27 May 2016, 8:59 pm
No one can love me.
I will not allow the pain.
Fed upon by parasites.
Dying beneath the strain.
I was young and innocent.
A tempting easy treat.
He had all the power.
My soul burned in his heat.
The pain was only skin deep.
The scars are invisible.
So why do I hate.
Must I be miserable.
I accepted the blame.
Stupid deserves no award.
So turned from victim to Victor.
Of nothing as my proper reward.
I will never be weak again.
True love always turned aside.
By armor of drugs and drink.
Heart hiding deep inside.
Now years turned to decades.
Till an innocence pierced the dream.
Pain long forgotten and numb.
I fall to my knees and scream.
I am told it’s not my fault.
I struggle to understand.
The years of darkness suffered.
Decades of abuse by my own hand.
Am I supposed to feel better.
Knowing that my failure.
Not accusing the monster.
I became my own souls jailer.
Perhaps in the fullness of time.
I will learn true forgiveness.
Not of the monster.
But of my own weakness.
_________________
ASD, ADHD-PI, PTSD , BI-Polar 2
Quetiapine 300mg Morning
Quetiapine 100mg Night
Depakote 1500mg Night
Sertaline 75mg 2xDaily
Bupropion 100mg 2xDaily
Gabapentin 600mg Morning
Gabapentin 300mg Night
Imagine my therapist's embarrassment when it turned out they really were after me.
