Women: What do you want to hear when a man approches you

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Another thread made me think of this idea.

For women: If a man found you attractive, and wanted to approach you (a total stranger) what sorts of things would a man say or do that would make you feel interested and not creeped out? I'm sure there are all sorts of answers, and it's an interesting topic to me. I think alot of guys would like to know.

Woah. Good question. I have been told that I miss when someone is attempting to engage me in that way. Ideally, I think I would want a male to say something like "I noticed you (doing activity) and I also am interested in (that activity). I would like to have a companion to share (activity) with. Might you be interested in discussing (topic)?"

I suppose the trouble is establishing enough basic rapport that each party feels comfortable enough to meet a second time. If chemistry seems to be present, then I just wish for clarity, since I usually cannot get subtlety. Examples might be: "May I hug you?" Or "Will you have dinner with me (place & time)?"

Okay; I'm assuming that the women in question might possibly be NTs, and an NT woman wouldn't mind an invitation to dinner, but she definitely would be creeped out by a request for a hug!! That sounds needy, potentially perverted, and very strange--absolutely inappropriate. You could expect her to walk away, hit you, or report you to a manager or even the police. At the very least, she would question your mental health and/or IQ.

In the U.S., you don't hug people you barely know—and certainly not strangers—unless you’re offering comfort (say, at a funeral) or you've just won a million dollars together on a game show.

Interest in what I'm doing, wearing. Compliment how I'm wearing my makeup or an accessory I'm wearing. Am I wearing something that indicates an interest in something (a movie/band/video game T-shirt), if you know something about it bring it up or ask about it if you don't. Compliments on clothes and makeup and accessories are good because they're things we often put thought and effort into.

I was at a bulk food store once shopping with my mom and we had just gone past the nut-butter section and they had some new almond butter and there was a cute guy browsing in that area. He overheard my mom and I talking about it (I have a peanut allergy so I love alternatives like almond butter) and asked me about the almond butter; he had never had some but was thinking of giving it a try and wanted to know if I would recommend it as I mentioned having it before to my mom. I recommended it highly. I got the vibe that he was checking me out, and if he had asked me out after that I probably would have said yes, but alas he did not (maybe because I was with my mother?). But I think that's a good example of a way to start conversation with a stranger that isn't creepy or weird--you need to find a way to start talking about surrounding circumstances rather than go right into "I think you're really pretty" or whatever line about her looks or what attracted you to her. It's less threatening and anxiety provoking to start off with something innocuous like that. I can be pretty anxious talking to strangers but asking me about something concrete like that that wasn't about me or how I look put me at ease so I didn't stumble on my words like I normally do.

Basically just be polite and kind and talk to her like she's a regular human being and you should get a positive response.

That is what I would do.

Interesting answers, what confuses me is how do you go from something innocuous to whatever that next level is. My issue and worry is also that even something totally innocuous would be misinterpreted or be seen as transparent in its intentions from a stranger especially considering the anxiety and aspie awkwardness. I've always made the assumption that most women do not like being approached by strangers in public non-social settings, that it's creepy or even harassment. Stranger-danger!

You're not wrong. It's really contextual, certain settings are more appropriate. I recommend never approaching a woman in the streets, like when they're walking somewhere or even just standing there. Or the bus. God. That's not even just for this, I mean even just a friendly thing. There's nothing worse than being trapped talking to someone on a moving vehicle.

I guess it really depends though. I compliment women all the time in public, usually on their hair or clothes, and they often do the same. I'm not sure how many would if they could "sense" that I'm interested in women lmao, but then again maybe more than you'd think. I'm agender (or a demi girl, I'm still not sure) but I present as a woman and it doesn't bother me or make me suspicious if a woman compliments me even when I know they're attracted to women (and potentially me since not many people know I'm agender irl). I tend to trust women to be less... dishonest. We have to, because women and feminine presenting people rely on each other as support and protection. So we tend to be more trusting of each other.

I agree with Wilburforce on this. I wouldn't like a man to start off with a comment in my looks, I'd find that creepy. Discussing something you have in common like the nut butter is good.

