IEP update

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Hello,

A couple of weeks ago I asked for advice regarding IEP's - thankyou everybody, your information was extremely helpful.

We had our IEP meeting yesterday with the deputy principal, special ed teacher, classroom teacher, my husband and me. It went for 1.5 hours.

We started off with a general chat. I told them over the 6 week Christmas holiday that Daniel (AKA UbbyUbbyUbby) was so happy (in his own adorable, quirky way). He went for 3 weeks without a meltdown! He was so great I was starting to doubt he had Asperger's. But as soon as he returned to school - bang - meltdowns/crying all the time/unable to bath or dress himself. Miserable++. Reduced appetite.

We had 1 month with 1 special ed teacher then she left. The next 1 came in and I really like him but it took him a few weeks to settle in.

The classroom teacher taught for 11 weeks, but has gone off on 12 weeks long service leave.

We had a holiday last week - what a nightmare! Meltdowns ++. Daniel even wet his pants during 1 meltdown which he hasn't done since he was about 2.

Daniel doesn't want to go to school.

Anyway ... after hearing how bad things are they promised to give him loads more support. Vastly different to the stories before of how badly funded they are and just don't have the resources.

Then we got down to the nitty gritty. The priorities we set:
1. Management of anxiety
2. Social skills
3. Increasing his motivation by incorporating dinosaurs into the curriculum. Also giving him harder maths (Daniel is a maths whiz and keeps complaining about how bored he is at school)

Next week Daniel also starts weekly C.B.T. at Tony Attwood's clinic. He's booked in for 3 months to start with.

I am going to homeschool Daniel 1 day/week - the same day he goes to psychology.

I told my husband that if there's not a drastic improvement in the next few weeks we'll have to seriously consider homeschooling. My husband said, what nonsense, he has no choice but too improve. Sigh.

Anyway, Daniel looked like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders when I said he could stay home 1/week. But he's saying .. why can't I do school work at home everyday.

I don't feel I can pull him out of school just yet because he hasn't had the full support of the school yet. I want to see how he goes with more support. Also, my husband won't support homeschooling unless he sees that everything's been done and Daniel's still unhappy.

Can people give me any experiences they've had with homeschooling.

Thanks
Smelena

cant' give you any info on homeschooling, but you should at least give the school another try.....it sounds like they're very willing to do as you've asked. hopefully things will finally go smoother for you.

I think you have to consider your own health. Homeschooling is too demanding and will cut you off from your own interests. If you go under what will happen next?

The only way I can talk to you these days is on WP....

We'll have to think of other plans to look after Daniel

Attwood is good, but he's not a miricle worker. Your kid needs a chance to have to make it in the world. Give him some credit. Maybe he can't, but maybe he can!
Also, as someone else said, careful of your own sanity. Don't expect Dr. Atwood to "cure" anything. All he can give your child is coping skills......and your child can, for whatever reason, choose not to use them. Let him get out there. Watch him and his school environment carefully, and pull him back if it's turning into a disaster, but give him a chance.
Btdt

I homeschooled for 4 years, I felt I had very little choice. It was a great thing, and a bad thing, all rolled into one.

I think it saved my son, but at times nearly killed me. It was harder though, because I had 2 babies in the years that we where homeschooling, so that brought its own challenges.

We where able to persue a lot of neat stuff, we volenteered at a bird aviary, we went to muesums all the time, we went on field trips with other HS'ing parents. It was a lot of fun!

I would think, try the one day off a week. If that does not seem to be working, maybe see about doing 1/2 days with him 5 days a week, or maybe 2 days off a week. See where that goes. YOu need the support of your husband and family. I could not imagine doing it without it!

It sounds like the school thing is salvagable. When I pulled my son out, they flat out told me they would not offer him any help. (I did not have a dx for As though). If I had a school willing to work with me, I would have exhausted that route first.

I homeschooled for a quarter while the district tried to dance and sing their way out of providing services. It was an emergency situation. A child having frequent meltdowns, tantrums and unable to participate in school is an emergency situation.
I loved it because I was able to teach my son the things I thought were important. Homeschooling one child only takes about 2-3 hours total. And you can teach so much faster.
I took daily notes on how my son learned, what mistakes were made and how we can fix problems.
When the district finally got its act together, we had a clear idea of what we expected out of school.
Frankly for all the naysayers that say it's too hard (without explaining why) I wonder why they are so quick to answer. It was a load off my shoulders because dealing with the school and their lies was so overwhelming. We were losing our son right before our eyes, it was horrendous. I was getting depressed and paranoid (not exaggerating) because of the situation.

He's back in school now and as long as he wants to be with other kids, we will try and keep him there. But I wouldn't hesitate to pull him out if the school treats badly again.

I hear you on that one!
The first couple years when we only had my daughter, a relatively good baby where the best! It was like I woke up to a new life without all the daily drama of the school! I did not know how to handle my son the best though, so we had some problems where, but more or less, we where both on vacation from the "system"!

It got hard with two kids under two, one of a colicy infant, but that is not the normal experiance or the one you would most likely be having, and had more to do with young children in addition to HS'ing then HS'ing.

