I think my brain is turning to mush

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Over the past few years I've pretty much stopped doing any sort of hobbies. I just sort of stare at the wall, mindlessly text my friends or scroll through Facebook every day.

I'm afraid it's ruined me. This went on for two years, from when I was 14 to when I was 16. And I'm afraid that's a very crucial point in brain development, and I've read all this stuff about synapses getting pruned if they're not used during adolescence.

It used to be I was the smartest person in my class. I was good at the piano and I liked to draw and I could write pretty well. I read a lot, too. I won all the math and science competitions. I liked to read about physics (that's when I made my account) and math.

But all of that seems to have vanished. I don't do anything anymore. I can't write--I've tried and it comes out badly and very empty. Nothing especially good or bad ever happens to me.

I guess this is just the usual adolescent angst. The only bad thing that ever happens to me is that sometimes I become very scared that I'm going to die, because I remember that I'm going to die eventually.

I've told a few people close to me about all this, but they think I'm crazy and self absorbed (which, if I go back and read this post I would find it hard to disagree with). They think I'm deluding myself. So I don't really have anywhere to turn.

I'm not sure what to do. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Is there a way to reverse it? Or can you just suddenly become boring and empty and stay that way for the rest of your life?

Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed can be a sign of depression. It's not necessarily typical "teen angst".

Oh, yeah, that's the other thing I forgot to mention--I'm definitely not depressed.

I've been clinically depressed at least once in my life, possibly twice (the second time it was never diagnosed, but my family and friends were all pretty sure about it.)

A couple of people not very close to me have thought I've been depressed recently. But my mom, who's very good at reading people, my closest friend, and the therapist who my mom took me to after I complained about these sorts of problems for a long time all think that I'm not depressed at all. And I would agree with them. Like I said, I've been depressed before--and I know what it feels like. There's no way this is that.

The second time when I was sort of depressed was just a year ago, so it's possible these are just the aftershocks. But it's at the wrong time. I have to get into college and there's no way I'll ever be able to do it in this state.

I get this too. I'm dx with depression though. But I'm like this at times when I'm happy too. It's hard for me to not see 'uh oh, only 16, my advice won't matter at all' but I don't really perceive myself as all that much different now from when I was 16.

Most people have to end up dropping hobbies and stuff as they grow up because there's just not enough time for all the things that they got to do as children. I would think of this as you just dropping them sooner. You'll do what you want to do with your time in the end. Just try to make sure that you're going to get what you want from life. Maybe college isn't for you, at least not in the immediate future; maybe you'd be happier getting a min wage job and sit there staring at the wall. That's OK if you're happy doing that.

On the other hand, perhaps you're just becoming 'normal' compared to other people now, more average. Before as a child maybe you developed faster, but the end outcome wasn't you being any better. And now you're just comparing yourself to that. Lots of people when they reach uni enter it and are like 'well s**t, I'm no longer the best of the best anymore, I'm just as good as everyone else' and they take a hit, not realizing how much more effort and work and planning etc. they have to do with themselves now. Probably good to get that hit sooner rather than later.

It's possible you're developing schizophrenia I suppose, negative symptoms of it...but that's pretty rare without positive ones.

You might just be iron deficient or something too, a few years of having your period now have caught up to a diet that might be iron deficient; lots of non-serious medical issues cause poor concentration. Are you very concerned with your weight and food intake? Oh wait, of COURSE you are, you're a teenage woman. Don't undereat, eat red meat, get iron tested, make sure they test for ferritin. Get results, if it's 'low' but not out of range try taking iron pills.

That's funny, I've actually suspected I had an iron deficiency for a long time. I don't eat a lot of meat at all, because I try to be sort of vegetarian, and for years I was eating meat but was avoiding red meat altogether (it was a weird taste preference).

I went to see the doctor a few weeks ago and she says I'm probably not anemic but I'm getting my blood taken anyway (*shudders*) so I suppose I'll know in a little while.

I don't really have a choice about college. I mean, I want to go. My parents want me to go. In this economy it doesn't make sense not to, but more importantly it might give me an opportunity to sort myself out a little. I would consider taking a gap year if things are still like this when I graduate, though.

Your advice sounds pretty sensible. I guess I'm not happy staring at a wall--but I'm also not happy not staring at a wall.

I'm not on antipsychotics or anything else like that right now, so I don't think that's the cause of all this. If it were anything physiological, I would probably say it's iron-deficiency anemia (which is something I've suspected for a long time due to my gender, age, and eating habits).

And I don't have a family history of schizophrenia, and I haven't been having any sort of hallucinations or any of the other symptoms, so I'm probably alright in that regard.

The thing you say about not having enough time makes total sense. Except sometimes I find I've finished all the schoolwork I feel like doing and I'm bored and I actually feel like I have nothing to do, so I either force myself to do something useful (read a book, play the piano, etc.) or go on the internet or try to watch a movie. It's rare that I ever think, "Oh! I have all this time! I can finally do that thing I've been wanting to do now!"

Welp, my CBC has never been out of range, and my iron levels have always been fine, but ferritin has been low like, once. I need to take iron pills though, but my mom tends to run low iron.

Might be B12 also, that's another meat thing. And concentration/depression/motivation thing that's common to be low. Don't take a whole B supplement though as overdoing B6 can be bad and they tend to not put in enough B12 to be useful. Don't expect immediate results if you just try supplementing on your own before getting blood tests back.

Yeah, I'm not really going to do anything until I get the blood tests. You sound almost as hypochondriac as I am, hehehehe (forgive me if I make a mistaken impression)

My 'hypochondriosis' is the only reason I found out I had celiac disease. Secondly, my ill-health has disabled and tortured me ever since I left highschool.

(Self-)Hypnosis. Change of diet, proper supplements, nutrition, etc. Binaural-Beats/Isochronic-Tones.

Sorry I made that assumption, what a silly mistake--I'm sorry you have Celiac's; a good friend of mine has it. I'm glad you found out

A lot of times high functioning autistics or people with Aspergers seem fairly well adjusted in childhood. But social life is more complicated in high school, so it could be you're a little overwhelmed with what to do and how to act. Then what can happen is you may "shut down" due to more complicated demands. Maybe this is what is happening to you?

I wouldn't think so. I think it has more to do with what cavernio said about realizing you're not the smartest person around, if it's anything social. But I don't think it's necessarily either of those: I think it's mostly to do with how much less free time I had once I started high school (getting home at 6 every day instead of 3, in addition to more homework) and how that affected my abilities.