Annoyed by (stupid) people

Post Reply New Topic

I’m in my late twenties and was diagnosed with AS about 5 years ago. I’ve actually never told anyone about it because I think people shouldn’t be labeled because of their uniquenesses. Most people know however that I’m different and few suspect that I have some form of autism. They tell me I’m a smart, kind but also difficult person. The professor that diagnosed me with AS told me he was surprised how I used the advantages of AS to help myself to eliminate the disadvantages of AS.

Having AS never really affected me in a negative way. I own a successful business, earn a lot more money than most people without AS and have a lot of social contacts. I’ve met great people and did things I thought I would never be able to (for example traveling alone, speaking in front of crowds, meeting with important people and inspiring them).

A lot of Aspies say they have trouble with finding social contacts but for me it’s the opposite. I get very annoyed by all the people that want to become friends. They call and text me all the time. They want to talk about stuff (mostly social BS) that I’m not interested in. They want to meet up. They want my advice.

I often feel like I’m surrounded by leeches. What do I benefit from these social contacts? Some people I find very interesting at first, because they can learn me new things. And I love to share my knowledge with them as well. But after some time they want to move on and become a close friend. But for me the conversations are no longer interesting. They want to tell me about their social BS that I’m not interested in. They share their social secrets (that I rather don’t hear about) and think we are becoming good friends. Meanwhile all I want is to get rid of them. I don’t want them to call me 5 times a day and to meet up every week to listen to their social BS. I want them to leave me alone.

I also get annoyed a lot by all the advice that people want from me. So because I’m smart that means you can ask/call me at any time to get free advice? In the last years I’ve not asked a single person for their help because I can solve my own problems. But society wants me to help every individual that I don’t even feel connected to? It’s not that I don’t want to help anybody. I actually do feel a lot of compassion towards people (and animals) with real problems (like homeless and ill people) and want to help them without anything in return. By the way, those people are often more gracious for my help than these so-called friends that annoy me all day long.

Am I the only one who feels like this? I feel so frustrated and stressed. These people consume so much of my time while I’m busy doing other stuff that really interests me. What should I do with these people that keep calling me? Especially with acquaintances and business relations that I want to keep without having to become their friends and having endless, meaningless and time consuming talks.

I'm learning that a lot of aspies feel this way, a lot higher percentage than NTs or maybe we are just more vocal about it, either way its a relief to know there are many others that feel the same. You're just going to have to find a way to set some boundaries with these people, only you can decide how you are going to go about doing that though.

Then stop leading them on. Conduct your business with them and leave. Give them a phone number for business only and not your home or cell number. They are not "stupid" people either, btw. If it was me, I would rather know that you think like this from the beginning so I wouldn't waste any more time than I had to on you - for business only.

I agree with you . He actually sounds NT to me .

I find that I'm often annoyed by the intellectually inferior. I'm not sure why but if I can't learn anything from someone then they serve no purpose to me.

That sounds more Narcissist Disorder than anything else. Psychiatrists aren't infallible you know.

Or it could be Asholer's Syndrome.

Coming from someone who gets easily annoyed and weary, you should nevertheless stop thinking in those terms. "The intellectually inferior": who are to make that kind of comments is the real question you should ask yourself. Come on, eugenism is kinda wrong, no ? Do you think Aspies would make the cut in an eugenist world ?

On a positive note, I have learned, even though it takes practice, that some people, despite being less intelligent than me or not challenging intellectually, have other qualities to bring to the table. Not all of them, but many of them.

Last edited by LaMereLoi on 30 Apr 2016, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's what I thought.

More seriously, I read that a few Aspies, after having been bullied for too long, tend to exhibit sociopathic traits (In Atwood or something). Maybe it's what we can see here. Dunno. Do not mean to insult anyone.

Nearly twice your age, so I've handled some of these things.

First, you used them and want to discard them. This is not being a friend.

Second, take control of your social life. Clearly, the amount of social is too much for you. PLAN the alone time you need and block it out on a planner of some sort. Turn off the phone during your time alone. ALSO, there is NO rule that says you need to answer every call. Decide who makes the short list to be answered and who doesn't.

Third, separate social and business. Two numbers, two phones. Turn off the social phone during business hours, then turn off the business phone after business hours and turn on the social phone. Alternatively, give business numbers one ring tone, family another, people you like long term a third and everyone else a fourth. Decide what to answer when. If certain people require more time than you have at the moment it is OK to send them to voice mail and call them back later.

Fourth, do some thinking about who you want around long term. If you meet someone who seems worth the long term effort, make plans to spend time with them. EVERYONE else-- turn them down politely. In one visit over coffee you ought to be able to decide if the new person MIGHT fit the long term list. When you discover they really do not fit, then stop spending time with them.

Fifth, if they do make the list for long term, then you need to decide how much time to spend maintaining that connection.

These are suggestions. But clearly letting other people determine your social schedule is not good to you-- so change it.

IN my phone are categories of people. I put initials in front of their names that remind me what list they are on. This helps me decide which calls to pick up.

My eldest son is not very social-- so we worked out a quarterly lunch. Not too much social with me for him, but enough that I get to know how he is doing and see him regularly. Rarely, he will call and suggest a lunch, and occasionally I leave him a message asking if he has time for a mid-quarter visit. It works out.

I have people I answer only when rested enough to manage the energy visiting with them requires.

I have people who are part of projects, and I will answer them during work hours, and out of work hours only if I want to put in more work time even though it eats into my alone time.

I remember being young, and not knowing how to limit the sucking of my energy by others demands. It could get difficult and even cause me to miss out on something I wanted to do because somebody else stole my energy with their demands on me-- and I LET them. It actually is our own faults if others take too much of us. NO is a good word best said before you pick up the phone.

Maybe this can help you find your own solutions. Good luck.

Nah, some people are jerks.......If I pick up a vibe like that on someone, I go the other way.

I hope you realize people could be putting you on a list too. Sounds very cold to me. I've had it done to me. I was the last on the list friend til I wised up and walked away from people like that.

Aspies can come across as a$$holes by this behavior. NTs do as well but they finesse it better and get away with it .

One must have discernment. Nobody is equally open to every person who may demand their time. When I get a sales call, I add that number to my list of sales callers and I do not answer it. Friends I put in my phone lists, and they have groups they go into depending on where I know them-- that way, my memory is jogged so I can place each person as the phone gives no clues but name and number.

Everyone has lists. There are the family members, and there are people who are nasty and we keep a mental list of those people to avoid them. There are friends from one group or another, and it is good to keep mental or paper lists to keep track.

It is not cold so much as it is practical.

And nobody knows if they are going to voice mail because you are avoiding them or are busy or are on another call-- this is anonymous. If you allow the phone and thus the people calling to RUN YOUR LIFE then you are going to be unable to get anything done and will be miserable. NT's choose when and who to answer call wise, and nobody thinks anything of it. But if WE think about our own needs and make the same choice to decide when and who to answer call wise WE are "a$$holes"? I don't think so.

Self care is NOT selfish, nor is it "a$$hole" behavior. Self care is a legitimate thing to do-- and the idea of lists is a useful means of sorting the importance of the myriad of contacts you can end up with in order to help you prioritize.

Just don't tell anyone what list they are on!