Dealing with a Psychopathic Coworker
As the title suggests, I believe the newest hire at my job is a psychopath.
Here're a few red flags:
Picked up on new job responsibilities very quickly - he even started answering phones less than a week in, and it took me six weeks and I was still very anxious about it.
Overly charming to the point of being just terrifying to me - everyone seems pretty fond of him already.
Treats me like I'm absolute dog s*** behind everyone's back - he even f***ing whistled to me today to get my attention, as if I were a dog.
Seems pretty misogynistic - he told me that he always tries to be the one to break up with girlfriends when things go sour, and that he's only been rejected once (which, by the tone of his voice, seemed to hurt his pride/ego).
Wants to know a lot about me and others, and we just freaking tell him as if it's no big deal (I'm gonna try to stop).
Very commanding and demonstrates good leadership skills (in spite of being a dick).
Never seems to stutter or falter - he's very articulate.
To top everything off, he's also tall, blonde and handsome, the spitting image of an Aryan Übermensch (with an added bonus of blue eyes AND German blood, too).
Have any of you guys dealt with somebody like this before? What was it like, and how did you deal with it, if at all?
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
He is gathering information to use against you later, I knew someone like this but he would be more overt and obvious.
Does he ask about your personal love life? Give fake answers. He will bring up things that you tell him in front of others for his own purposes.
When he whistles say " I have a name you know " he can take it.
Just always keep in mind he is not a friend or someone to confide in. Also don't be scared to stick up for yourself he can't beat you up so you have nothing to fear.
He will actually Ike and respect you more if you stick up for yourself.
Last edited by slenkar on 14 Mar 2016, 6:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Yeah, I kind of wasn't planning on doing that anyways - I hate his guts at this point (and he seemed alright at first, although I'm surprised I picked up on it so fast; I've even doubted myself several times already, but now I'm pretty sure of it).
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
Um, I don't think it works that way. I'd be less afraid of him if that was all he could do to me - but he could do worse...a lot worse.
I don't want that, though. I'd much prefer it if he ate s*** and died, because there aren't too many people I absolutely cannot tolerate in this world (my boss is an irrational conservative Christian who seems to think he's got everything figured out, even though he's really only good at understanding paint and managing a store, but even he is tolerable, because he's simply ignorant instead of evil), but this guy - it's like there's a black aura around him that makes me feel ill. Just makes me shutter thinking about him...
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
I'm actually thinking that the best way to deal with this might be to look for a fallback part-time job, and if s*** hits the fan at this one, I'll just quit and work the other one. 'Cause I won't put up with his horse****, but I also don't know how to fight back and come out of this in one piece.
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
He's always "commanding" me to do stuff for him (not even asking), even when he clearly doesn't need the help - he's just doing it to make me his b**** as far as I'm concerned. And I do those things for him because I don't want to disturb the status quo and make him aware of my realization about him - basically, I want things to be safe and stable...for now. I'm still trying to think of how to resolve the situation.
Other than that, he seems to try to blame me for certain things, like "You guys - we shouldn't be leaving dollies in the hallway! I almost tripped over that s***!" *looks sharply at me*
I also believe he thinks I'm incompetent or ret*d, or something, because I was trying to explain how to add a new line to an order after we tagged some paint as a mistint once, and he just got impatient and said "Okay, I'm gonna ask [the assistant manager] about this..." and I kind of got the feeling that he trailed it with the thought ...'cause you don't know what the f*** you're doing, bud.
The whistling (and finger-snapping, I forgot to add earlier) was the worst part, though...so condescending.
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
From your description, I don't think there's enough evidence to decide that this guy is a sociopath. Probably he's just a garden-variety @sshole.
He's charming and handsome, and obviously knows it. He probably has a superiority complex. I'm sure he was the stereotypical high school jock who bullied all the unpopular kids. Or the frat boy who cheated on all the tests and kept score of all the girls he had sex with.
He's just continuing the same @sshole behavior in the workplace, and he sees you as being weak. So he's going to pick on you because he knows that he can.
My advice would be to stop appearing weak. Don't react to his behavior. Be cordial, but that's it. No conversations or sharing information about yourself or others. If you don't show any reaction to his bullying, he likely will no longer find it amusing.
Ok. Thanks for going into a bit more detail, that would really annoy me.
Is he in any position to tell you what to do? (Like a higher rank in the company) I assume not.
Personally I would say things like "why can't you get it?"
But you are biding your time I guess.
