Issues with assumptions

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Hello everyone!

I have recently found that I seem to be noticing/paying attention to peoples assumptions more than most people naturally do. Although, generally speaking, I don't necessarily care about what kinds of assumptions people are making; I still find it quite hard to explain to people what exactly my issue is when a "fit" occurs because of the assumptions they are making about what I'm saying. (I'm a very literal minded aspie)

(A "fit" for me is when somebody says something that my brain doesn't know exactly how to handle because it doesn't make logical sense, thus causing me to get frustrated/loud/angry. I'm very non-violent - thank god.)

Anyway, my brain seems to be paying extreme attention to the logic people use when speaking though. My counselor was telling me at the last meeting that I'm most likely more aware of what people are saying then they are. So I'm aware that I'm picking up on things the other person doesn't even notice within themselves but to me its clear as day.

As a basic example of the kind of thing i'm talking about: (this is what most of my problems are when this situation arises.)

Them: Hey...I think I'm going to drive my car into a wall at 100 miles an hour.

Me: What? Why would you drive your car into a wall at 100 miles an hour?

Them: What are you talking about? I didn't say that.

At this point in my head I'm screaming at them saying: YOU JUST LITERALLY SAID THAT!! ! HOW AM I THE CRAZY ONE HERE??

Now, I recognize my getting angry, in this type of situation, makes it difficult for me to defend my behavior. Which is why i'm so willing (even with complete strangers) to admit when I'm wrong about something but at the same time, the super frustrating part is that the other person seems as if they won't/can't even recognize they said something that doesn't make logical sense. It's almost as if they treat it as making perfect sense, when literally it doesn't make any sense.

So my question is this: Has anybody else had problems like this? If so, how did you over come it?

I'm looking into things on my own about dealing with peoples assumptions but I was just wondering if anybody has any insight about a good place to start.

William

So, you are saying that they are assuming you know that they are speaking figuratively.

This sounds more like issues with taking things literally.

Yes, that is what I was thinking.

I have an issue sometimes when someone tells me something and then they tell me not to tell anyone else.

I have no problem keeping a secret but then I find out that everyone already knows the very thing that I'm not supposed to tell anyone about.

It's so confusing.

@babybird - yes. basically...but when I address the illogic with them, i'm the "bad guy" because I didn't immediately get that they were not speaking literally

@League_Girl - That makes sense. I never looked at it that way, but I can see what you mean.

It might be helpful to look into something that I study. It's called symbolic interactionism. You could read anything by Erving Goffman and this might help you understand what is going on during conversations.

Figurative speech is a shortcut that people use in order to make communication more efficient. That may sound crazy, but that's really what it is for. Most people aren't aware that they are using figurative speech when they're doing it, so it can be hard to discuss it with them.

If you talk to a person often, you could tell them that you have problems understanding figurative speech. That it makes it difficult for you to concentrate on what they're saying because you're still busy thinking about the last thing they said.

You may not want to say that, however. You may not talk to the person often enough for an explanation to be worth your time, or you may not want to get into a personal conversation. You could instead ask, "what do you mean?" whenever someone says something that you don't understand. Most people are happy to say more, and they will usually use different words the second time. I have a friend who will even ask, "Will you say that again, but use different words to explain?" No one knows that this friend is autistic and, in fact, he is very popular.

I have a difficult habit of assuming that people who seem to be confident know what they are doing. Some people appear (at least to me) to be completely sure of what they have to do. If I know a change to a plan and else somebody like this doesn't, I often need to specifically process that they don't know this extra information (unlike me), because I automatically think that they also know what I know. This causes me to sometimes not pass information on to others who need it.

Conversely, I find that I am unable to make assumptions of other kinds. If a character or place in a story etc. is not described in detail, I am unable to picture it in my mind. I find it difficult to understand how other people make up details if they don't know what to expect (i.e. assuming something).

Consequently, I find assumptions to be of little use in interactions with other people.

@FandomConnection - I can understand. I have a tendency to make the assumption that most people actually want to make sense when they talk so it bothers me when I run into situations where things don't make sense; but after thinking about this at length today, it appears that's also an assumption...so I guess i still have some things to work on.

@SocOfAutism - Thank you. I'll have to look into that. I never heard of it before but I have learned recently that I love learning about human behavior and interaction, especially through language. Any particular books you would recommend?

Can anybody tell me why most people tend to make assumptions? It seems extremely illogical to me to decide that something is so with no kind of proof or support of the theory.

For me, my 'assumptions' are really just a lack of insight into how other people think.

You have to make assumptions to function in life. You cant reinvent the wheel every minute of the day.

To take an extreme, and fanciful example: if you decided to start a life of crime, and bought a gun to do stick ups with, you would proceed by operating under the assumption that your prospective victims would rather live than die. You cant approach strangers in the ally - and give them a questionaire to fill out first about any suicidal urges they might have- so you can analyze it first- before you then inform the person "well...I can see that you're a normal person with out suicidal tendencies from analyzing your profile...so..YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE!! !!"

Or conversely if you're a cop and you're arresting a perp (for doing stick ups) you assume that the perp doesnt wanna die, and you use the same threat of deadly force to incarcerate them.

For symbolic interactionism: Erving Goffman's Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. It's the shortest, most commonly known, and summarizes most of his points.

Today I said "I'm (F-ing) gonna kill my neighbor!"

I would have been very surprised if someone actually thought I was thinking of doing that, he is just very, very, very annoying and I felt frustrated.

Something I notice is I cannot say things like these to my care workers because they are trained that we always talk literally so if I said that to them I'd spook them.

@SocOfAutism - Thank you. I spent the day at work listening to youtube videos on the subject but I prefer to read as much as possible. That was one I came across but I also found several others that seem interesting as well. Who knows maybe I'll get all of them.

I used to assume way too much but my old counselor was quite sharp and she was onto it like a whipcrack whenever I assumed without any real consideration, I also learned the phrase to assume makes an ass out of u and me which is what I automatically send myself to consult if I feel I am making a vague and shallow assumption. I never used to test an assumption and my thought process used to end stubbornly often. My intuition is quite good usually but I always dig around and don't merely fly by on a skating feeling, I try to attach to them to figure out where it came from.

If you end up reading some Goffman, please let me know. I would love to hear what you think!

*animalcrackers is gobsmacked*

I can't even imagine how that's possible.....how is that possible?