Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

MAXIMUMINIMALIST
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 19 Dec 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

04 Jun 2016, 5:58 am

Hello fellow Aspies. I have been married for 7 years to a man who up to this point I have thought was crazy for being obsessed with shoes. I have been convinced that buying new shoes was a fetish of his, but now I am starting to notice that most people buy many pairs of shoes. My husband has told me that when somebody looks at you, one of the first things they notice is what type of shoes you are wearing, and even if the rest of the clothes which you are wearing are not very good, the shoes can make up for it. Are shoes really a very important social aspect of the wardrobe? Should I be paying more attention to what I put on my feet so I am more well respected or appear wealthier? Do people really look at your feet?



AspE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,114

04 Jun 2016, 7:29 am

MAXIMUMINIMALIST wrote:
Hello fellow Aspies. I have been married for 7 years to a man who up to this point I have thought was crazy for being obsessed with shoes. I have been convinced that buying new shoes was a fetish of his, but now I am starting to notice that most people buy many pairs of shoes. My husband has told me that when somebody looks at you, one of the first things they notice is what type of shoes you are wearing, and even if the rest of the clothes which you are wearing are not very good, the shoes can make up for it. Are shoes really a very important social aspect of the wardrobe? Should I be paying more attention to what I put on my feet so I am more well respected or appear wealthier? Do people really look at your feet?

Yes. Sneaker collecting is actually a huge thing right now, and profitable. Shoes are your interface with the planet.



Susan_Sto_Helit
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 20 Feb 2016
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 12
Location: England

04 Jun 2016, 4:42 pm

It depends. Don't wear trainers to a job interview.
Some people are very fashion conscious and will check out what others wear, but others won't. I don't think your husband is abnormal, but that doesn't mean he's normal and a model of what society expects of you either. He's probably just more interested in appearances than others might be. As long as you're not wearing footwear that's obviously worn out, glaringly old fashioned or mismatched with what you're wearing, then I don't think most people will care.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Jun 2016, 10:21 am

I wear sneakers to both my jobs.

True: I wouldn't wear sneakers to a job interview.

I only maybe about five pairs of shoes, total.

I don't look at people's shoes too much.

I look at a person's eyes more.



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

06 Jun 2016, 10:43 am

Your feet are the part of your body constantly in contact with the ground, how well you look after them is communicated through your footwear.
I think its more important for men though, as they have limited means to expresss their personality through clothing. Clean and expensive=clean and well kept person. Cheap and tatty=Not well off and untidy in life.
Its like a good coat, wear an expensive one over ordinary clothes and you are always well dressed.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Jun 2016, 10:46 am

I definitely make sure that I keep my shoes/sneakers quite clean. I even put my sneakers in the washer.



cavernio
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,462

07 Jun 2016, 2:53 pm

Shoes are able to make or break a look. I only notice shoes first if they are breaking the look or are otherwise purposefully made to stand out. More important that you can walk in them pain-free though.


_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation


Unfortunate_Aspie_
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Sep 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 579
Location: On the Edge of...

10 Jun 2016, 7:59 pm

unfortunately it IS quite important!! it's really annoying to me, because comfortable shoes are never nice looking- I am VERY willing to pay for super comfortable shoes that are fashionable... however.... those are far and few inbetween.... : /
Sneakers at my job are super frowned upon, and my other semi-comfy but ratty shoes and not looked kindly upon either lol.
I have a personal vendetta against shoes I hate them they are always uncomfortable and overpriced to me. Also I can never wear the pretty or cute shoes for too long.... :roll:



AnneOleson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2016
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,824
Location: Coventry

10 Jun 2016, 9:01 pm

I wear a hard to find shoe size, so of course (sarcasm) they are usually expensive. I think it helps if you keep your shoes clean and polished. Clean scuffs and mud off (and in the winter salt stains) makes a good impression.



EloiseMollywhacker
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 11 Jun 2016
Age: 123
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

12 Jun 2016, 1:31 pm

I am fashion conscious, but I've never really been into having a closet full of shoes. I don't usually notice other people's shoes either. I can wear the same pair or 2 for months at a time. I've found that for women simple leather ballet flats and plain flat leather ankle boots or desert boots look good with just about everything and work year round.

