My financial irresponsibility.

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I spent over $400 the past weekend on things that I did not need. I ate at nice restaurants, purchased nearly twenty new games, you get the picture.

Now I realize that I have only fifty dollars left to last me until my next paycheck.

I am a compulsive shopper. Once money enters my wallet, it disappears quickly. Usually on things I do not need. This is f*****g stupid, I know it is.

I buy material things because they are always there for me, and because I want to impress people with the massive game collection so that maybe they would want to visit me more often. This is the very definition of retail therapy. And it ends up hurting me more than helping me at the end of the day.

I am in the lobby of my therapist's office typing out this post. I see him in about five minutes from now. Wish me luck, this is going to be a very uncomfortable conversation for me.

I hate living with compulsive self-destructive tendencies.

I am on my way home from the therapist's office now.

He essentially wants me to eliminate the word "stupid" from my vocabulary. And he wants me to be honest with my payee about where all of the money has been going, and to only ask for what I need to cover necessities for the time being, so that I can form a bit of a safety net.

I am an addict of countless stripes. Shopping is a compulsion of mine. I cannot trust myself with any cash in my wallet that is not allocated for a necessity.

I suppose you did spend money on frivolous things.

But you can pay your rent and your bills, right?

That's the most important thing.

If you could pay your rent and bills, don't beat yourself up too bad about this.

My rent and my bills are paid.

I will be living off ramen for the next couple of weeks, though.

Well, there you go!

Tit for tat.

So stop beating yourself!

The Ramen is punishment enough!

(actually, I like Ramen).

One time, when I had just moved out of my mother's place, my girlfriend and I only had white rice and paprika to eat for a whole week. That was because she wanted to do some S & M, so she bought diapers with the last ten bucks that we had.

Yep...Tit for tat!

Can you return the games and other stuff you don't need?

Half of the games I cannot return, considering that I purchased them as digital downloads.

The other half, I have to wait for them to arrive in the mail before I can return them, but they can be returned. Amazon is a dangerous website for me when I am feeling down.

Sigh...you gentiles and your spending sprees. Oy vey!

You need to meet a smart, jewish friend to help you with you finances.

I'm not being racist or stereotypical. I am jewish (by birth, I don't practice the religion), and I am fairly decent with money. I have no formal training, but my parents taught me how to be a smart shopper.

Don't even buy things to impress people. Doesn't work. Been there done that.

f**k everyone else, and live for yourself. Don't be weak. People will respect that.

And for f**k sakes, respect your money.

Respect it.

Money is sacred.

Shopping therapy isnt great, I admit I do the same thing at times. However with good willpower- you can break it. You are partway there, because bills are paid. Ramen for a while doesn't sound appealing. Isn't that stuff extra salty and pretty unhealthy?

Try to do a budget- certain amount for going out, certain amount for food (and so on) each month. I know with games- I start so many and never finish them. I feel regret at times because the game is unfinished (either I get bored, stuck even with help from guides or just can't focus on it). Perhaps set a goal of finishing a few games before buying a new one?

Something that helps me remain mindful of what I'm spending, and helps prevent impulse purchases, is that I don't use my credit card to buy things on Amazon. If there is something I want, I'll put it in the cart to check the order total, and then I'll walk to the nearby grocery store(wait until morning if it's nighttime) and buy an Amazon gift card for the amount needed. In the amount of time it takes to walk there, I can take the time to think the purchase through, and it also prevents last minute cart additions as I then only have enough to buy what is in my cart.

Also, for digital stores like on PlayStation or Xbox, Amazon sells digital codes, so I do the same thing with my PlayStation Store purchases. I find converting the Amazon store credit to PS store credit ideal, because it's far too easy to rationalize small purchases for small dlc items or games that are on sale, and then come to realize that multiple small transactions have all added up to something unpleasant over a short span of time when buying stuff on their digital store is as simple as a click away when using a credit card.

Lastly, it helps me to remember that most of the things I may want, in times that I cannot afford to buy such things, are likely to still be there a fair while after I can actually afford them, and if by some chance they are no longer available by that time... So it goes.

If I really want to curb this for good, I have to face whatever it is I am trying to avoid.

I am spending all my cash as a distraction, a mental opiate that offers intense short-term relief. I do it for all of the same reasons why alcohol is so appealing to me.

This is yet another reason why I need to keep in better contact with my support circles IRL.

I think you should cut out the shopping sprees, too.

But I would also reality-test myself, and ask myself: If I'm so goddamn decrepit, how can I come up with $400 to spend on a weekend?

I certainly can't come up with that kind of money!

I really did not have that money. I tapped into my monthly grocery funding to make it happen. I know, it was ridiculous.

I see you said the games were digital downloads and Amazon purchases.

I don't have any sources but I've hard it said many times that people are less careful when they spend on card because they don't see how much money they're spending!

I don't know how that helps, I know I cut my irl spending down when I stopped paying for things on card. If you're desperate you could try the same thing for internet shopping? Take money out the bank and put it in a safe place, when you spend online, use that cash and put it back in the bank?

Aside from that you sound like you need to stick to a budget. I have two accounts, I get paid in one and spend in the other. I keep the card for the former in a safe place, out of my pocket. It makes budgeting and keeping track of spending between paychecks a little simpler. Perhaps it would help you, too, if you don't already do it?

Yeah, that probably would help me.

I have already decided that I am not buying any more games until I complete most of what I already own. That will take a while.