You may have to deal with him for some time if you can't change jobs, people like him can manipulate their way up the company
Well, given the fact that you substituted "psychopath" with "sociopath" (which are actually, as I've recently read, two completely different types of people), I'm not sure you understand what they are (and I'm not trying to be malicious, that's just what I think). I'd like to know - from your perspective, what would he have to do to constitute psychopathic behavior? Surely he wouldn't have to kill someone? Or maybe just rape them? Plan and execute a professional bank heist? Or perhaps subdue an entire population of people and commit crimes against humanity? Because I honestly think it could be something as simple as just being a "charming dick" to people who are weaker and less able to defend themselves than he is. Just as autism comprises a spectrum of behaviors and mental processes, so too does psychopathy in my mind (and they may even exist on the same spectrum of human behavior at two opposite ends, but I won't elaborate on that hypothesis, unless you'd like me to).
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
Is he in any position to tell you what to do? (Like a higher rank in the company) I assume not.
Personally I would say things like "why can't you get it?"
But you are biding your time I guess.
You may have to deal with him for some time if you can't change jobs, people like him can manipulate their way up the company
No, we're pretty much on the same level right now (I have only slight seniority because of experience at the job, but I think he knows paint a little better because of his prior carpentry experience). And I don't want to say "Why can't you get it?" because I'm afraid he'll use that against me with the manager and/or assistant manager, telling them that I "back-talked" him or some s***-talk like that (and they would probably believe his word over mine).
And no, I don't have to deal with him, not if I can help it by getting a fallback job! It'll be exhausting for a while to bike to work everyday and work for 35+ hours per week and look for a second job, but it'll be SOOO worth it when I end up finding one (and if I get fed up enough at this one, I'll just quit).
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
By the way guys, sorry about all the cussing (I know it's censored, but it still may be unwarranted in the eyes of some), and thanks for putting up with it. It's just that, if there is a God, I'd like to know why the f*** He keeps putting people like this c***-sucking motherf***er in the world, you know? Like I said earlier, very few people rub me the wrong way like this, but psychopaths are a definite exception, and I just wanted you guys to know that I feel absolutely NOTHING for them - no love, no respect, no sympathy, no understanding, not even a glimmer of hope. They're all damned as far as I'm concerned - if not by God or any other deity, then by something, at least - so let it be so; if given a thousand chances to save them from the depths of damnation, a thousand times I would refuse it, because that's just how much I hate them and will not tolerate them until the day I die.
I realize that on this forum one of the expectations is not to attack people or to commit slander against them - after all, it's supposed to be a safe place full of polite, rational, and respectful discourse - but it's also a place for people to speak their mind freely, and when it comes to psychopaths, this is the only way in which I can do this. I can speak neither politely nor respectfully about them (but perhaps somewhat rationally, at times), and I suspect that won't change anytime soon.
_________________
"Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art."
-- Claude Debussy
Well, given the fact that you substituted "psychopath" with "sociopath" (which are actually, as I've recently read, two completely different types of people), I'm not sure you understand what they are (and I'm not trying to be malicious, that's just what I think). I'd like to know - from your perspective, what would he have to do to constitute psychopathic behavior? Surely he wouldn't have to kill someone? Or maybe just rape them? Plan and execute a professional bank heist? Or perhaps subdue an entire population of people and commit crimes against humanity? Because I honestly think it could be something as simple as just being a "charming dick" to people who are weaker and less able to defend themselves than he is. Just as autism comprises a spectrum of behaviors and mental processes, so too does psychopathy in my mind (and they may even exist on the same spectrum of human behavior at two opposite ends, but I won't elaborate on that hypothesis, unless you'd like me to).
There is no such diagnosis as sociopathy or psychopathy at the moment. Those who may be thought of as "sociopaths" or "psychopaths" are considered to have antisocial personality disorder according to the DSM-5.
Clinicians have not come to a consensus as to whether there is even a difference between the terms "sociopath" and "psychopath" or what those differences may be.
These are the criteria that I found for antisocial personality disorder. Narcissistic personality disorder and some other disorders can mimic antisocial personality disorder. I don't think you have enough evidence to diagnose this person with any sort of personality disorder.
DSM-5 Criteria - Antisocial Personality Disorder
The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose antisocial personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior.
AND
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.
b. Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.
B. Pathological personality traits in the following domains:
1. Antagonism, characterized by:
a. Manipulativeness: Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one's ends.
b. Deceitfulness: Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events.
c. Callousness: Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one's actions on others; aggression; sadism
d. Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior.
2. Disinhibition, characterized by:
a. Irresponsibility: Disregard for -- and failure to honor -- financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for -- and lack of follow through on -- agreements and promises.
b. Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans.
c Risk taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard for consequences; boredom proneness and thoughtless initiation of activities to counter boredom; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger
C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.
D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or socio-cultural environment.
E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).
F. The individual is at least age 18 years.