My wife would always tell me "I need more emotional support from you". At first I didn't know what she meant, but gradually I figured out a few things. I wrote some notes, perhaps they will help someone else too.
Emotional Support means...
Surprising her with presents and outings
Being serious when she is upset and not making jokes.
Having fun with her.
Letting her know what she feels is valid, without saying that literally. Empathising, basically.
Knowing what she is feeling, and being there, sharing in it.
Noticing when she is upset, and acting appropriately, to help and not making things worse.
Not making her upset or angry or frustrated in the first place.
If she acts badly and snaps or is rude or insults, NOT getting offended, instead giving her a free pass.
When she is upset, or angry, or tired, NOT arguing with her or only thinking of yourself, but instead making things easier for her.
If you upset her, don't act upset/grumpy/sulky yourself.
When you are tired or fed up, always remaining in good humour and never acting grumpy.
Never giving a bad look, even by accident. i.e. never having negative thoughts while interacting with her.
If you can't understand why something in particular should upset her, or why she should dislike it, then translate it into something you would be upset by or dislike. Know that she feels like that. This is how to empathise.
Not taking your problems to her, especially when she's tired.
Always feeling grateful to be with her, and never just thinking of yourself and causing an argument.
Not asking her to do things when she's busy. Even not long term things when she's not busy that second. Don't add to her workload or fill headspace if she/we are going through a stressful period in life, like moving house or baby or toddler.
When YOU feel upset, holding your tongue, controlling your emotions, NOT getting angry, instead respond to how SHE is feeling. She's likely just as upset as you, if not more upset. And you have probably caused it.
When she tells you about a problem, not trying to fix it (male attitude) instead empathise with her (female attitude). She is very capable of fixing her own problems, but you need to make sure she knows you care about them too.
When she speaks, listen and be immediately trusting. Then later internally reflect what she says, and make it your own (In terms of understanding, planning keeping track of everything, dealing with people, making important decisions, etc.)
22 Apr 2016, 5:42 pm