Also, it would never make sense for me to have many shoes. I am very picky. I need versatility, comfort, and quality construction. And I need to genuinely like them and find them attractive. How many shoes would meet that criteria anyway?



cavernio
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,462

13 Jun 2016, 5:55 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
unfortunately it IS quite important!! it's really annoying to me, because comfortable shoes are never nice looking- I am VERY willing to pay for super comfortable shoes that are fashionable... however.... those are far and few inbetween.... : /
Sneakers at my job are super frowned upon, and my other semi-comfy but ratty shoes and not looked kindly upon either lol.
I have a personal vendetta against shoes I hate them they are always uncomfortable and overpriced to me. Also I can never wear the pretty or cute shoes for too long.... :roll:


The problems with being a woman (you referred to shoes as pretty and cute...a man would doubtfully do that, sadly.)

Heels are a HUGE issue, since they are still fashionable even though non-heeled shoes -can- be fashionable. But men's dress shoes are so simply in comparison. How pointy do you want the toe, what color do you like, black or brown? That's basically it in terms of a mandatory style.

My winter boots have a small heel and when summer comes around and when winter comes around my legs feel the differnce in the muscles required for walking. Different areas get stretched, and it can hurt for a few weeks.


_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation


Wewnaw
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 7 Jan 2016
Posts: 58
Location: UK

18 Jun 2016, 5:35 am

Apparently shoes are hugely important, or so my husband insists anyway. I am very specific about what I will and won't wear, footwear is no exception. I like converse, but will tolerate a few other styles. I don't mind furry boots in the winter so long as I can fit chunky socks in them. I searched for shoes I could find acceptable for work and found a pair that are smart but ugly but quite comfortable and don't give me any problems during my 12.5 hour shifts as a nurse where sitting down is a rarity! Now I own 3 pairs of those shoes so I always have something I can rely on that is appropriate. My husband believes shoes are very important and people use them to make a judgement on you, particularly a first impression. I still refuse to wear anything but my jeans and converse to anywhere but work, it annoys him very much, but if I don't feel comfortable I'm not going so it's the compromise.


_________________
Your neurodiverse score: 157/200
Your neurotypical score: 47/200
AQ score: 40.0
RAADS-R score: 189.0
Seeking diagnosis


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

18 Jun 2016, 8:25 am

I'm of cavernio's response -- shoes can make or break the rest of your appearance, so they tend to be noticeable only if that is happening.

If there is anything incongruous about your shoes -- they're dirty or worn out while the your other clothes and grooming is clean and smart -- that's going to make a bad impression on people.

On the other hand, if they are dirty and worn out and so are you other clothes because you are taking in part in a "clean up your local woodland" event, nobody is going to think poorly of that.



Unfortunate_Aspie_
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Sep 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 579
Location: On the Edge of...

18 Jun 2016, 1:51 pm

cavernio wrote:
Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
unfortunately it IS quite important!! it's really annoying to me, because comfortable shoes are never nice looking- I am VERY willing to pay for super comfortable shoes that are fashionable... however.... those are far and few inbetween.... : /
Sneakers at my job are super frowned upon, and my other semi-comfy but ratty shoes and not looked kindly upon either lol.
I have a personal vendetta against shoes I hate them they are always uncomfortable and overpriced to me. Also I can never wear the pretty or cute shoes for too long.... :roll:


The problems with being a woman (you referred to shoes as pretty and cute...a man would doubtfully do that, sadly.)

Heels are a HUGE issue, since they are still fashionable even though non-heeled shoes -can- be fashionable. But men's dress shoes are so simply in comparison. How pointy do you want the toe, what color do you like, black or brown? That's basically it in terms of a mandatory style.

My winter boots have a small heel and when summer comes around and when winter comes around my legs feel the differnce in the muscles required for walking. Different areas get stretched, and it can hurt for a few weeks.