If the conversation is going well you could say, "I have to go now, but I enjoyed our chat, can I give you my number?"

If she's interested too she'll say yes, if not she may politely accept, but never contact you.

So, if a guy were to approach you, not on a bus, or a bus stop, or train, but somewhere. And commented on say, a shirt you were wearing like you say. Would this lead you to believe automatically that this guy were interested in you, or just being nice? Id it assumed by women that if a strange man is being nice to you he's interested? It probably should be.

Jacoby sort of nailed my dilemma in this type of scenario too. It's hard enough to find an "in" such as a common interest to strike up conversation about. Or even complimenting a woman on her clothes. Ok fine. But how does the interaction go from basically, Hi, nice dress, to hey you wanna go out sometime? Without coming off as weird. Is it all just the timing? Is it in the intangibles of the approach (confidence, friendliness whatever)?

Anyone please answer even though I quoted lidsmichelle. I think we need to get to the bottom of this thing here once and for all!

Maybe something like may I buy you a drink if your in a cafe or a bar. Or maybe like 'sorry to bother you but I noticed [your reading this or doing this activity] What do you think to it.

I think picking out things that are non sexual is good too like I sorry to bother you but you smile really struck me and I felt the need to come and talk to you.

I warn you I haven't been approached much so this is just like fantasy stuff

That's sort of what I'm going for anyway. Not 'what works' or 'what do guys try' but what would you, as a woman, personally be receptive to. I'm also not looking for 'what works well enough to get you to consider sleeping with a man' either. Fantasy stuff is the idea. I'm sort of data gathering at the moment I guess. I've not had to do this sort of thing in years and never really could. Plus it's such a mystery to a lot of men, not just me. We're making an attempt here at solving an age-old dilemma...

Naturally being non-sexual off the bat would be assumed. By me at least. That's sleazy and if a woman went for that it'd be a turn off for me anyways. I mean I wouldn't dream of approaching a woman, initially, and commenting her on her ass or even legs. That would seem quite sleazy even if it were a true statement, as it goes right to "I am thinking sexual things of you" immediately. I would assume eyes, hair, smile etc would be things far more acceptable. Keeping it from the neck up to start with is probably a good rule there I'd guess

I guess another part of this question is because my theory is most women don't even know, making the entire thing enormously frustrating and left basically up to random chance. If many guys don't know how to approach women, and women don't know how they want to be approached, what's a man to do?

I also have to say, I find it hard to believe you've barely ever been approached. I'm certainly not saying you are lying, but it's hard to see why. I wonder how many other women feel like that?

My mum says I'm always doe eyed and look frightened. I mostly get guys approaching me asking if I need help

Yeah, that may be part of your problem then, or maybe not. It's also possible then that a sizeable portion of the men asking to help you may be doing so with interest as well. Someone looking like they are in need of help are easier to approach because there's an obvious question to ask: Do you need any help? Are you lost etc? Maybe you have just misinterpreted guys actions in that respect. Guys who aren't bold or confident will do some REALLY awkward things in an effort to gain a woman's favor or attention.

Is it really common/acceptable in the States to approach a complete stranger and comment on their clothing?

Yes in fact. This is extremely common. I'm complimented all the time on what I'm wearing. :O

I would recommend finding something that both can relate to with the woman that the man is approaching. In my experience I don't like it when random strangers come up to me to start a random conversation, or try to touch me. It freaks me out. (I'm mainly lesbian and I don't even let girls do that to me.) Say they're a gamer girl and they're wearing a Zelda shirt. If the guy likes Zelda, he can compliment her on her attire and ask, say, what their favorite Zelda game is. Or something along those lines. Find relation. I had a boyfriend in the past, whom I decided to start dating for one of the sole reasons that he was fun enough to ask me flat out which videogame was my favorite. It turned into a friendly debate, which later turned into a happy relationship.

However on a side note, I have been approached by notably Aspie guys who were interested, but they drew too much attention to the two of us for me to feel comfortable around them. They were quite loud. So that's another aspect to think about. Keep your voice at a reasonable level. ^-^