Overwhelmed by new friends

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What do you do when you're trying to talk to new people and get to know them better but it's all just getting too overwhelming to deal with? I feel myself irritable again. Too much talking, writing, and listening to other people. I want it all to slow down. I feel like I want to disappear but I know where that usually always leads me to. This is so hard but I'm trying not to get too freaked out by all the stuff going on. I still don't tell other people I have asperger's, which I don't know if this is making this all the much more harder for me. I still, after all these years do not accept my ASD.

Well I think you should be honest with them- whatever you feel comfortable in saying to them. If they know you are overwhelmed, perhaps they can help? However if they don't want to understand, it's probably for the best you know they don't care in that way now. I've come to learn- its better to know important details about friends personalities early on, rather than later. Less chance of being rejected and hurt.

As for telling people about aspergers- thats your choice and you should say it when you are ready. I know people might be scared off or might not be. Not everyone is the same. So perhaps in time (once you are more comfortable around these people) you will be able to open up more to them.

That's just me though. People react different ways to different situations. Good luck!

I've always found that when I'm by serendipity making a new friend (it always happens "by accident" rather than by my efforts), I do feel anxiety at the new demand, in a sense. It's a new demand on my time (potentially) and a new demand on my energies mentally and emotionally.

At the same time there is some enjoyment at meeting and getting to know someone I seem to have some things in common with or feel comfortable talking to -- at least more comfortable than most of the time.

But it's always accompanied by my inwardly freaking out a bit too. I feel like my routines might have to be intruded upon because of expectations from the new friend even if it's just to go do something or meet for lunch or such. I also freak out about the expectation to be an interesting, cheerful or fun companion. I can be all of those things when I'm at my best, but also I can fail to be any of them when I'm not.

I realize most friends accept that each other is human and has flaws and bad moments, but I feel like mine in the past have been worse than a friend or partner is willing to deal with, and suddenly boom, they're gone when they've seen the less well-coping side of me.

So that's another fear -- when I'm coping well everyone likes me a whole bunch. But when that bad day happens they freak at my losing coping powers the way an NT person usually doesn't so severely. Fear of abandonment makes me overwhelmed at making a new friend, too.

Even if you don't want to tell them about asperger's, maybe you could tell them that you get overwhelmed easily by a lot of communication and you need to recharge sometimes. A lot of people know about how "introverts" need to do that, so I think it will be easier to explain than it used to be. I know that my big mistake in the past has been not at least explaining to friends that I really DO like them, it's just that I'm a different sort of friend.

I used to try to just be friends the way that everyone else was, but I too would end up becoming too overwhelmed and feel trapped, then I would just sort of fade away from the friendship completely. Now I explain myself beforehand and usually people are okay about it. The problems arise when they feel hurt or insulted, so I just make sure they know it's not intended to be an affront. I won't respond to people for days sometimes because I just don't have it in me, lately I find communication really challenging, but I always DO respond. That has been working fairly well for me. I'm keeping people in my life for much longer than I had in the past, and I feel a lot better about these people because for them to accept me this way, rather than when I'm pretending to be like them, is really nice.