Rejected by desperate guy...

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hi all,

I've been having a long crush on a guy (we both have AS). I've been afraid to approach him because I really felt very serious about him. After a few months I finally took the step to kindly tell him how I felt in an email... He rejected me. I accepted this of course, but I really have questions. He is very very desperate for a girlfriend, he will ask anyone out (always gets rejected himself), he tries very hard to be tactile with girls (although it does look 'wooden') so basically, he goes out of his way to try and get girls. Sadly I know those girls are laughing behind his back, which really hurts to see. They think he's weird and not 'relationship material' and that he's just trying desperately to prove he can have a girl...

What I just don't understand is why he wouldn't even give me a chance if he is so desperate? We are friends (not close) but had enough chances to see our interests & characters matched, I'm good-looking (I'm told) and I really felt a connection here. If I didn't I never would have approached him...

I feel so bad about myself now... He completely ignores me and even gets angry at me when he sees me now. I'm avoiding all contact... all I see is him making a fool of himself in front of other girls from a distance... I feel so sad.

What's so bad about me that even someone so desperate wouldn't give me a chance? I care so much for him. I never was clingy or pushy or anything like that

If anyone has experienced similar situations, your advice is welcome thank you!

I think it's safe to say that this one is not meant to be, and also that this guy is not really desperate; that said, do you really want to be someone's consolation prize? Find someone for whom you are first place, not 'participation.'

It's possible he's only interested in the unobtainable girls (I've witnessed this behavior before). You're likely better off having dodged such a person. You shouldn't feel bad about yourself and you'll be happier once you find someone who isn't with you out of desperation.

So you view him as a desperate boy and you tarnish him here, yet you expect him to like you?

Why?

This has happened to me a few times too. It also seems like some would show interest for a little while and then loose interest once another girl was around.

the only case i would love to really be with someone ..is when they are exceptional kind/good person.
i don't get why one loves someone who is not good as a person, unless it's lust" like when i love the sexy legs of a bad b**** and want them so bad 0_o

if i liked someone and they made it clear that they don't like me back , i will stop loving them and completely avoid seeing them. simple as that

yes i'd feel sad and i'd blame myself "only" for choosing the wrong person and i would regret having feeling for them in the first place

Are you fat? I know several forever-alone type of guys and a good % of them would not stoop low enough to date a fat chick.

Most guys don't have much standards other than "don't be a b***h and don't be fat".

Sorry for the course language but that's reality.

I don't find this to be so. I saw a pretty hefty woman with an average-weight guy on the train the other day.

Sorry, I'm not a relationship-guru or anything, but this guy you speak of reminds me of myself... It's likely that he rejected you 'cause you're not hot, and he's trying to score a chic who's out of his league... Sooner or later he's gonna realize he needs to be less picky and settle for less, or improve from past interactions and keep pushing his luck with random girls, but at the right place/right time.

Hi all, thanks for the many (and varying) replies. I also think he might not be feeling ready for something 'real'. Initially he acted around me the same way he acts around all girls: extremely flirty and tactile. Then when I returned the interest he shied away. Also, he actually tries with every girl, literally EVERY girl who is not standing right next to her boyfriend. So that includes girls who look less attractive and more attractive than me. I don't think this is a physical thing. It's hard for me to even admit that he acts desperate, but it is plainly stating the obvious. It kills me to see this and hear the girls (and guys) laughing behind his back over how many girls have turned him down and how many girls he keeps asking out etc... because my initial thoughts were that he might really be wanting something, but then isn't ready for the 'real' thing. You know, when things get real they get scary? I can really relate to that actually... It's just hard to not seek fault with yourself when someone appears so willing to date people... It's really saddening to me actually. I wish he knew his worth! Well... it's not like he's going to let me change his mind so... sigh!

Man, thats crazy. Or put another way, that man is crazy. I'm not talking about ASD.

And he's an A-hole too for treating you badly just for saying you liked him.

Put lots of yardage between you and him and don't look back ever. There are lots more single guys out there.

P.S. I have an Aspie brother-in-law who sounds identical as far as the desparate part goes, though hes less forward and tactile. He will date anyone who will say yes, and they never last, but he has had some several month relationships. So something else is going on with this guy you speak of. A personality issue on top of ASD.

So....this thread turned into a public stoning and shaming of a guy just because he rejected a Nice girl for whatever reason?

And because he ghosted her for whatever reason?

People, ..... flash shokcing news for you: men also have the right to reject or to ghost a nice woman, any woman. Regardless if the reason of this rejection is good or silly - no one has to justify for a rejection.

If he hits on literally every girl, it's probably an ingrained habit. Maybe he knows how to hit on people, but not what to do when they respond?

In any case, it sounds like a confusing situation. I've even heard of people becoming attached to their identity as a reject, to the point that they're unwilling to give it up.