describe a meltdown in you're own words.

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i think it basically means the brain is protecting itself.

I agree. It's kind of the emotional equivalent of a surge protector.

For me, it's like my amygdala (emotion-centre of the brain) has disconnected itself from my frontal lobes (rational, decision-making brain area) and has hijacked my precentral gyrus (location of the primary motor cortex controlling body movement). I can't do anything but watch as the rage takes over and I start screaming and yelling and hitting myself and throwing things. It's like when you're watching something traumatic happen and you can't move or do anything to stop it. I feel a lot of shame after these episodes, because they make me feel ridiculous, juvenile, and overly emotional.

The type of meltdowns that I have are of the nonviolent though very emotional type. It's like an overwhelming surge of sadness brought on by guilt, something someone's said but not always necessarily about me. I need to have a hanky on me at all times, because I never know when it's going to happen.

Lots of crying, hitting myself, my mind going faster than usual (and it goes fast then even), feelings of immense guilt, overwhelmed senses, etc.

my sanity is a game cartridge and my brain is the console.

the meltdown is when someone yanks out the cartridge when the console is still running, potentially corrupting data, displaying abberations. things just aren't the same afterwards.

though personally i tend to just shut down quietly in place of a more violent meltdown. i thunk the people around me prefer it that way. i do too.

Does anyone else have outwardly violent meltdowns? I hear a lot about people hitting themselves which I can't relate to. I used to punch holes in the plaster walls where I used to work. I even punched through a window once (old building, flimsy single pane). I smashed more kitchen equipment and crockery than I could keep track of.

I relate a lot to the meltdown the guy has in the pub scene in Paddy Considine's movie, "Tyrannosaur" if anyone's seen that? I've never attacked anyone as an adult, I just mean I relate to the emotional response.

I guess it feels like a huge pressure inside me that just explodes. I have to get it out of me somehow, trying to calm down does not work, I can sometimes hold it in until I get home but depends how severe it is. If in public l just go to a toilet and cry and bite my fingers really hard, pull hair out etc. I'm really self conscious in public so wouldn't want to draw attention to myself which would make it a lot worse. At home I will throw things, particularly glass, I love the smashing sound. I used to save old jam jars to smash in the garden at my old house, but now my neighbour is always in and would see it so I don't anymore.

I've thrown chairs, smashed tv sets up, slammed doors so hard they came off the hinges or broke, punched holes in the door, smashed my phone up, etc etc. I try not to damage things anymore so often I will hit myself round the face repeatedly, pull out bits of hair, headbutt the wall, chew and bite my hands/fingers, and cry and scream like a crazy person, punching the floor etc. I used to cut my legs too but haven't for a while.

Usually it's only been partners who have seen these meltdowns, and as I only recently realised I'm aspie, they must have just thought I was mental (so did I haha)

Now I'm a lot more careful to let it get to that stage, but it still happens every now and then.

I have silent 'shutdown' ones. I suddenly become absolutely exhausted, tired, I feel so heavy, I can barely move, I end up staring blankly, I seem to just 'stop thinking' and have no energy. It takes a long time to recover. I tried to fight through one last week for the first time, rather than giving in to it, and I ended up very shaky and felt very sick. To me, it's like my mind and body just switch off, ready to slowly 'recharge' again when whatever 'threat' they've imagined up has gone.

for me, a "meltdown" is the point that i throw "decorum" to the winds.
"decorum" is something that i detest having to maintain and is the first thing that gets kicked in the head when i have "had enough"

For me it's kind of like the engine in my car blowing up, followed by the car coming to a grinding halt at the side of the road. Big <kaboom> shortly followed by not being able to do anything.

I go one of two ways depending on the situation. They are brought on by several reasons, usually sensory overloads. When tired, I am most vulnerable. But, it's like things just start building up. And then one minor thing can be the thing that makes everything else just get released.

Example 1.) Was on the train one day. A lot of things had been going on. On the train, at a stop, an entire class of screaming, high pitched kids with no personal boundaries got on. Two scrawny kids were 'manspreading' so much that I could not withdraw far enough into the railing to keep from being touched. Other kids were swinging around me on the poles, banging into me on all sides and just being kids. But that was a shutdown as I missed my stop and had to go back a couple because I was kinda closed off for a while after they got off. They weren't on for but a few stops, but it was the thing that kicked me over the edge. That was in Brooklyn. I was almost to midtown when I got back on the other direction. So, about 25 minutes of shutdown.

Example 2.) Last major meltdown was in Shekou. I had worked for three days almost straight to meet my self imposed deadline of getting three games published before I left. If I didn't, I would lose three weeks while in China. Massive crowds, 16.5 hour flight, 1 hour wait for the ferry from Hong Kong to Shekou, getting to the hotel, and when I went to get my tablet out of my computer case, it was gone and I lost it. I got loud, profane. My wife was looking at me in horror and all I could feel was anger because it didn't seem like she took my worry serious. I started going through bags to find the tablet, just tossing stuff out, dropping breakables (didn't break, but what a scene). My hearing got wonky and my vision got wierd...sorta like a fisheye effect, but not so pronounced. I was paniced and all I could think about was getting back home. I stormed out of the hotel with only my laptop bag and started walking back to the ferry landing to go back home. I got out about 45 minutes away and realized my passport and ticket information was in my wife's possession. So, I had to walk back. It was that hour or so that I calmed down and walked off the aggression. But, by god, I was going back to NYC no matter what until I realized I actually couldn't. And, it took almost an hour of walking to realize that.

Example 3.) Outbursts are usually caused by inconsistencies that I cannot get resolved or is the type of thing that gets to me, but, is minor to other people. The difference is that there is no panic or sensory convolution. Just anger and getting really, really loud.

When younger, I have slapped people. I will not punch them unless I have been assaulted first, then, look out.

I too have put my fist through walls, picked things up and just beat something with it. I slammed a phone down once so hard it tore the receiver off the wall. For the youngsters...that was when we only had land lines.

I have broken things, torn things up and it's amazing I haven't been put away at times.

It is something I live with. And even though I now know there was a real reason for this, I still feel shame for it. It has cost me so much.

I'm also the type who shuts down and goes through a brief period of depression.

I just shut down too and go to bed asap.