Asexuality

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Hi everyone, I'm Jack, 14 years old, diagnosed with Asperger's, and it sort of feels like I'm gradually becoming asexual. I don't even know if that can happen (becoming asexual, rather than always being that way), but it's certainly how it feels, and I actually quite like it. I think I used to feel a little bit like this, in that I was probably less sex-obsessed than everyone else at my age, but it's only in maybe the last six months or so that I've really felt this way. I wonder if part of it was after one experience with a crush that, let's just say, went really badly. There's also the fact that, while I was born male, I've been questioning my gender identity a lot lately. And I'm dealing with some depression at the moment, which tends to reduce sex drive. I guess my main feeling is that I'd actually quite like to be asexual, and almost that it's what I really am under all the teenage hormones. It's confusing, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts about it.

Best wishes,
Jack

I'm asexual, and have been for many, many years, but I am also quite affectionate and love giving hugs and kisses.

So long as it's not a defense mechanism or trauma-induced, there is nothing 'wrong' with being asexual or bisexual, or gay, or heterosexual.

So explore who you are and enjoy being whoever you discover! For instance, it seems sexuality and romance are not the same; someone can be asexual but hetero-romantic, meaning they generally love people on the opposite end of the gender scale but don't want to have sex with them. I've known a number of wonderful couples like that of various orientations and because they were both that way, they actually seemed to have one less source of tension or possible mis-match in their relationship and are quite stable (and wonderful). Others are aromantic, too; they are perfectly happy and content not being in a relationship. Again, very stable...

The older I get, the more I become comfortable with my asexuality. I think that once all of the hormones of my youth settled down, I was able to better focus on what makes me happy, and being the person I am instead of the one everyone expected me to be. I spent a lot of my youth under a heterosexual neuro-typical mask, and learned from a young age how to hide my "quirky nature" and non conforming sexuality; it seemed a lot easier at the time, and of course not much was known then about the broadness of the spectrum so I was likely a lot easier to hide then than it would be now.

I find in my adult life, that I prefer the company of women, vs men. I am in a committed, yet plutonic relationship with my female roommate; there is so much pressure in todays society to identify as something that can be defined by mainstream society. I am not open with many people about my asexuality, and tell most people that ask that I am a lesbian, because it is easier. I never really understood the need for people to define types of people, as we are all the same in my mind, but more neurotypicals are comforted by the notion that everyone can be explained so I just let them think what they would like.

I'm asexual too. I've known for years but only recently came out.

I am asexual and I learned I was asexual when I was with my ex at the time we were dating and I turned him down for the proposal of living together. I knew with living together came "expectations" that I was not willing to meet. While I am christian and believe in abstinence, just about every other christian I've grown up in the church with failed abstinence in the late teens or the early reaches of adulthood ...

I am asexual and realised I was so in 1982. I am 'heteromantic' meaning I can find the opposite sex attractive but could never have otherwise than a romantic relationship.

I do have a celebrity crush, namely my avatar. He is Swedish rock musician Tomas Ledin (sadly little known outside his native land but second only to God in it). I call it a 'fraternal' crush as although I find him highly attractive, I love him more as a brother. He is the big brother I have always wanted.

I am asexual.

I found out I was asexual back in April. I am 19 so I was very late to it. Sex has always scared me or grossed me out. I thought I was "broken" after I found out other people who has autism started to have sex or showed interest in having it. They also called people "sexy" I never did. Then I realized that it was not just my autism. Something was wrong with me. Then I came onto asexually and realized that nothing was wrong with me and that I was not "broken" It was a relief. I still have not told my Dad and may never will.

As soon as I found out I came out to my friends a month later. I am so use to being "different" cause of my autism that it was not that hard coming out.

My sister is asexual because she doesn't see the need to be in a relationship.

be careful it's real and not a phase like i had

I don't see the need to be in a relationship either but I am still asexual. Sex does absolutely nothing for me and I can happily live without it.