Haha, right you are- def. a woman lol.
I love some woman's shoes I really do, but I am UTTERLY clueless about fashion-y thing, and although I am in my mid-twenties... ugh it all escapes me.
But I actually like heels quite a bit- I usually toe-walk, so heels are like "fashionable toe-walking" :lol: I find that to but absolutely hilarious. :D Like, I KNOW this was not by any means made for that purpose, but it works well for me!!
However, despite saying that I know it's not great for your feet, and so I try to be moderate with them. Also, they are hard for walking on a variety of surfaces, and just aren't great for running and such.
I had this happen once.
I looked like total shit- my hair did anyway (which is apparently a No-No) and my face was acne-ified from my period, and stress/lack of sleep. I didn't do any make-up because I have trouble with make-up and stuff... My nail polish was UBER chipped ... my outfit was nice, but as you can imagine it was all a bit in-congruent.
I had a very nice trench coat (my mother bought it for me because my other ones looked in her words "frumpy and ugly" <- hey they are comfy.... and I've had them for years...).
Anyway, I could SEE ON THEIR FACES as I walked in... "eww, what the f**k is ..." and then when they saw the shoes I was wearing (designer and really nice/super tall <- a family member made me buy them) their faces went: "oh- hmm, okay I guess that's okay-ish." (the social judgement was strong XD)
And I was on my A-game that night. I complimented the host person, talked about their home-improvement projects, and talked about the "delicious quiche" they made. All things I could feign mild interest in. So, they were okay with me by the end of the night. :lol:
But here- in this instance my shoes saved me.

But I generally just have one ratty pair of shoes... and an okay outfit. Or sometimes a super sh*t outfit and ratty shoes- it drives people away :lmao: occasionally.
Outfit coordination is SO difficult!! and I don't really get into shopping and the like so. :shrug:

I didn't realize that shoes were so make-or-break until like... nowish/recently.
Although, I got a hint of this once when I was like 12, and my mom made me change shoes because "I looked terrible" and then I said- but who looks at shoes. And then a super vain NT friend/person said:
" I ALWAYS look at a person's shoes when I size them up" and smiled. (she was trying to be nice and tell me politely that I should care)
And I was just confused and thought "but surely not everyone?? Who cares what a person wears as long as they are nice people" <- damn could I have been more wrong???? :wink:
Appearances first, I've learned that now.



LittleLu
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 213
Location: A little to the left

18 Jun 2016, 2:22 pm

Maybe I'm the odd one then. I've hated shoes for years. When I was a kid I couldn't even wear them to school. I had to have my own teacher force my shoes on my feet because I would constantly cry and kick them off because they irritated me. And not because they were to tight or anything--just because I hated shoes. It's taken years for me to get used to them, and since then I've never thought they were very important. If I could, I'd go everywhere barefoot. (Except that's not sanitary or safe unfortunately. Nor is it accepted.) The only shoes I can stand are some pairs of sandals and boots. I will wear tennis shoes and sneakers, but I don't like them.

Shoes aren't the first thing I look at when I see someone, though. Usually it's their hair and face. THEN what they're wearing. And more often than not I don't even look at people's shoes. I've had the same pairs of shoes since high school, and usually only wear two different pairs. A pair of dress shoes I wore to my wedding, and a pair of gold sandals for everything else. If it doesn't match, oh well. I wear it anyway because it's useful as long as it's functional and comfortable. I leave my epic fashion sense to my IMVU avatars, who dress in way more expensive taste. @.e...

Guess I'm not very fashion savvy in reality. If it's not black or bright green, I won't usually wear it.


_________________
~Lu


DancingCorpse
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,532

18 Jun 2016, 9:47 pm

When I was poor as dirt for several years I had some battered hiking boots that had seen a few too many hills and river banks but they were still sturdy despite being frayed and holey... then I had my only pair of other shoes which both had giant holes in the back, I didn't really care as I wasn't running for office or anything but it was kinda annoying when it rained and my feet sank. I've never really found shoes interesting, I like other items of clothes though, when I had a lot of dough I would buy clothes monthly but shoes I never had much time for.