Had a meltdown yesterday

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It had been coming for a while now, my tolerance for noise had been decreasing and many outings with my (v patient) boyfriend have been getting cut short. A few things happened this week in particular to exacerbate the whole thing, some changes in routine and unexpected occurrences. Trying to sort out things for my business. Had a really embarrassing incident with a waiter whose English wasn't the best and the next day (yesterday) I was in a changing room when this really loud obnoxious brat child was screaming at the top of his lungs for ages. I managed to get dressed and leave but I kept going all the way back to my car without stopping and just exploded when I got in I hit myself and the steering wheel and cried and cried and cried. Noise is my worst enemy I can't cope. It completely disables me.

I'm so tired today, totally wiped out.

Don't know what the point of this is but I guess I'm quite embarrassed by it all.It feels like a complete regression or something. Whenever this happens I always hear (old) friends and family in my head telling me that I'm being dramatic, stupid or being ridiculous.

I guess I'm just venting really but if anyone can relate or has any advice that'd be great too. I know meltdowns are a thing but I guess it'd just be nice to hear someone respond to my post.

I am sorry about your rough day. I can totally relate. I am extremely noise sensitive as well and I have meltdowns from noise pretty often. And the frustrations of miscommunication really add to it. I know how you feel.

I also know how I can sometimes feel embarrassed or ashamed afterwards. Don't hold on to those feelings. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about at all. And you are not being dramatic, stupid or ridiculous at all. Absolutely not. So do not listen to them when they say that. They have no idea what it is like to be so sensitive and to have these meltdowns. It's not like we have them because they are fun or that we want attention. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Get some rest and I hope you feel better soon. And know that you are not alone in this.

I keep having rough days, but it's become a cycle of sadness/depression and rising up again over and over and over for years now. I just don't know how to change things to make them better.

I want you to know that I feel for you. I know how it makes me feel. I know we all here are with you on everything you say.

But, you mentioned embarrassed. I understand that feeling well. But, I want you to know, as I have to keep telling myself, it's because of what we have. Not a weakness of character or flaw.

I hope you get to feeling better. Please do not be hard on yourself. I sometimes think we are our own worst enemies.

thanks also , it gives some more insight in meltdown,

these things would be handled with a good smack from the bf-hb because I was hysteric, which made him panic, I suppose,
which turned out to be a situation where every demand would be worthwhile to take an aggressive tone or a (public) humiliation

That would not work for me Trust me LOL I would be all over that person in a heartbeat.

Meltdowns accentuate my fight of flight response. I choose flight. But, if assaulted it would not flight. It would be blind rage and people going to hospitals.

So, while a good slap in the face is actually tried and true method, it don't work on everybody.

When I am around a crying baby in public, that the parent does not immediately either soothe or remove, I have a thought going through my head which fortunately never gets spoken out loud: "Would someone please kill that baby?" Now, I am not really in favor of murder as a means to quiet a crying baby. I think maybe by allowing an unpleasant expression to go through my mind, I'm acknowledging my noise sensitivity and also naming the parent or attendant of the baby as supremely thoughtless and selfish.

I mean, particularly in a situation like church or a movie? What possible justification can the adult with that child have, to annoy everybody in the place?

Anyway, that's what I do. I think it over and over until the crying stops. And it never progresses to a meltdown or actual speech. Allowing that totally outrageous sentence to be heard internally, seems like a safety valve to me. And I use a similar technique if I am cut in front of in traffic, etc. "What a jerk," but under my breath or not spoken at all. It acknowledges my distress and labels the offender in a pejorative way - without escalating to road rage or anything.

Just wanted you to know that "would someone just shoot that kid!" Was an actual heard expression when I was growing up. Nobody took it seriously.....

Different times and location I guess. But, I wanted you to know that you're not the only one.

Hey everyone thank you all so much for your insightful and kind comments, it really warmed my heart to read them and made me feel less alone!

@Skibum the noise thing is so frustrating because the world is just loud! Like why so much noise?! Going to pack earplugs now and maybe keep a soft blanket in the car in case this happens again. Soft things are the best! I'd love to let go of the embarrassment and shame afterwards and take care of myself better. Hopefully in time I can thank you so much for your kind words and message

@Karaudo 777 I know what you mean about the cycle of depression followed by rising up again and then repeating. I feel that same way. I think the normal ups and downs get magnified when you have ASD or something! I hope things are not too bad for you now though at least

@zkydz thank you for reminding me not to be hard on myself, I'm very mean to myself unfortunately but I have made improvements!


@Traven its good that you got some more insight into it, often I find hearing other people's experiences helps me understand my own! Oh dear I think if my bf hit me I'd hit him back and it would end rather badly.

@BeaArthur haha I have that same thought which is often accompanied by wanting to hit the parents for being so ignorant as to do nothing as their kids run around screaming being obnoxious. That makes sense but when I think that thought I berate myself for being so cruel and abnormal as to think it in the first place which adds to the stress. I have a lot of guilt and shame about this condition... Though I do similar things as you speaking under your breath and it helps ease the stress in the moment but then I feel bad haha.

@zkydz hahaha thats comforting. Seriously I feel like I am so irrational where kids are concerned but they get so loud and screechy.

Thanks again everyone.

Sorry you had a rough time of it If it's any consolation, I'm very lousy at dealing with a lot of noise as well. Sundays are the only days I work a full shift at Walmart (my other three days are half shifts) so I always come home wiped out at the end (I don't know what it is about Walmart, but it seems to attract a lot of screaming kids, so I do a lot of "for the love of god shut the f*** up" muttering under my breath). Last night, even though we had guests over, and even though I know and like these people, I couldn't do anything but crawl upstairs to my room and shut down. I felt bad about it and wanted to go downstairs and be sociable, but I just couldn't do it.

I know what you mean about the changes in routine too. Two weeks ago the leaders of my social skills group thought it would be a good idea, on the spur of the moment, to "stretch our boundaries" by visiting a coffee shop within walking distance. That was enough to shake me up before we even got started, but the construction noise and traffic on the way over, and, yes, the screaming child once we got there, were enough to push me to breaking point. I held it together just long enough to get to the end of group, then returned to my car and spent ten minutes screaming at the top of my lungs and slamming the steering wheel. Not saying anything, just screaming. I wasn't exactly proud of myself for that, but it's who we are, sometimes we run out of coping skills. Don't beat yourself up over this, Synthlover, at least you don't take your anger out on others.

I am sorry you are going through this. I totally understand. I have multiple meltdowns and it is over things like noises, routine changes, dirty sinks, and the lights being too bright. It has become a problem for my family. A really big one. I tend to be violent in my meltdowns and destroy things. All I can say is to somehow find a quiet place either physically go somewhere or try to mentally block the situation. Has not worked so far but I will keep trying and tell you if I have any success. Just remember that you have alot to contribute to this world and to the people around you. Just hang in there.

^What could I do if I almost meltdown at school? I always hold it in, but then I feel like I'm about to explode or scream and scream and scream and run around like a crazy person. It's got to the point that sepressing meltdowns triggers my depression cycles, and I just can't take it anymore.