HI I'm new...

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I just signed up and I don't know where to start. I'm about to be a senior in high school this year, which I guess I'm excited about.

So it's summer right now, which is the most important time for a senior: college stuff.

Yeah yeah...kinda wanna just forget about college for a while.

I'm considered to be quiet and shy (but I've gotten better at putting myself out there). I was so shy that in pre-school, whenever I had to use the restroom I would always get my friend to ask the teacher for me. My friend was the polar opposite of me: loud, friendly, crazy, etc. I learned to talk more to others starting in middle school. But I feel as if this caused me to keep from learning who I truly am first. Instead, I was so desperate to put myself out there that I ignor(ed) myself and who I am, and instead focus(ed) on others. Whenever I talk to people I always try to smile, be nice, and make the other person happy. It's so tiring.
I always find myself getting jealous of those people that may have "enemies" who don't like him/her, but they'll always have a group of friends that they truly belong with. For me, I just roam around. Everyone seems to like me and I guess that's good. But I don't have anyone that I can truly feel like I belong with. I'd rather have a few friends who make me happy and belong. Even when I may have a lot of people to talk to, I feel alone.

This part of me has been augmented during my college process... because during this process we started to explore who we, as individuals, are. I feel frustrated because I don't know who I am. It's especially hard because people around me have an idea of what they want to do in the future. I don't have any idea. Sometimes I'll become determine dand think "I'm going to do this!! ! This is my future!!" or "I'm going to go to THIS college and major in THIS" but this passion/determination dies down quickly. Nothing ever lasts for me, including my relationships.

I know that I am able to get over my fear of talking now, but I find myself not being able to truly connect with others. Maybe this is because I can't even connect with myself yet... What should I do?

Hello, chinkle123, welcome to WP

Hi Chinkle,

You sound an awful lot like me when I was 20. I could talk to one person at a time if they talked to me first, but with two or more I let them carry the conversation and I just listened. Groups were terrifying. Oral book reports were a living nightmare. Believe it or not, it does get easier as time goes by. Even people with ASDs develop, adapt and progress.

I didn't know what to do for a future at 20 either. Most of us tend to have a few things that are of intense interest to us. If you can find a career that embodies all or one of yours, it will be a lot more fulfilling and much easier to fit in.
I was never able to get anywhere in school or my job with my personality, but I did find a niche that I was very interested in and excelled at it. Being the company specialist gives you confidence and allows you to fit in better in spite of those communication deficits.

It really does get better!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey hinkle123 welcome.