Breaking the lurking barrier

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Hi all,

I've also been lurking for quite a while, really getting a lot of support just reading the extensive and varied threads on the forums, and I decided today that I would like to jump in and be a part of the community.

I am a woman, have classic autism, but received no intervention as a child because at the time, my parents were told that I should be institutionalized. I muddled through at a pretty poor functioning level in terms of self-care until I was institutionalized at the age of 28 for 2 1/2 years, when I was formally diagnosed and received assistance with a lot of the autism-related issues.

I have spent my entire life attempting to pass, which at least for me is an unsuccessful strategy because the energy cost is too high, the reward too low, and the amount of time I can spend out and about dramatically reduced. Several months ago I decided to come out as autistic, approach my abilities and limitations in a more direct way and work with what I have and don't, as it were. I think it may be the only way for me to show up in life in an authentic way and actually experience a real connection with other people. Passing and pretending I am something I am not has taken a toll on my self-esteem and left me with five decades worth of shame to try to dismantle.

I am really looking for community and connection, first and foremost in the autistic community, and this seemed like a good place to start. I am looking forward to breaking the lurker barrier and participating in some of the discussions, learning from you all, and getting to know you. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Obligatory TL;DR: I'm autistic - landing on Wrong Planet in 5...4...3...2...1...

Welcome aboard the goodship WrongPlanet.

Hope things will start getting better for you.

Hi there.

Congrats on breaking the lurking barrier.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey vrolijk welcome.

Thanks guys!! I appreciate the kind welcomes.

I am glad you have decided to take this necessary new direction in your life and I hope you are able to move toward a place where there is a softer light shining upon you and your expectations and understanding of yourself can find a meeting point that is fairer and kinder and you can grow and find what you need and want out of this brave choice!

Thank you so much Dancing. What a kind and warm greeting. I really do feel I am in the right place.

Yes. Welcome. I am so glad that you wish to be just the way you are, in the world. You are truly welcome, by all of us who understand you - or simply care about who you really are, regardless of how your mind and body work. I know I've spent my whole life trying to figure out how to make myself fit this culture - which, let's be honest, is pretty crazy and destructive. And it doesn't fit, not for me. After 41 years of trying, I have to say, I've gained a lot of understanding and skills but in some ways, it's still just me. Much rather get absorbed in the color and texture of a wall covered in ivy, than to hear some loud and raucous band out on the street... Love to rock (as in back and forth). Think about things in a deeply intricate, fiercely experiential way. Build models and spreadsheets like you wouldn't believe. Keep my living space quiet, with soft colored lights, or watch hours and hours of Dr Who... Speak only in depth with those that I trust, and avoid most others, even if I get lonely. I'd like to be casually friendly, but... What can I say, it ain't gonna happen. It's not a fit, this culture and me. But thank god, there are others who are like, in my tribe. I do belong, with those folks. And in the natural world. And with myself. So. There.

All of which is to say, I welcome you here. I just joined myself. Very cool.

Thank you Deepersky and welcome to you too. Everything you said really resonates. I think the piece that has been missing for me is connecting with our community and hearing people's experiences like yours. It helps me to understand that I may not fit in with the mainstream, but I do fit in somewhere. Rocking in nature.