Women, how did you get your girlfriend?

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Hey,

I'm female and bi, but more attracted to women. As in, if I wanted a partner, I always think of women first, but I can potentially fall in love with men also. I have never had a girlfriend, well actually, I have never had any relationship at all. I haven't even had my first kiss. That was ok, because I used to really dislike being touched, and I also never had a huge interest in dating or relationships. I had a few crushes, but nothing happened, although there was this one guy who was clearly interested in me and I also really liked him, but I kind of was too afraid and so nothing happened there either.

Well now since a few months I find myself wanting to have a girlfriend sometimes. I don't know, like, at least try it and see if relationships are for me? I still think I might have a problem with touch and being together a lot of time because I really like not having people around me. But yeah. There is one girl I have somewhat of a crush on currently, however I do not know her orientation, I think she might already have a boyfriend but I'm not sure if they are a couple or just friends. Anyway I have no idea how to approach this. It's hard enough with straight men, but with women where you don't even know if they are interested in women at all? Worst of all I only see her about every 3 months and we have barely spoken to each other so far. So, yeah, I am mostly attracted to her looks and she might not be who I think she is at all, I know that. The problem is that I have no idea how to even try to find out if she's bi or gay - I have the feeling she might be bi and I usually have a good 'gaydar' but yeah. Also she just is a really beautiful woman and the last times I was around her I didn't dare to try to talk to her because I felt so inferior somehow.

So, regardless of this one woman, I really don't know how to ever get a girlfriend. Obviously I could try online dating but I don't think that would be for me, so let's not do that for now. There have been two women in the past who hit on me but I wasn't interested in them like that. Yeah I am kind of picky as well - not in the way that I think people are not good enough for me, it's just that there are very few people I feel any kind of romantic attraction for. I feel like it's much harder to tell if a woman is interested in you, because the difference between 'friendly' nice comments and actual flirting is hard to determine.

If any lesbian or bi aspies could give any tips, or share how they got their girlfriend, that would be great I know this is quite a bit of naive rambling...

Well... My special someone and I met on this very forum. She pm'ed me first, and we became great friends quite quickly. Then, several months later [well, only about a month...maybe less]... [I'm all hot and embarrassed just talking about it!] Of course, she may indeed have a different perspective of the whole thing, so I'm just one half of two.

Are there any specific tips or such that you're looking for?

Well to be read.

I met my most resent (but ex) girlfriend on Plenty of Fish. We were together for almost 5 years, but things went sour as I am not "emotionally available" and somewhat sexually void. We are still best friend and room mates, but have a simply plutonic relationship now.
I feel badly because I know it is not enough for her, but it is just right for me; companionship without the burden of sexual intimacy (sex is hard for me, I just can’t seem to ever understand what someone else wants and when, which is very frustrating to partners; also I am content to just be close to someone, actually engaging in intercourse doesn’t really occur to me unless I am directly prompted, and when I do engage it is forced and mechanical and my partners can tell).
I was previously married, to a very abusive person with a varied array of psychiatric issues accompanied by closeted gender-dysmorphia. This relationship ended very badly, but in a sick way was my most successful sexual relationship, as I never had to guess when they wanted sex or what they wanted, because they just took what they wanted whenever they wanted it. Cant say this helped me learn the required social skills for sex.