Had many difficulties with understanding my changing body while in puberty and after in my 20's. I feel more comfortable as asexual. Am going to see if I can find a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria. since These feelings of identifying as a male in clothing desires, hair style, name uses, and attraction to females. Have spoke to my parents numerous times about this. Had many sorts of depression, break downs and a yearning to get the proper help.

I guess I'm still having trouble fitting my head around this.

So is "asexual" no sexual arousal whatsoever?
The equipment is just for waste removal?

I can understand the not with other people part, but what about with yourself?


What? Is asexual something like being a Vulcan?
Because I am definitely no Spock.

So many time words fail to do their job properly.
"asexual" is too non specific.

I might be asexual, but I am too angry at the world for denying me opportunities at romance.
I have had almost nothing my whole life. I really haven't even had a chance to discover my own sexuality.
Not a virgin, but almost. 2 people (women) in 46 years. It's been 16 since the last time. It wasn't til I was 21 for the 1st.
But it's the lack of romance part that depresses me.
Satisfying biological needs of a body part doesn't bother me.
It's my heart that is broken, not further down.

I dunno, I hear "asexual" and I just hear people bragging about how comfortable they are with themselves and how they don't need anybody, unburdened by sexual thoughts. It's almost arrogant.

Sounds like people rationalizing their loneliness, or fear of intimacy.
I have a hard time believing that people are sooo self confident that they don't even think about sex.

Are you people even real?

I'm confused, lonely and depressed.
I have NOBODY. No romance, no friends, nothing.

I don't see how someone can become happy in such isolation.

I am not Spock.


(ps, and if someone really isn't interested in sex or romance, then why would they keep repeating that openly in a forum section about sex)

Forgive me for the multiple posts like this. I'm just that sort that get's something in their head and can't drop it.

I'm just wondering if I am asexual. There just doesn't seem to be a clear definition everyone who says they are is using.

My head wants to jump to asexual=robot.
That's not true, there are subtleties in everything.
But in our society running around saying I am "asexual", people will automatically jump to "robot".

You guys are obviously not robots.

I am sexually passive, the only people who have been with me have had to make the move on me.
I never get the impulse to "make a move". And I am squirly as **** around people I suspect are gearing up to make a move on me.

I have erotic thoughts and fantasies, but I do not act on them. I just consider it a side effect of living in such a highly sexualized society. But I believe there is base, instinctual desires to satisfy physiological components.

I also have romantic fantasies. But I quickly abandon those, that is just folly and self torture, romance does not exist in this world.

To me to claim asexuality, would be totally giving up.
I will always hope some day to meet that special someone and feel comfortable enough to open up to them sexually.

I think that just come from being a dual gender species. yes, there are subtle variations in genetics, but really, it's mostly 2 genders statistically. There are natural systems for balancing population in those genetic variations, but look at species all around. Mostly 2. That produces a deep instinct drawing towards the other. Only a small minority of species on this planet do it otherwise.

maybe I just think too much and ask too many questions.
I have trouble with words, words can be used in so many ways and have so many definitions.

Not to mention I produce about 10x as many as most folks when I write.

Can't shut the thinker up.
I think that's "autistic" but that's even a fuzzily defined word.

Peter, I am not a robot. But I am asexual.

I don't do sex or dating. It holds no interest for me. I don't even like people. And I don't need to rationalise my loneliness, as you put it because I don't understand the concept. I don't get lonely. The less I have to do with people the better. I am a misanthropist and I don't shy away from admitting it either. I don't go out as I have problems with crowds of people and always have had. I am a loner and don't relate well to others. I actually empathise with the likes of these gunmen and women who suddenly go wild shooting everyone in sight such as Anders Breivik in Norway, Michael Ryan in England, Thomas Hamilton in Scotland and Brenda Spencer in America who inspired the Boomtown Rats hit 'I Don't Like Mondays'.

I actually don't understand why I am defending myself because I don't need to justify myself to anyone. I am what I am and what I am is up to me. Take me as you find me or not at all.