My daughter is neurotypical but I have asperger's syndrome.

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I'm a mother of a happy, healthy, neurotypical daughter. She is my first born child and I've been learning so much about parenting. The only thing is that I have Asperger's syndrome and its been a struggle trying to understand the difference between when my baby is hungry, tired, needs a diaper changed, or just wants my complete attention. I've been looking online for tips for parents with autism/asperger's. But all I've read were neurotypical parents raising children with autism/asperger's. Nothing on the other way around. It would be so nice if anyone has information and/or advice on parents WITH autism. Or maybe anyone themselves is an aspie parent that is experienced and could offer advice. I'll very much appreciated it.

From what I've heard, most parents find figuring out what their baby wants a struggle, regardless of neurology.

All you can do is try to guess, and see what works to calm the baby down.

My daughter usually naps around 11 AM and when she is being very naughty and won't stay out of trouble, off to bed. If she has already napped and she is still fussing and screaming and getting into trouble, she is probably hungry. Also your baby getting into food or trying to eat uneatable things is also another sign they are hungry. Even babies have instincts to just get food when they're hungry but they don't really know what food is and what isn't. Also if they keep going into the kitchen is another sign. They know that is where food is kept. All these things have had to be spelled out to me by my mother and it would never occur to me she is hungry and she still has to tell me to feed her. Also my daughter goes to bed between 7-8 unless she has had a long nap and woke up late.

Do you have a husband? Mine can read ours better than I can and the other day he knew our daughter was scared and thought we were going to leave her and I just thought she was having a tantrum because she didn't want to be in her crib while we go out and check my oil in my car and she will see we didn't leave her when I come back and get her out of the crib when we're done. But my husband insisted I go get her out of the crib and she can sit in the car.

But I think it gets easier because once they start to actually talk, they will now use words like 'eat' or 'food' or asking for something to eat or saying they are hungry.

League_Girl, I'm a single mother and my daughter's dad is currently not in the picture. There were times I asked her grandparents to watch her because it gets kind of stressful sometimes. I always assume that my daughter is hungry or has a dirty diaper when she gets fussy. I have a hard time getting her to take a nap and I've tried a lot of ways to get her to sleep. She is at the age where she is going through the separation anxiety stage and I can't leave the room with her crying. Sometimes I couldn't put her down with her crying. Also she is getting her teeth and is chewing on anything she can get ahold of. Its confusing for me because I would think she's hungry. Sometimes I would have to put her in her crib and walk away because I can't handle her crying for too long; I have an sensory issue with any loud noises. I can't keep my daughter preoccupied and entertained no matter how many toys I put in front of her while I'm cleaning or cooking. She always ends up wanting my attention over her toys, and I give her what she wants to make her happy.

Little children can not really play with toys for themselfs, I'd let mine 'help' with everything: put a chair to stand on next to you on the sink when preparing things and let her play with save real things, big spoons, woodenspoons, water, little boxes and so on, clean or relax when she's asleep. Make everything save, specially the lower cupboards, its so much fun getting everything out of them and putting that (with some support) back in. Opening and closing them for hours, and even with daily accidents, let them give their little help, searching the dustpan for instance.

The important thing to keep in mind is that children go through developmental phases. This attached-to-your-leg phase is normal, and will likely pass within a few months. I remember having a tough time when my first kid went through it, but you just have to remind yourself it's only for a little while. Also, if you need to let the baby cry in a crib or playpen for a few minutes while you collect/calm yourself, that's okay. Babies cry; it won't kill them (it might even put them to sleep. Bonus!)

I'm in the same boat. Only I'm older and so are my kids. I've got one NT, one diagnosed ADHD, one suspected ADHD, and one too little to diagnose. They're 14, 8, 6, and 3.

It really was hard with the oldest. We played what I called Twenty Solutions. I had no clue what she wanted unless that clock said it was about time to eat...

So we started with checking the clock, then the diaper, then whether she might be hot/cold, then for fever, then whether something might be hurting her, whether she might have gas, on and on until we either solved the problem or got to the end of the list and assumed she was either tired or bored.

Babies cry. Babies cry A LOT. Babies cry even if you're the mother of the year.

It gets easier when they learn to speak. Or at least to speak with their hands (show you what they still can't tell you).

How old is your baby? frequently being inconsolable or irritable sounds a bit like teething. It helps me to make a list of things and go down the list checking diaper, thirst, hunger, boredom, too hot/cold etc etc. I relied on Dr Sear's Baby Book for my first 2 babies, til they were able to talk to me. Now I have it memorized and can go through the lists almost without conscious thought. It's such a great book and if money is tight, the library usually has it.

Both of my children wanted my attention like this when they were babies. My son even now, at 3, will still want me, and only me, to pay attention to him, all day long.

When he was a newborn, I checked diaper, then fed him, burped him, changed him, and let him sleep. When he started being awake more, but didn't let me put him down, I wore him in a baby carrier. It helped as he could be involved in what I was doing, and I didn't have to keep up with his mental/social demands, yet he was still kept close, which is what he wanted most. Since he didn't like napping alone, or out of my arms, he would be worn through his naps. He would be on my back, in a carrier, 6-10 hours a day. If he wasn't eating/nursing, getting bathed, or getting changed, he was wrapped on me. (He still gets wrapped when he has had a long day, or is not behaving when we are out. I seldom go anywhere without a carrier as 3 year olds are too curious for their own good).

I would recommend you try something like that. Always check diaper, food, and then you. If she is resistant to being by herself, look for a local babywearing group. They can often have you try something. There are multiple forums for babywearing, as well as lots of research.

