NTs with poor social skills

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I'm an Aspie, was diagnosed 4 years ago but I've only just come to terms with my diagnosis now after spending years in denial. I am aware that I sometimes act in socially inappropriate ways but I do try to learn and improve (for example, I've learnt not to be too candid about personal affairs or ask certain awkward questions).

However, there are certain things I can seem to shake off, like my aversion to pointless questions and small talk. I detest the "how are you?", "did you have a good weekend?", "are you doing anything nice this weekend?" questions. I find them disingenuous because the asker doesn't actually care about the answer; they just ask compulsively.

I hate these questions at the best of times but I know an NT who insisted on asking me a list of such questions a day after a relative's funeral, when I just wanted peace and quiet to grieve. I was trying to make it extremely obvious that I didn't want to talk by the snappy answers, annoyed tone of voice and body language but she continued asking me pointless question after pointless question. In the end, I had to tell her straight "I'm upset, I'm grieving and I'm not in the mood to talk about what I did last weekend" before leaving the room.

I know Aspies have a reputation for lack of etiquette and sensitivity, but NTs can be really insensitive too.

This is the social ritual, and you are expected to participate. Yes, it's senseless (to those who do not or cannot socialize conventionally). But there's a social price to pay for not playing along. There are days I opt to play along, and days I opt to pay the price.

It took me until my late 20's or early 30's to realize when a stranger starts talking about the weather they are not actually seeking information about meteorological phenomena. What can ya do, eh?

When I talk about the weather, I'm actually interested in the weather

It's not as simple as the above. People like to talk about the weather, frequently, because it reflects their mood at the moment.

They probably would not care about meteorological phenomena, like I do, or record temperatures, or dew points.

Within the "ritual," though, is a real desire to gauge other people's moods, and to convey one's own.

People also like to talk about the weather, because it is impersonal AND a condition, we share. It is an "oil", that can smoothe an awkward start of a hopefully pleasant conversation.
NT´s feel awkward too.
One of the rules for starting a conversation is showing interest in the other and his/her life and whereabouts, - but it is very ok to openly say: "Listen, I am not in the mood for conversation now. Could we talk some other day?" or leave out the latter.

By the way....the weather IS interesting! Both meteorological, "farmer"-wise and aesthetically, - to me.

I have a tendency to get obsessed about things as soon as I start bothering to sit and learn about them. Tempted to start studying meteorology so I can actually be interested in all these conversations and having something of substance to add. Maybe NTs will only regret beginning chats with me about the weather if I do that though!

NT:s often don't know when to stop. Because for some reason it is OK to hurt people with questions. If it is the right ones.

"What do you DO?"
"As in work? I am on disability but I'm interested in..."
"Why are you on disability?!"
"Because X,Y, Z, anyway..." (tries to change subject)
"I know someone with Y, they work."
"Y can have different severities, also I have other stuff."
"You look fit to work."
"They are rather strict with giving out disability, that should tell you something."
"It's not good for you to do nothing."
"I do many things."
"Then you can work."

People ask people they barely know weird stuff, like they have the right to know. If someone has cancer they get asked what kind. Seriously, they should just knock it off. Have some dang compassion!

I have multiple friend who are socially awkward yet are not autistic. One of them even said that he decided to talk to me because he noticed that I am a very strange person and he tends to get along better with strange people.

Just don't tell people you're on disability. It's none of their business, anyway.

How do Aspies greet you?
I mean in what ways are their greetings better more preferable?
You may not have the answer to that because you may not encounter many other Aspies.
It could be you mostly only encounter NT people or people you figure are NT.

In my experiences being in a mostly Aspie population, they are not that much different than what is often described as NT behavior and rituals. That's just the way our society operates. I think things like asking "how are you" is really just a more cultivated version of one dog sniffing another.

A slight difference I see in some of the Aspie crowd is the greeting may be more specific to their special interest.
"Have you seen [particular movie]?"
"Do you like/play [particular game]?"
"Do you like [particular Pokemon character]?"

I think most people have really mediocre social skills, and that's usually because they just don't pay much attention to what they are doing, much less how it might affect other people. Most people probably mean well, or at least don't mean any harm, they are just clueless.

But sometimes people know full well when they being too nosy or being rude, and they just do it anyway. They have learned they can get away with it because, per the above, the majority of people are either too polite to stick it back to them or just don't know how to do it effectively. So in a sense they've just developed a skill at being rude.

Frag wrote:
"What do you DO?"
"As in work? I am on disability but I'm interested in..."
"Why are you on disability?!"
"Because X,Y, Z, anyway..." (tries to change subject)
"I know someone with Y, they work."
"Y can have different severities, also I have other stuff."
"You look fit to work."
"They are rather strict with giving out disability, that should tell you something."
"It's not good for you to do nothing."
"I do many things."
"Then you can work."
That's just a right-wing jerk who resents the tax-for-welfare system. I'd be inclined to wind them up as much as possible with a direct attack on their lame attitude, though sometimes it's better to just ignore them.

AAARGH!

I dont find conversation interesting uness its on a topic i am interested in, so i actually like having a senseless script, it gets the person im talking to off my back. I always try to steer the conversation into something im interested in as politely as possible, but overall small talk is boring.

I'd like to know that, too. Also, since you say when someone asks things such as "How are you?" or "Did you do something nice on the weekend?" they aren't really interested, first of all, how can you be sure about that and what question could people ask which would make you think they are honestly interested in knowing from you?

I might not be a good conversation starter but I know better than to ask smalltalk with someone who just went to a funeral. I would be more prone to say something totally stupid aimed to show them they have my sympathies.

Also people who are normally quite sane sometimes say dumb things at times. Like when I was totally down with the flu, you know the really bad one. They knew how bad I was and asked what temp I ran and stuff. So they knew. After that they said "Part from the flu, how are you?" LOL. Yea, seriously. Someone could have dropped a bomb near my house and I wouldn't have noticed or cared.