Something I wrote when I turned 21 (back in January)

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I feel quite a bit more optimistic today then I did when I wrote this, but I still feel this way sometimes. Its not exactly poetry, I just wrote down what i thought, I just came across it, so I figure I'll share it.


you look older
you act older
but you don't feel older
you look bolder
you act bolder
but you don't feel bolder
you have friends
and you know you do
but you don't feel like you do
because you just spent most your life without them
and thats a peice of you that you can't get back
I hate so much
and yet the hate and despair
is accompanied by so much love and hope
I suppose that that is what give meaning.
Hope seen is not hope at all. And joy cannot exist without pain. Despair makes hope all the more meaningful.
It gives life meaning.
That doesn't make it easier.
But it gives me a reason to fight.
For myself and others. And if you can't fight for your life, it's not a life worth living.
I look in the mirror sometimes.
And it hits me and I get confused and scared all of a sudden. s**t. What the f**k happened. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You had hope long ago. Hope that things were getting better, because they were.
And it seems like a lost cause.
But that's what battle is.
I'm now winning the battle. And I look at the loss. It would be easy to lose sight of the fact that you are now winning the war because you lost the early battles. But you are now winning. In a battle, at the quiet moments, soldiers have time to think about the lost men of the early battles and say, what the f**k was that for? And lose heart. But they are winning. If it is the quiet moments you remember, fight harder so the quiet moments don't come. And do not let those past lost battles and deaths to be in vain.
I'm not at all into artificial milestones such as ages. It really bugs me to have to think, ooh, 21, and it's supposed to be really significant.
For what?
It's a number.
The real milestones aren't attached to numbers
they are the seasons of life.
and seasons don't have numbers.
I don't have a number
numbers are fine
to use at times to measure age and wealth.
but they aren't what life is measured by.
the world may operate on the logic of numbers
but life itself doesn't

That's really good. I'm trying to learn to write poetry and short stories. You have inspired me. Keep up with the writing.

Really Good. I feel the same way about life sometimes. In fact I feel that way today Thanks for putting your writing on WP.I think you should continue writing, as you have a real talent!

Wow! that was a great read from start to finish. Brilliant work Juggernaut, keep it up.

Thanks guys. I just realized there is a "writing showcase" sticky thread, so I just put another poem there---another poem I had forgotten about it and I just found. I guess I put this peice up mainly because it has to do a lot with depression and AS. But some of my other stuff is really about writing literature/poetry, so I'm gonna start writing some more.