To what extent are you responsible for other's feelings?

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Or to put it another way to what extent are other people responsible for what you feel.

It is an open question.

You're not responsible for another's feelings, that's the individuals own piece to address, but if you take a 'means to an end' approach and hurt people en route, then you are not being responsible for your own feelings either.

I am no more responsible for anyone else's feelings as anyone else is responsible for mine. We are each responsible, not only for our own feelings, but for how we express those feelings, as well.

I don't really get the question. Responsible in what manner?

It depends on how you mean feelings. If someone is upset because they are in debt, I'm not responsible for that. But if someone is upset because I told them they were ugly, then I am responsible for that because I knowingly said something hurtful.

To put it another way, if I'm upset because I'm disabled that's my problem. If I'm upset because someone called me a freak, that's their responsibility because they said something hurtful.

It is an open question, so that is for you to consider.

Oh, I hate open questions! I very much dislike ambiguity. But ok.

If by "responsible" it is meant that our actions affect the feelings of others, then yes, to an extent. The things we do can affect the way that others feel, and the things they do can affect how we feel. But that is not always the case; it depends on the individual.

If by "responsible" it is meant that we have a personal obligation to not negatively affect the feelings of others, then the answer is both yes and no.

We should do our best to try to not hurt the feelings of others, as long as by doing so we are not hurting ourselves, or sacrificing something important.

For instance, it's best to try not to needlessly insult another person. Sometimes it may be necessary, especially if the insult is a truth that must be considered.

We should not behave in ways that are unethical. If we are behaving ethically, and the feelings of another are hurt in some way, then we are not responsible for it.

To an extent, each person is responsible for his or her own feelings. We do have some choice in the way in which we react to things. Sometimes people will overreact to something, and blame another for their negative feelings. I believe that we are responsible for using common sense and logic when dealing with different circumstances.

On the other hand, human beings do not have complete control over our feelings. If someone wrongs another in some way (such as committing infidelity, or a robbery, child abuse, etc ), then that person would be responsible for the feelings created by the action. For instance, the person who assaulted me is responsible for the negative feelings he created, however he will never have to suffer any consequences. However, it would have to be an actual wrong, not just a perceived wrong.

Of course we can't always control whether we hurt others' feelings, but we have a responsibility to care for other people's feelings and not do things they find hurtful.

Only to the extent that I can figure them out, or they can figure mine out, which isn't much. That's why I compensate with niceness when I can.

golden rule

Then whichever one of the other members of this website is supposed to care for my feelings is hereby relieved of that duty, for dereliction of that duty.

There's too much talk and indoctrination about "feelings" for my tastes.
People need to tuffen up a little.

more general kindness is not a bad thing. also.

I'd tend to score this differently if I'm to compare people around me who are just catty vs. people who are in a position to pull major levers in my life. If someone gives you an attitude but they're not cutting you a paycheck or giving you a place to stay, depending of course on your your emotional health and integrity, you'll probably role it off. If a boss gives you an impossible task or face layoff, you live with someone who dangles your invitation over your head, or probably the worst of these you're in a bad marriage where your partner or ex-partner plays vindictive games using the kids as chess pieces, then you're in a position where most people would be considerably stressed.

In my own work with trying to strengthen my coping mechanisms I've realized that run-of-the-mill stuff like the blues, boredom, etc.. can usually be dissipated pretty easily with the right tools. Acute crisis OTOH can be a very different animal. Is a person whose putting you through an acute crisis responsible for how you feel? They're definitely responsible for inflicting the stress, how you feel at first may not necessarily be your fault (especially if they blind-side you) but how you in turn move forward is your responsibility.

Hope that didn't dodge the question, just that it reminds me of one of those that's popular in our culture for its one-liner appeal and emotional polarization but happens to be built on rather shoddy heuristics.

I thought you are responsible for how someone feels if you do something mean or say something mean but someone is responsible for their own feelings if they get upset for no reason most people wouldn't get upset by or if you said nothing wrong. Like should your boss be responsible for how you feel if they talk to you about something at work like a complaint you got? I don't think they should be nasty about it and scream at you, just be civil.

If someone has PTSD and you unintentionally triggered their flashbacks I don't think you are responsible because it wasn't your fault. But what if you knew about their triggers and you intentionally do it knowing full well it will have a trigger for them? Then are you responsible?

What if you know someone is hypersensitive and they don't take criticism well but you do it anyway, are you then responsible? But what if had to be done because they needed to know so they won't do it again?

What if you post a thread online and people get upset by it and provoked and it was not your intention to offend people, are you responsible? What if the question was just innocent? A lot of the times on Babycenter women would post a thread and women in it would take offense and find the question as judgmental and they would start to troll the thread spamming it and bullying the OP. This was very common behavior there. It actually told me more about the posters than the OP, Babycenter was not a safe place to post and ask questions because of too many mean people there. It was like elementary school and they would use their pregnancy as an excuse to be mean and even none pregnant women acted that way too because I would see it in Bargain Hunters and The Debate Team. Even some there admitted in their birth club group that they need to go online and blow off some steam so they come there and do it than taking it out on their kids and husband if they have had a bad day at work.


Sometimes I do think if we say it's their fault for how they feel, it's our way of avoiding any responsibility for ourselves so we victimize ourselves and do a little pity party. It's very lazy because we then don't try and look at it from another perspective and try and understand their feelings and where they come from so we blame it on them for how they feel so we wouldn't have to do any of this.

Why should it make any difference if most people wouldn't get upset by something? That's like saying to an autistic that the brightness of the lights or the loudness of the noise shouldn't matter to them because it doesn't bother most people.