dealing with schedule obsessions

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Hi,

My Aspie son (8yo) has over the past year become really schedule-oriented. If we go out for the day, he demands to be home by 6. In the morning, he insists on being woken up by 7 (and freaks out if he "oversleeps"). Bedtime is even worse - he's had several meltdowns recently when traveling or social events kept us out past his normal bedtime.

We're struggling with how to deal with this. We don't want our family to become a prisoner of his arbitrary schedule demands. On the other hand, forcing him off his schedule only seems to produce more meltdowns rather than increased flexibility. I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with this before and come up with any useful strategies?

Thanks!

Yes, what you're describing sounds familiar to me. My oldest, 20 yrs., is diagnosed on the spectrum and has anxiety and we have dealt with similar "schedules" of hers. I am not for sure if the reasons for it are autism or anxiety, but I'm guessing a little of both.

She is lessening with it now a bit. The best way we've dealt with it, is to try to keep a routine that is she is comfortable with overall, but also give her advance notice about what's going to happen.

Such as, during school days, we tried to keep a routine, as school was a source of stress for her anyway. Going out to eat as a family on a school night or to the store or something, would be very stressful for her, so we tried not to do it unless necessary. She could usually handle 1 day with an after school activity a week, but that was it.

But with weekends, summers, days off, vacations, etc....we would try to give her an idea of what the day was going to look like ( we still do), and that it might include being out later, etc. And even during school, as plans change, we would try to give her an idea of what was going to happen. She wasn't always happy with it, but just her knowing ahead, kept her from having a meltdown or stressing out. I won't lie, it's still hard sometimes, but like you said, I don't want to have to be at the mercy of her schedule all of the time, so we have kept trying to work on flexibility when we can.
Basically it's been a give and take between us ( her parents) and her. She also has a sister, so we do try to keep things flexible when we can.
I'm not sure about the waking up at a specific time...I don't remember her doing that as much, but she is always extra early if she has somewhere to be early due to anxiety I think. Sleep for her has always been a struggle anyway, but we do talk about how it is healthy to get as much as you can, etc...helps her mood, etc and helps the day go better...Maybe there is a social story or something if he can understand intellectually how sleeping benefits him...Maybe that would help? Best of luck!

My two short but sweet recommendations, as someone who LOVES maintaining a strict personal schedule : offer small incentives/rewards for whenever your child must break his/her schedule, and when possible, give advance notice that something is going to happen and WHY it must happen (bonus points if you can explain how it benefits your child). Also, always remain calm while following the above (It is probably hard to accomplish this sometimes, but it is key) . These are my tips based on my time as a Asperger's inflicted child with intense schedule commitments!