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My experience with oneness

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PUSHPINDER
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19 Feb 2016, 1:44 am

It was ard 16 years ago when I was 21 years old. I was always in search for myself. My boundaries were very weak and almost non existent. I never felt real and felt as if I have no solid sense of myself or I. I could always notice this talk in my head or the internal dialogue or discussion. I as conscious and I as subconscious. Thoughts from subconscious over which I had no control and the conscious I which was weak and I really wanted control over myself. So there was always this internal conflict. Once in a while I used to do unguided meditation as well. It happened twice and everytime in the bathroom. It used to feel as if some thought I missed had I been able to get it things would have been so simple. It happened third time and I let it come and I felt as if I'm sinking into some Whirlpool mentally. It lasted for like 15 seconds and when I returned to my normal consciousness I realized I was not there. My identity had fallen and I wasn't there and only this moment was left which was everywhere and wherever I saw it was one and everything had a glow to it and it was like the first time I had seen all those things in such brilliance around me. They all were glowing and it felt that it was all a part of that moment and I had become moment itself. My all past disappeared and so did future. When some one addressed me by my name or you I could not relate myself to it and when I looked at myself in mirror I was like slightly behind my body. And I knew this is what I had been searching for and it was relaxation. It lasted for like 9 days and then gradually my normal regular identity started to Appear again. So it's been 16 years that I still search for that oneness. Even tho I feel I'm much closer to it than ever but yet to merge in it again. :heart:



ImAnAspie
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19 Feb 2016, 3:55 am

Nope! With me, it's always just been the three of us. Me, myself and I.

I've always known who I was and have always been comfortable with myself, although, I didn't know I had Aspergers until I was 40.

I've always been comfortable with myself. I know me better than anyone else does. I'm self sufficient.


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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.


AspE
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19 Feb 2016, 11:12 am

PUSHPINDER wrote:
It was ard 16 years ago when I was 21 years old. I was always in search for myself. My boundaries were very weak and almost non existent. I never felt real and felt as if I have no solid sense of myself or I. I could always notice this talk in my head or the internal dialogue or discussion. I as conscious and I as subconscious. Thoughts from subconscious over which I had no control and the conscious I which was weak and I really wanted control over myself. So there was always this internal conflict. Once in a while I used to do unguided meditation as well. It happened twice and everytime in the bathroom. It used to feel as if some thought I missed had I been able to get it things would have been so simple. It happened third time and I let it come and I felt as if I'm sinking into some Whirlpool mentally. It lasted for like 15 seconds and when I returned to my normal consciousness I realized I was not there. My identity had fallen and I wasn't there and only this moment was left which was everywhere and wherever I saw it was one and everything had a glow to it and it was like the first time I had seen all those things in such brilliance around me. They all were glowing and it felt that it was all a part of that moment and I had become moment itself. My all past disappeared and so did future. When some one addressed me by my name or you I could not relate myself to it and when I looked at myself in mirror I was like slightly behind my body. And I knew this is what I had been searching for and it was relaxation. It lasted for like 9 days and then gradually my normal regular identity started to Appear again. So it's been 16 years that I still search for that oneness. Even tho I feel I'm much closer to it than ever but yet to merge in it again. :heart:

I had a similar experience. I wouldn't get caught up in trying to recreate it. It's best to treat the feeling like getting used to a new temperature in the bath, you're still in the hot water, so there is no need to get in a second time.