Just last night I was saying to my husband, "everyday it is something! I just about wish I could pull him out again for my own sanity!" Still though, when it is going better, (no broken arms, no bullying) it usually isn't that bad being in school. My son seems to like it because he can do things at school he can't with me. I just don't have the money or resources.

I am not trying to cure my son. When he is happy (ie school holidays) he is the most adorable, kind and quirky kid. I wouldn't want to change him.

I hate seeing him so unhappy and stressed.

I'm hoping the sessions with Dr. Atwood + the changes the school make will reduce his anxiety and I'll find the 'real Daniel' again.

Smelena

It may be that the "real Daniel" need less of the "real world".

I would wait to see if the clinic and accomidations help matters before considering this, but I know that my son being on Strattera has helped him a lot. It is for ADHD but not a stimulent like all the other drugs for it. It has helped a lot with the anxiety, and also seems to have "cleared his head" a little. He reports feeling the exact same as he always can. It is not a miracle solution, but I just wanted to let you know I have had good results with it. I wish I had it two years earlier when if first came out!

I don't want to have to use drugs to find the 'real' Daniel when I know I find him when he's at home.

smelena~ i understand your hesitation about medicating....but sometimes, meds can help reduce the anxieties that people have dealing in the "outside world". My hubby, who's an aspie, never used to take meds. didn't think he needed them & couldn't see how they'd help him cope. we've found ones that work, and he takes them daily. he has 1 anti-anxiety med that he takes if he had a particularly exhausting day dealing with loads of people and lots of sensory overload.
i'm not saying that you should medicate your son. i don't medicate my daughter for her ADHD. you're right, meds are not always the answer.

I agree, look for other options first. That was one of the reasons why I kept my son home for 4 years, the school insisted he be on meds or else they would not even TRY to help him, and would suspend him all the time. Although I got them to admit, if I drugged him, they still would not help him very much!

He reacted horribly to stimulents (for the ADHD we thought was his problem at the time). He developed really bad tics, he became a zombie, he retreated from his environment and did not absorb anything happening. (So he failed grade 2, but the teachers took the more mellow attitiude as paying attention). 4 years later, back at a doctors for ADHD, (and I was sure something else) the doctor told me that it sounded like he had a bad reaction to it, and would never recommend a stimulent for him again. We also found out his reaction was not atypical for aspies.

Strattera is not a stimulent, and we decided to give it a try. It is not a miricle drug, and he still does have some "concentration issues" although not as severe. What it really helped with, was anxiety particularly at school and with peers, and with overal irrationality.

From the post on Jimmy's thread, it sounds like you are not "problem free" at home. It sounds a lot like what the last 8 or 9 years of our lives where like! It is frustrating, one momment you clearly "see" the "real" child, only then something happens that throws them into overload and meltdown, and they get lost again.

My son was dead set against taking a medication, and fought it tooth and nail before. I convinced him to "try" the Strattera, and told him if in 6 weeks he wanted off, it would be his choice. He reports not feeling any different, being calmer, able to "think" more, and actually gets the pills HIMSELF at night time as taking them is now important to HIM.

Anyway, I won't suggest or advocate it again, I just wish 2 years ago I heard about this drug and that it was "different" with positive results for some children. It would have saved us a lot of grief and heartache.

Strattera may or may not be a good choice for Daniel, you would have to talk to a doctor first, there are some other anti Anxiety drugs too, although SSRI's are generally NOT a good idea with younger children your sons age, for the most part, they are a choice of last resort.

Have a good day!

I know I have read before, but tell me again how old your son is

He has just turned 7.

I'm not going to let things go on indefinantly.

I will give the new IEP a go for a few weeks before I make any decisions.

The school he goes to is fantastic (for N.T's) but it is a big school - 1200 students. It's very noisy with all those kids.

There is a community school about 5 kilometres away from us that provides an 'alternate' education. It only has 35 students. The kids need to study the curriculum but tailor it to include their own interests/hobbies. The kids move through at their own pace. If they need 1.5 years to do a grade level - no problem. If they only take 6 months - they start the next grade.

I will go and check it out.

We also live near a Steiner School but I was unimpressed with their response to an e-mail I sent. I asked them if they had any experience with students with Asperger's Syndrome and what support they could provide my son.

They write back and said they don't know anything about it but they do have children with Down's Syndrome. Sigh.

Smelena

I had a steiner school near me in the UK - I had friends that left it to go to the regular comprehensive since they felt they would not manage to get GCSE's there. Saying that, what I know of them that community school you mentioned reminds me abit.

Thanks everyone.

I just need to vent for a minute so here goes ...

I've just walked out on my m-in-law (been tempted to many times in past but actually did it today).

She operates by giving lectures. Today when I was discussing how unhappy Daniel has been and his escalating meltdowns she started another lecture along the lines of .... kids will put it on so they can get away with anything blah blah blah

I told her I was leaving because I didn't find this helpful. I decided to leave before I said anything I might regret.

Big sigh. She obviously doesn't understand Asperger's despite me trying to explain on numerous occasions ... but I don't think she's done much to try to understand.

Thankyou
End of vent.