Was it wrong for me to take the furnitures without asking ..

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My friend called me a week ago and told me that her great aunt ..that lives in same aprtment building from mine passed away.Therefor,her mom and cousin have to clear the aprtment and discard everything.So her mom had told her that if i want anything,I can go and look around and take any furniture I want since they're throwing it out anyways.

I said sure and head to the apartment...when i got there his mom asked if i want the bed but I declined because I recently bought a new one.Then his cousin told me to look around and take anything I want.

I asked them if could take curtains..they said sure..then they offered more curtains in bag and boxes of cereals.I also took a fan and some kitchen chairs.I then told them that I aslo want the asked kitchen table but they told me that i have to come back the next day because they're using it for the time being untill most stuff have been cleared.I said okay then thanked them.

I went back the next day and ask if i can get the table but they told me that i have to come back in 2 days since they still have some stuff on it.Then she asked me to bring back /borrow the fan for now because it's hot and they want to use it.I said no problem and brouht it back.

However,today my friends mom called me today and ask if she could meet me at my apartment.I was perpelxed on why she would want to see me but i said sure.Once she got here,I knew something was up..she began telling me that she has to take the kitchen chairs back then procceded to tell me that her cousin didn't expect me to take the big furnitures .And the kitchen set has to go to the deceased husband... her cousin didn't know how to tell me when i took all the kitchen chairs.Apparently she was like"omg,she taking all that stuff"



I was like wtf,the causin told me to look around and take anything I want.Even when my friend her (daughter)called me on the phone,she told me that I can go and take anything i want since they're getting rid of the furnitures.The meeting was rather awkward and i would prefer they would have told me on the spot or specify on which things I can take.Just looking for opinions

(Mean troll comment to knock sense)

Oh no, you are going to the gallows all over furniture....

Wonder when the hanging starts...

Everyone feels like they are going to the gallows all the time.


But this is 2016 not the medival age or the Roman or Greek times.

It is 2016...

So you guys are not going to go to the gallows for refusing to say no.

Honestly people badger at each other nonstop...

In many ways these are common excuses you guys need to know do not justify right or wrong:

I have a family

I have a wife

I have a job



You all feel obligated against this all the time, but it is difficult to see past it. I do not blame you. It takes maturing, but for starters many cereal killers have that as a reminder.

You did nothing wrong. They told you you can look around and take what you want and you did just so.

There might be some miscommunication but I doubt you are at fault. I was probably some misunderstanding between them. Or your friend was not specific enough. Or forgot/didn't know that some of the stuff were already booked by other family members.

No, you didn't do anything wrong. At the time they told you you could take stuff, the different family members had not had a chance to settle among themselves who would get what, so your friends were too hasty in making the offer to you. When there has been a death in the family, things are often chaotic for a while, and different people may not be on the same page all at the same time regarding the disposal of personal possessions. While technically you may not have to return the stuff, the family really does have first dibs on the property. It is unfortunate that the various family members didn't discuss among themselves what to do with these things before offering them outside the family. You may not want to return these items, but it would be the most polite and friendly thing to do. Should you receive a similar offer in the future, get the party making the offer to make a written list of what is being offered, and also ask if they have checked with other family members first, in case someone else in the family wants something on the list.

Hope this helps.

Fighting over who gets what after a death is very common. When my grandfather died 15 years ago, my parents and my aunt and uncle were working out the details. Believe me, they fought over in very passive aggressive ways.

For instance:
According to one of my parents, they had explained to one extended family member that we were going to take my grandfather's glass. That family member started taking the glasses out in a very angry manner.

They also had made a big deal about us getting his couch. "You are getting the couch aren't you?"

I don't know why they would want his couch and glasses since they have the luxury to buy nice things all they want.

As for your friend's cousin, it sounds like they didn't know how to say "No" so they led you around because they like you too much. It could have also been that they said something which felt good at the time and went back on their word because reality hit.

You might tell them, "Listen I really thank you for offering to take some of your late aunt's things. I understand that you have people in your family who want certain items. I really felt confused when you said that I could take anything that I want. I also felt like you could have been more upfront but rather I was given the runaround.

I really hate situations like this where people waste my time in saying something that feels good at the time and then changes their mind. Yet can't be upfront about it

Deaths, funerals, and dividing stuff are stressful things that make people act completely irrationally.

The last funeral I was at (for a family member) was crashed by family members who knew they were not welcome.
Following that was a lot of drama (phone calls, e-mails, whispering) about the distribution of stuff - both money, and sentimental items like clothing.
It ended with a couple major schisms - people who will probably never talk again.

It really sucks you got caught up in that.

But you did *nothing* wrong at all.
If anyone owes an apology, it's them to you - but they may not even realize that, and it would be compassionate of you to not hold this against them, or against yourself.

You were not wrong; you asked for (and got) confirmation often enough.

However, it is the right thing to do if you return the furnitures now, miscommunications happen, and you don't want to get too caught up in issues around the death of a person, even if it is only about posessions...