Is it even possible for ASD + NT relationships to work?

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During the course of my current relationship, I realized that I have ASD. It was a bit of an "ah-ha!" moment, but ultimately it only labels a problem with no solution. I am a "fix-it" kind of person, so not being able to is very frustrating. The big problem happens in my relationships, when tensions are high & someone gets hurtful. For example: my fiancee had a bad day, and immediately starts criticizing me even though I have also been working all day. I know this is one of those things that humans (see:NTs) do to one another, but I just can't take any of it. It sends me (almost immediately) into a huge meltdown. I just can't take being attacked by a person who is supposed to be on the same team (if not a spouse, then who?).

I guess this raises the bigger question of "How do we deal with idiosyncrasies of the NT psyche?" such as passive-aggressive behaviour, self-sabotage, etc. I know I am about to come off as "Spock to the n-th" but all of these illogical behavior patterns are maddening. If I grew up in India, I could write a book & all the NTs would buy it. They do so many things that serve no purpose whatsoever, simply because they either assume "that's what you do" or they are parroting the (interpreted) reactions of their parents to (seemingly) similar situations. I guess maybe I need to polish up on Freudian psychology...

They work all the time.

We have some people with ASD's who are happily married to NT's right here on this Site.

I have an NT boyfriend and am lucky that he is very understanding. I don't thing being very critical is an NT thing to be honest. Sometimes I do have meltdowns and it have taken him 2 years to understand and recognise it's not me being difficult and that it is natural. He sometimes struggles because he hates seeing me upset but does his best to help me out.

Ive definitely found that introducing them to reading material on ASD and calmly explaining your personal struggles with ASD I'd very useful. My bf knew nothing about it before he met me.

I think your right yu shouldn't be attacked by the person on the same team. If my boyfriend is grumpy and tired from work and unintentionally is critical I calmly tell him. I explain that I understand he is grumpy but it's not fair. Often he doesn't even realise he was doing it, perhaps ypur partner is the same.

Yes, provided that they are each Without Sin, and otherwise thus Old and/or Experienced enough.

Even NTs don't like passive aggressive behavior or undue criticism just because the other person is in a bad mood. I don't think you're fiancee is exhibiting typical NT behavior she is exhibiting a**hole behavior. The thing is NT's aren't all 'normal' they have flaws, some have disabilities, mental illnesses or life experiences that effect their behavior. Just like if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism...basically NTs don't all fit the same mold. She shouldn't jump on criticizing you whenever she's in a bad mood.

Also freudian psychology is largely B.S so you probably won't get much useful help from that.

Sex is not a sin. That is a huge lie promoted by religion. Even The Messiah says that sex is not a sin.

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
You may benefit from reading this book. Once my wife figured out I was an Aspie, things got much better very quickly--it can be done!

They absolutely can work if both parties communicate and are patient with each other. Unfortunately it can be hard for people on the spectrum to develop relationship maturity, but still completely possible.

Yep....even us Spectrumites are full-fledged members of Homo sapiens sapiens.

some do, some don't

probably a better chance at making a NT relationship work if you are a girl