Frustrated self-suspected aspie female turning 30

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Hello everyone. I am new to the forum. I am just going to say in advance that I'm terrible at expressing myself through writing. I also have difficulty with forums because I don't feel like I am talking to people, but rather like I am just typing something to my computer. It's weird. I know that all of you are people, but since I can't see you in person it's hard for my mind to really relate to this process as if I am actually interacting with people. I hope that makes since and doesn't sound too strange. I really need to find some place for advice though, so I will try really hard to make this work. I guess I just want to find a place where I can relate with people. I am so tired of feeling alone, but it is also my solace ironically.

I have a very long story to tell. I just finished a therapy session earlier today so I am a bit too tired to go into all of the details of my life up to now. I can go over the basics. I have always been strange. I have never been able to relate to people, although I have taught myself how to interact with people over the years through obsessively researching psychology. I still have a ton of problems with social interactions. It is like I am from another planet where the rules of engagement are different, where things aren't so damn confusing. I guess I mask my deficits fairly well. Upon first interactions people don't notice much different, but quickly they realize that I am "different". This is from what people have told me. I have difficulty realizing how I come off to people or how they perceive me. I feel awkward all the time. I'm constantly misunderstood. I am constantly misunderstanding others or saying the "wrong thing" but not realizing it. I used to have pretty severe social anxiety as a child. I have gotten better as an adult, but I do not like social gatherings. If its a party then I will drink alcohol to cope. If it's a work function, I will say that I will try to make it but not go. It is too draining to try to act "normal".

I have come to realizations lately that I am much more rigid than I realized. This was quite shocking to me, as I had the idea that I was an easy-going person. People close to me have told me and given me examples. My family members gave me examples throughout my life of my rigidity in thought. Their examples seem to be of me being black and white in my thinking. They say that I don't consider others opinions sometimes. The issue is that they are talking about when opinions are given for situations that require facts. I am not sure how I am supposed to take an opinion into consideration over say, the definition of a word or the chemical composition of air. I know that I have very unique and open-minded ideas over things like love and equality and I see these people that have criticized me as having very close-minded and rigid ideas in these areas. Maybe it is a difference in the way our brains work? Maybe it's because I live in the bible-belt of the U.S.? I'm not sure. I know that I think quite differently than most people I have met, albeit there have been a few that have been like breaths of fresh air.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD but not hyperactive physically. The clinical psychologist that diagnosed me said that I had a very high IQ and that I am hyperactive mentally. I have very poor executive functioning. I can't take care of regular adult things. I can't plan things. I have difficulty making it on time anywhere to the point people tell me a different time so that I will actually arrive on time. I am extremely overwhelmed by anything that requires me to prioritize. I have a hard time switching my attention to tasks. I obsessively read to the point that I forget other things that need to be done. I get lost in my obsessions. I love them though and they make me happy. I recently starting working at a cell phone repair company and I am very excited about that because I get into my hyperfocus zone when I work with small electronics. That reminds me, I have poor gross motor skills but decent fine motor skills. I could go on and on. Oh, that's another thing. If someone asks me about something I am interested in then I won't stop talking. It's hard for me to realize when people are bored. I have been like this since childhood. My grandmother told me stories of her and her friends being amazed, shocked and eventually lost and uninterested because I would talking in great depth about my special interests.

Anyways, I always related to asperger traits, but thought that it was just because of my ADHD. I found more information recently through researching my other struggles that are not explained by ADHD. I brought this up to my therapist and she said, "But you don't look Autistic." and it really frustrated me. I have finally found something that seems to explain all of my struggles and I'm so freaking frustrated that she said that! I gave her a lot of information and some things to look up. She had no idea what alexithymia was, but after reading about it agreed that I struggle with it. She now says she thinks that I have autistic or aspergish traits but that it is just because I am highly gifted. I told her that my aunt (my mother's sister) has a very high IQ and her and I can have interesting conversations, but we don't relate on other things. She doesn't have the social struggles that I do or the executive functioning issues. Now my great-aunt (my grandmother's sister) and I can relate on our struggles but she has it much harder than I do because she is autistic but also has an intellectual disability, so her and I can't have a conversation, but even my grandmother comments on how her and I have some of the same disabling struggles with my great-aunt struggling to a greater degree though.

It can't be because I'm intelligent that I have these struggles because there are so many intelligent people that don't have these struggles and some people with intellectual disabilities that do. I think that because of my intelligence I have been misdiagnosed or just overlooked though.

