hard and unfiltered looks at oneself.

I have to take the bus a couple of counties away to see my psychiatrist because nobody in my county accepts my health insurance. But I go through with it because I am f*****g worth it.

Take a few healthy risks. I do not know your relationship with your parents, so I cannot comment on that. But you do need to make more of an effort to reach out, which is the toughest thing in the world, I know. We all face that, aspie or not. The fact that you are reaching out here proves that you have bigger balls than people who sweep their problems under a rug in an attempt to appear invincible.

Be a squeaky wheel until you get the grease you need, and have no shame about it.

I do not know what healthy risks are. I feel very hopeless and do not know what I am supposed to do. Nearest therapist is not for 8 weeks. That is the closest I can get an appointment.

I'm sorry banebear. I know the feeling all too well. I also know the feeling of not wanting to be committed which essentially makes one keep their mouth shut.. Which doesn't help.
The one plus about potentially going to a hospital is that they will see you Now and try to help you now which it sounds like you need - not an 8wk wait. (And it doesn't mean you'll be locked up forever).

As for people on the forum, i don't know about others, but i tend to just look at posts that are active that moment. I happened to look at the haven unrelated, or i wouldn't have seen this.. So, quite possibly others do this as well and it has nothing specifically to do with you (they would say something if they knew).

I started a post a while ago for people to add things they do that help them when reallyyy down. I'll try to find it...maybe something there can help you hang in there. But...maybe think about telling your mom or even just taking yourself to the er? You will always have an out - even in a hospital, so if it reaches that point, i do hope you try that first.

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=303887
viewtopic.php?t=70427

You get used to having no hope, grasp or motivation after a while.

How are you doing banebear?

I just now saw this thread. I can identify with severe depression and not being able to get an appt for wks. The same thing happened to me several years ago. I felt as if i could NOT go on...but with a husband and 3 young children, i could not bear to leave them. I would say that their presence probably saved my life at that time--i couldn't even think about doing anything.

I came to the conclusion, after that experience, that there is a pain that the human heart cannot know unless one has been there. It is so deep...i was fortunate to have a great uncle who had experienced severe depression and wanting to die--he was very open about his experiences and it encouraged me to not give up at the time.

I would tell you the same thing. As someone who has been there--i feel your pain. There are no words for the pain of that dark, dark night of the soul. But...it can get better. Mine took time, but slowly and surely i did recover. I am able to function mostly normally now, although i do see some residual neurological things. But they are minor and i can live with them. Don't give up.

Feel free to pm me if you wish.

BaneBear,

Hang in there. I know it's hard to believe when your world has gone black and it seems no one gives a rat's, but things do get better.

Let us know how you're getting on when you can.

Hugs,
Lockheart

I don't know what to tell you Bane except you have my best wishes. As for people not responding earlier, it has nothing to do with you, sometimes posts just get buried, sometimes people are following a single post and don't see new ones. Lots of stuff going on there that's not even remotely connected to you as a person.

Do you have any stress relief activities you can do? Or perhaps since the gym has been a drain lately you could find some different or new activity to try out. I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but have you considered taking time to invest in that relationship? That could lead to positive outcomes without even leaving the house.

To be honest it sounds like you've been through hell already...would seem like a real waste if you weren't around to enjoy it when things started to swing upwards.

I am struggling a bit with money but I am a slight more calm. I was recently given a list of referrals to mental health facilities where I can finally find a doctor to help me. I still feel intense isolation, here is a beautiful weekend and I am not doing anything with anyone. All the people who ever got close shunned me and I do not want to give anyone else that burden.