Accepting being Disabled

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This is my first post in the Haven..but here goes... I have finally accepted being disabled..

I got on SSDI/SSI at 18, and it grandfathered me through my dad for SSDI. Despite never working...

Some would say i have it made, and i never have to work, yet am totally medically covered, and make a decent amount to live on. at least by myself...

But the truth is, Its hard, despite my physical chronic pain, and Aspergers, as well as other mental issues...

making it near impossible to work full time or even part time..without losing interest, hurting to much, or just plain becoming scared of bullying in workplace, or becoming overwhelmed in a demanding poisition... Ex: Being cashier on a busy day at grocery...

Or as empathetic as working at shelter for animals and watching them die or end up at the shelter because nobody wanted them...Would break my heart to much to see....

You could say, deep down i desire to work, to help others and earn a living...

But i think accepting this is my life, and i want to share it with someone, is better then fighting it.

Ive been taken advantage of very single man i get with...and when i say get with , its usually online first then RL. After 6+ months of knowing them or even 5+ years of knowing them.

I am single after 2 years of a Engagement to Disabled man. He was older, and unlike me...He was just physically disabled. Which promoted its own unique problems...


On the subject of my disability impacting more then just relationships with me...

It impacts the fact i cant drive, have social anxiety...( refuse to ride buses, make phone calls etc)...

My mentals make living a normal life so hard, that the likely hood is my parents will be assisting me until they die. Through HUD housing, helping me with grocery shopping and even a eventual service dog.

Sigh so much writing, but i am glad its out... Scatter brained, but out.

If you have physical problems like pain that prevent you from working, or severe mental or neurological problems that prevent you from working, then it is reasonable to accept disability and give up on working for the foreseeable future.

But if you are having the issues that you mentioned like not being able to drive, having social anxiety, not having much life skills, then I think age 22 is too early to accept being disabled in terms of never working or always being dependent on your parents.

You are still young, and you have time to learn many skills and ways to deal with or reduce anxiety, so I think it is better to go on that path than accept that you can't do XYZ.

Btbnnyr posted a good comment. I just want to add a few things onto that...

If you have a dream job you really want- don't give up on it. Perhaps some interest or hobby you really enjoy, turn that into a job perhaps? I know with SSI/SSI-D (and other variants that are around I think), you can earn money and they wont take away benefits. Just need to make sure you read the fine print. In the long run- its up to you, but its something to think about.

I know how it feels to be disabled. I took years to come to the realization. My physical health issues combined with my mental health and Asperger's make it currently impossible to hold a job or take care of myself without the assistance of my parents. I will have to rely on them for many years most likely.

I am on disability benefits as well(life long with no chance of review), some people think that its the jackpot or that I am lucky but I would way rather be healthy and able to work if I could as well as take part in all the other areas of life I am missing out on.

I keep working on my health to try and improve it, and hope to someday volunteer part time, or maybe even train to become a peer support worker. You may want to look into being a peer support worker, its a job with flexible hours and may be what you are looking for if you enjoy helping others.

If you have goals, make sure they are your goals, and not society's. Jettison the expectations society has placed on you telling you that you should have this or that by a certain or that you should be at such and such a point by a certain age. Just try your best and forget about how long it takes to get where you are going. Forget about comparing yourself to others. They aren't in your shoes and it would be unfair to compare yourself to them. The only person on this planet who is fair to compare yourself to, is your former, present and future self, as they are the only persons who have had the same life challenges, same genetics/biology, same life experiences as you have.

I agree with Btbnnyr. You still are young, and many Aspies at your age are still struggling with everyday challenges. Work with whatever social work or occupational therapy you can get, and see a mental health counselor regularly to help you keep an optimistic outlook and figure out interpersonal things.

I mostly have come to accept my limitations, but they still make me sad sometimes. The key is to not get stuck in that place.