Does a diagnosis make a difference? I think it would make a difference for me. Legally I would then be allowed reasonable accommodations. I could have access to treatments that would actually help for once. Maybe there are certain medicines that would help. I don't know. I just know that I have to figure out how to make myself function better in this strange and unfamiliar world. I am turning 30 this year. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment. I want to be on a path to success. Not monetary success, but an internal feeling of success which would be me just being able to do everyday things for myself like other adults seem to do.

If you have read this far, thanks for taking that time. I appreciate just having a place where people will listen and maybe some of you will relate. Maybe you guys can let me know your experiences and how you have overcome. I look forward to learning from people here.

Your therapist had never heard of alexithymia? Are they actually educated and licensed to practice? And "you don't look autistic" is about as offensive as "you don't look Jewish". Sheesh.

Here's a link to an evaluation instrument that can help differentiate between giftedness and autism (aimed at children, but you get the idea): http://mcgt.net/wp-content/uploads/2011 ... cklist.pdf

Hey SAL 9000 welcome.

Oh I can relate to this concept. You want to be around other people, but you also know it's most likely either going to go badly or be overly stressful, so you accept solitude.


I know, it's ridiculous. I don't know if you suffer from this, but when trying to be social I can feel my IQ drop-- I get so tired the information that used to be right at my fingertips gets thrown into the nether.

In social engagement it's about the other person. If the other person says the sky will eventually fall onto the earth, you don't mention how Newtonian gravity works, states of matter, or anything else that contradicts what they say. The goal isn't to be right, it's to make a connection with that person. Yes, keeping your mouth shut may feel like lying through omission but it's what the NT's want, so you have to adapt to it if you want to fit.


I lost two days just this last weekend to soldering a musical keyboard, for no reason other than I had to see the internals. And yeah, reading, it can be addicting as heroin. In the Spring-Fall I'm outdoors mainly, and I have my phone reading to me while I work-- my only reason for even having so called "smart" technology.



Chances are that your therapist is NT, if so you're probably more well read than her in her own expertise. Remember, colleges just hand out degrees, they don't fact check that their degree holders actually acquired/retained any information.


When I was a teenager I was initially diagnosed with depression, then bi-polar, then a long time after autism. Misdiagnosis is common in psychology-- it's an entire discipline based on assumptions.


A diagnosis will let you know, but the world won't magically change around you. You're still going to have the same issues next week as you had last, but it would at least let you know. I'd recommend going to a specialist though, your current counselor doesn't sound qualified to give a diagnosis.

Anyhow, good luck if you do get a diagnosis and oh yeah, welcome!

Welcome! I just showed up here a couple of days ago with a similar situation....I think I may be on the spectrum, I relate to it more than to anything else I have ever read about, I have learned to mask things quite effectively, but even that isn't good enough....still leaves me feeling weird all the time, and looking weird half the time if I let people get to know me or be around me enough. I should say I've gotten very good at both masking and evasion in such a way that people usually can't tell what's going on. But yet I don't come off as an "aspie type" to a psychologist I mentioned all of this, too....so I don't know. I may just be borderline or just share some traits. But I do know that reading about experiences and insights from people who do have Aspergers is really helpful for me. And I really like this forum so far, too. I'm glad you have found your way here! I showed up here really tense and sad.....and then I started looking at the threads, and realized....hey, this is a place where I can simple fun while being myself rather than being tense/sad while trying to solve/work on/through myself. I hope you enjoy being here and find it helpful in deciding how you might go forward with seeking/not seeking a diagnosis, with your therapist, with life, etc.

Oh, sorry to hear you are going through all of that, but I can certainly relate.

Therapists don't seem to be well educated. I set up a thread about mine a few days ago, you could look it up if you want.

Yes, there are intelligent people who don't struggle as well as people who struggle even though they are not that intelligent.

What I find useful for executive functioning issues is making lists. If I have problem with particular task I write down every step I need to complete, so for example instead of: take the rubbish out I start with: take the lid up and put it away on the recycling bag, take the rubbish bag out...

I am only now learning how to keep the house clean, so far my problems never been addressed. My mum tried to teach me by saying to clean what's dirty and put things away, and I was kind of doing that but it took loads of stress and unnecessary running around so since I live on my own I stopped :-/

Good that at least now you know what's going on and btw I also don't look autistic, and what does that mean actually?

Take care.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I'm very similar. I could have written that about myself. I'm new here too. Hope you find what you're looking for

Welcome! You sound fine at expressing yourself to me.