I have AS and have four kids but I didn't know I had it when they were born. I also knew diddly about babies except what I learned working in a hospital nursery. Mine are NT, but info think my youngest son has a touch of AS like I do, but I didn't start suspecting until he was basically grown and he isn't interested.

That being said, here is how I coped when I didn't know I had anything wrong that would hamper my coping.

When my baby cried I would pick him.up immediately and hold him. I'd check his diaper right away and if it was time for him to be hungry or close to it, I'd offer food. If not I would Rock him and hold him and walk with him and all that until I found what he wanted. It's a process of elimination. Sometimes it's a diaper and sometimes he just has to burp.

I had no maternal.instincts really. They had to be found with my first. I loved him the minute I saw him but I was clueless about anything but clinical type caretaking. Diaper, food, gas, holding. That's what I had learned working there, and when a baby was just very fussy usually the mother held him instead. So when they brought him into my room and left him there asleep I was OK. He woke up and cried and I picked him up and panicked because I didn't know what to do! I even bounced him a little and hoped he would go back to sleep but he cried louder and I actually cried and said "What's wrong? What do you want me to do?". Then he looked at me all surprised and cried more but I checked the diaper, offered the food, and when he didn't want that I just held him cuddled up and relaxed and looked at him and rocked him until he fell right back to sleep and that one little victory made me think I could maybe do this.

And I could. And you can. It takes time to be able to tell what a hungry cry sounds like and a tired cry and a poopy cry and a lonely cry etc. You learn it by checking the possible things each time, and over time without realizing it you'll start to recognize the different cries. If your baby has different ones. Some all sound the same. That's not your fault and no big deal. Check everything. Check to see if something's hurting them.if nothing works. Sometimes a thread from the sleeper can get wrapped around the toe or the diaper tape can be stuck to the skin or whatever. Fix that and cuddle and love on him.

I used to just hold mine a lot. Mine were born in the late 80s and the 90s and I had my first in the hospital but I was into that attachment parenting and holding them a lot. I also did home birth. I was Mrs all natural earth mother huh lol. But it worked and gave me.confidence because I'd bond very strongly with my babies.

The one thing I couldn't do is play with them. I was an only child myself and a pretty weird one and I never played like other kids did. I tried playing with mine. Dolls, tea party, push a truck around. I did not like it and saw no point in it so I'd talk to them while they played. I'd read to them and watch TV with them and do crafts with them. We would go to the park and they would play. But I also never did that baby talk to talking down to them.or that whole sweetie weetie have a bite of this nice corn for mommy wommy thing either. I spoke to them like adults and expected them to understand me. I'd explain words or concepts that were new but I'd use a conversational tone like I would with an adult and answer their questions or respond to them usually with exactly what I knew the answer to be, and while I knew that quite a few times the answers I gave my kids were not one other parents would give, I knew they would be better off for it and learn better.

Of course I lied about Santa and the Easter Bunny and all but if the cat died I would tell them. If they asked if a shot would hurt Id say yep bit not for long. I wouldn't sugar coat too much or treat too much stuff like it's a huge traumatic deal and it wasn't. Yes they were sad when the cat died. They should have been it was their pet. But it was not asleep and it did not run away and I did not take it to a farm. We had a funeral and buried it. When they asked what happens after that I actually explained. They said OK and asked why. I told them biology and its complicated and they will learn it in science, but it happens. It's normal and OK.

That's just some examples. I'm fully capable of doing that whole sweet baby talk and the usual talking down and sugar coating that I see some parents do, but I never saw the point and hated it myself as a child. In fact I hated the word child as a child and didn't want anything to do with being less than the intellectual equal of an adult. So I just assumed my kids might feel that way too. I decided I err on the side of caution in my world and treat them like I had wanted to be treated and if they didn't get it or like it or whatever I could back off until they were more chill and able to handle things. I never had to back off once. Not too much and too blunt, but always with the same respect ID give an adult when it came to talking in a way they could understand.

That doesnt mean I let them make adult decisions. My house, my rules, I'm.grown and have more experience, that's why I get to decide. You can decide something for your sister later since your older but for now I'm.in charge and I make the majority of the decisions. And that was that.

They were not angels. Oh dear God no. I had a four year old and the three more 18 months apart. At home, alone, while my husband worked. And usually I had no car. So some days I wondered how I would make it and others I enjoyed every minute almost. The main thing is I did it my own way and learned about what I needed to do as the situation arose and I decided what I wanted to do and did it. I didn't read books to tell me what to decide, just to tell me of this rash was Rosella or how much Tylenol per pound to give. I chose my experts based on what I wanted to know about and didn't look to them.for everything.

I'd read about ideas for picky and eaters or for bad sleepers or for potty training, but I'd just pick a way and do it. Most things you do aren't going to screw them up. You can usually correct almost anything and unless you do something aweful, there is no need to worry. And you sound like you have more than enough sense not to do anything awful.

I don't know if this helps at all or not. It's how I did it, and back then I had no clue I had AS. My kids are grown now and we have great relationships. Three still live here but they are 19, 21 and 23. I have a grandbaby who lives with my son and I have some really cool kids who are sometimes surprisingly empathetic, compassionate, mature, nice, kids. Much better than I ever expected to be able to teach them to be. So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If there is anything else you want to know, just ask me.

Good luck. You can do it. It's not rocket science. You will mess up,more than once too, but everybody does and you didn't ruin anything. It'll be OK.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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