Aspergers impacts my dating ability

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Long time since I wrote on here. Been busy with normal life stuff. Travelling, uni work, new jobs and the related stuff.

Though the past few months I am starting to see adverse impacts from my AS symptoms is causing my dating ability to fail. Its so disappointing and causing me at loss. Turning 25 next week without experiences of romance, relationship and sex is very scary. I have endless opportunities meeting women. I have no trouble meeting them and having them as friends. My life is great, except being involuntarily celibate. Age is getting later and older and older with AS symptoms becoming clear cut reasons of why I can't get it.

I am not a perfect writer nor speaker. I have done programs trying to make my English perfect, but my brain cannot process that perfectly. Yet though I still have a thesis offer accepted to finish my Masters degree. I still have a job and that. In this area no one blaming my poor communication abilities because of AS and hearing loss influences.

But when come to dating world, it just too impossible. I liked this girl I just met and she friend zoned me right away just very similar to all rejections I had in the past. How so possible for AS male with so many life stuff finally get a relationship and sex experiences? I am not going to be happy for rest of my life because I am concerned of my welfare and health. I learned from my psychologist that having a good healthy brain/mental ability, great genes and wellbeing is to have great social and biological connection. I have social connection but no biological connection. That what drags me down.

I don't want to fall into bad reputation like everyone I hear about still struggle in their 30's. I made a lot of effort, trying my best to make things right. But instead I hurt the girl's feelings because I said I would end myself over the rejection. My brain is always tend to meltdown because there is no cures to fix this silly Aspergers 'scare people away' symptoms.

Been talking to counselors for billion of years and nothing has changed. Only changed is the things I aware more of and I learnt so many strategies. Even these kind of stuff that people aren't really good at around my age. I asked people in my age about communication strategies, and they said they have no idea. Well looks like my AS is a curse in this world.

I thought I am having a chance to find someone because I felt comfortable with and I actually see her quite comfortable clearly too. Then things goes wrong. I am always positive, talk appropriate things and always hang out with common interests. I always busy working volunteer and everything what make life is hectic. I am totally fine with that. It just that I couldn't get a chance getting acceptable lady. I need closeness and that. Otherwise I won't learn anything.

How possible I learn things without practical applications? Counselors and that set bad example because they are not the world or people I see for rest of my life since they aren't my friends. I always listen people. In meltdowns it appears I can't listen, but more than 95% of the time I did listened.

But I can't handle continue living like this, because I always been asked to forget about finding someone but that appears like giving up and showing disinterest to them. I can't see that going to help my situation? I felt like a 15 year old child than being 25!

You're accumulating the accomplishments in areas other than women. You should be proud of yourself.

My advice: put women on the Back Burner until you finish your studies--or until that magical moment happens, when you and a woman see eye-to-eye (literally!)

Referring to yourself as involuntarily celibate is an excellent way to send girls running for the hills. It's a term exclusive to creepsters.

Have you considered dating girls with disabilities?

Asking your friends to set you up?

Finding friends you don't feel the need to subject to unsolicited lectures on effective communication?

Having a less judgemental attitude towards your peers for having age-appropriate dating experiences? ie not insisting girls who enjoy the occasional drink or night out at the pub or who have three ex-boyfriends are evil because, well, they sometimes like a beer and find dating fun.

I hope that worth my time because I have done so many things in my life for myself. I am happy to have that and it is making me livable. I hope all of my efforts make attraction to women to partner with me and spend time together sharing experiences with common interests and values.

I never thought that scaring women away. I wasn't even trying to scare anyone away.

I have friends, and they are helpful for me because they give me opportunities to learn about the mainstream perspectives. They never got upset about me lecturing them. I had to explain and be assertive about my feelings and perspectives in the situations such as meltdowns, social anxiety and social miscue. My friends are pleased with me helping them to understand my awareness, more focused on my hearing loss though.

Years ago I had an attitude towards women about the alcohol, because I grew up with my family drinking and all of the miscommunication from them is traumatic. Now days I easily find what kind of person by being friends with them to determine what social attitudes they have whether they drink or not. I cannot handle having a drunk girlfriend/wife because its too over processing for me and I can sense a risk of meltdowns from there. I had several meltdowns during a conversation with my family when they are drinking. The tone of voice and that becomes off key from them, as you know the symptoms of people with alcohol with more than 2 or 3 beers or wine glasses.

My friends I met do drink but they are not like college demand of drinking. They are environmentally like minded. Vegetarians, vegans, likes ride bikes, goes to quiet music dinner hang outs, traveling and that. They told me they hated college because of too much alcoholism and feralism. Though of course I have met environmentally like minded people who get drunk and do silly things. But I never made friends with them, but not trying to make an assumption of being rude of who they are and what they do. It just the conversation level is not comfortable to be a friend. it just an emotion connection that you can tell if the person is your friend or not.

I met other kind of campaign group called socialist alternative. They are like minded people to me too, but their tactics are on the extreme side. They tend to get arrested in protests an sit ins. They are nice people to me, but they don't know more about diversity and inclusiveness because they kept focusing on campaigning and never had their own times to think about.

So that helps me to learn what kind of women I like to be with, and eventually get married. I want someone to understand my ASD symptoms is not an end of the world for the relationship and life. I want them to know that my symptoms never meant to harm someone. Like the examples of NT-AS marriage and relationships I read online. These couples made great awareness of how easily possible for AS guy being in relationship/marriage with NT girl.

wow! I could say exactly that! Except changing "women" for "men". But it's exactly that!

That only refers to dumb girls (and white knights) like you, Katy.