Leaving the nest.

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(I really wasn't sure which forum this would go in--in the end, it seemed peripherally related to friendship)

Something I'm intending to do at some point in the next year is to move out of home, where I currently live with my parents and one sister (soon to be both sisters, when she finishes university). I like it here on the whole, but I find it a bit stressing at times, and I would like to find out if I can make it on my own. The question I have is whether to share a property with people who are almost certainly going to be strangers, or just have a one-person bedsit.

With the first option, I'm hoping that I'll be able to get on with these unknown other people, and maybe use social activities with them as a foundation for a circle of friends and greater social activity. On the other hand, I might not get on with them, and be committed to living with people I can't stand. Since I don't have any surviving friendships from school or university I can build on, it is going to be pot luck.

With the second, I'll have relative independance and "my place and mine alone", where I won't have to worry about constant self-correction and monitoring of others as much. On the other hand, I won't have any more social inroads than I do now, and I worry about the prospect of regressing if I have less contact with other people than I do now.

So the point of this thread is to ask, what have been your experiences of either way of living? Also, on the practical side of things, I intend to look at some properties with no intent of moving into them, so I know what to expect. Any advice on what to look for and / or warning signs when looking at a property (and possibly those whom I'll be sharing it with)?

Most people share at first then either become a couple or live alone.

I shared houses with other young people for about 5 years after moving out of the parental home. it starts out ok, but usually ends badly. unpaid bills, no-one buys any food or cleans, arguments etc etc etc. aspies are likely to be used in this situation, so be careful about that. i had a full social life thru my housemates though, so that (as you've already guessed) is the bonus in that situation. shrewder NTs will get tired of 'carrying' you socially though.

After that I have always lived alone. i like the peace and privacy.

"Any advice on what to look for and / or warning signs when looking at a property (and possibly those whom I'll be sharing it with)?"

oh it's very much about what you can afford, busy streets or noisy areas near pubs are bad. it can be good to hang around a prospective property at different times of day, particularly friday night, or peak hour to see how loud it is. get to know the residential tenancies act (or whatever it's called where you live) if you plan on renting. one of the commonest pitfalls of sharing is that you can have your name on the lease and flatmates whose names aren't on the lease damage the property or leave without paying rent. people come and go in share houses, so if you move out make sure you're name is removed from the lease.

good luck, it's great to be starting out on your own.

I prefer the latter. If you like having the feeling that your home is completely under your control, good or bad, and you can afford it, that is probably what you want.

I had been living alone for about three and a half years until January, then a guy started staying on my couch. While he has done some helpful things around the apartment, he's really gotten on my nerves, multiple times. Using my belongings, not mentioning it, acting like he payed for them if they are disposable (at times saying so), possibly the same if they're not, possibly not.

He always leaves the television on, he chain-smokes (I smoke, but he goes through 2+ packs a day while sitting in my living room), etc.

Sure, there are benefits of having roommates. For me, the benefits don't outweigh the problems. Now I just have to figure out the easiest way to let him know that once I graduate, he can get the hell out and figure out what to do on his own. Not like he's been paying rent or anything, he should have some money saved up from his job by then.

I am biased but I would definately go for the latter option.

When I first moved out of my mothers at 15 I stayed with my dad for a bit but it didn't work out so I went to live in a shared house at 16. The area was fairly good and the house wasn't so bad in itself. When I first moved in, there was only one other person there, a 27 year old woman. Within the first few weeks she sort of came on to me and I kind of rejected her (I wasn't a hundred percent sure at the time - she wasn't exactly 100% direct but later on someone else who she had told filled me in). After that she was pretty awkward for the rest of the time I was there, sometimes she would be nice but others she would pick arguments and tear me to pieces. She never cleaned the place and lived like a pig leaving the shared bathroom, kitchen and living room in a mess nearly every day. She also had an on-off alcoholic boyfriend, she would split up with him and not hear from him for weeks and then she would get a call from him at 5:00am from a friends house or a club and she would fetch him and bring him back. The guy was a pretty obnoxious piece of work and would make a loud noise and throw things in the house (he once even trashed the dining room downstairs). My room was next door to the womans and I used to hear their noisy 'lovemaking' (sounded more like a pig being slaughtered) through the walls quite a bit. He even walked straight through her locked door once - I fixed it up the next day for her thinking she might be nice to me for a bit. She tended to lock herself out quite a bit so I generally ended up being drafted in to knock through the door and fix the lock again. After a few weeks two other guys moved in, one was alright, he was in his early thirties and recently split up with his girlfriend without any friends in the area so I used to go for pints with him and play computer games with him and stuff. The other guy was really strange and used to freak all of us out; we all suspected he had some mental issues and probably needed to see a psychiatrist. He even got sacked from his workplace for punching a blind, disabled, elderly man. The woman was the main problem though, she was almost like Jekyll and Hyde but when she got angry she would make us all feel really bad and in the end the guy I was friendly with moved abroad for work so I just found somewhere else and left. I since found out later that the woman had been there a while and had made trouble for a lot of the other tenants forcing them to leave. Apparently the place got worse not long after I left, the guy who took my friends room was a bouncer and big into drugs and apparently he used to threaten everyone, break doors and windows and smash things. After a few months, the landlord tried to kick him out but he wouldn't go and not long after that one of the tenants came back to find the place trashed and the guy had hung himself from the bannister.

The flat I moved to afterwards was still in a fairly ok-ish area but still had its problems; the woman upstairs was a drug-taking prostitut (not in an insulting sense; that was what she did for a living) who used to play loud music at all hours and often had a stream of men back and forth. On top of that, a lot of the local kids (well fro kids to early 20s) used to use the stairwell outside my front door (I was on the ground floor) to congregate and take drugs and drink and make a general mess. I had asked them to leave several times and received several threats on some occaisions but apart from trashing my car, nothing came of it. Even with those problems my life was so much better at that place. Apart from the times when I felt a bit scared in my flat from the thugs, I had piece of mind that I wasn't living with messy psychos who kept the place like a pig-sty and I was able to relax.

Here is my advice on shared houses if you do go for that however - try and meet the housemates before and spend some time with them to try and sus them out. Try and go for a place where the rent including bills are all paid directly to a landlord and you have your own tenancy agreement, it will save hassle with unpaid bills and tenancy issues. The phone bills are normally dealt seperately, so I just used a mobile (due to the woman in our place our phone was cut off about 7 or 8 times per year.

If you get your own flat, take pictures and make an inventory when you move in and get them to sign; the agency I rented from tried to rip me off out of a £700 deposit because of a small burn in the carpet which was there when I moved in; luckily I had them document it when I had moved in on their inventory which I had a signed copy of so I was ok but even then I had to argue with them for a couple of weeks before they gave me a cheque.

I suppose the main thing is that if you are moving out at leisure to take your time and look at a lot of different places with care.

Anyway, good luck!

I have trouble living in a house by myself. I've found I like to have a roommate around. The one thing I would recommend. Do not share anything more than you half to. Get your own phone / cell and don't use theirs. Don't share food bills etc. Make sure what ever bill you are sharing. Electricity heat etc. The person responsible has it in their name alone. That way if they don't pay then it's their problem alone.

I lived in the same room as someone I had never met before for a semester and I would highly recommend that if you do live in the same house, you have the ability to "create your own space" such as having your own room. But I realize everyone has a different opinion on the subject.

To everyone who posted, thanks for the advice. I'll make sure to bear it in mind.

well i live with my mom. and i know she isnt a thief, but your concerns seem to be valued. if i ever lived with a stranger i'd lock up my sportscards and meteorite/ i cant afford to lose those