Being broken up with

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Figured this'd be the place to talk about this and hopefully someone can relate or give some nice advice/support. I'd appreciate it a lot.

For nearly a year now, I've had a lovely girlfriend (who had Asperger's just like I do) and it really helped me to feel better about myself and like I belonged somewhere. We've had trouble along the way but generally things were going well and we complimented one another nicely, or so I thought.

Just a few weeks ago now I was chatting with her over Discord and she said she needed to discuss some things with me. The upshot of it was she left me, with my anger issues towards myself apparently being too much stress and her just feeling less love towards me.

Ever since she did I've been feeling dreadful. My social life has completely fallen to pieces, since she was the person I talked to most and I've no one else I can really call that close a friend. A hobby of mine is editing and making videos, and I find I totally lack motivation to do this anymore since everything I used to make I had her in mind as my audience. I find I dislike myself even more strongly than I did before because nobody loves me anymore.

I've no idea what to do. I can't even talk to my parents about it because we were just about to get to the stage where we told our respective families about us when she did this. I feel as though I've nothing to live for anymore, and I've been considering harming or killing myself more and more because of it.

There has to be some way of dealing with this.

If you managed to get her you can meet someone else eventually.
You could throw yourself into your work\career

You can get through this. It hurts right now, but the pain will dissipate over time.

Even the bad experiences can give us positive things. You've learned a bit about relationships and that will make you better for the next one. Life experiences are like honing a knife.

And then, you'll meet someone new and you'll wonder why you were so hung up on the first girl.

It comes at some point for almost all of us, and for most more than once. And there's nothing quite like the first, for sure.

If you can, throw yourself into what you have - creative endeavours, (academic) work, hobbies. If you've been thinking about trying something new, now's a good time to do so. See if you can stake out new non-girlfriend territory in your life - I've found that helps, otherwise you can be swallowed up by memories.

It's a rite of passage, and many others have been through it and left a creative effort in commemoration. Music, books, films, poetry - I've found these things help.

I kept a journal. Wrote and wrote and wrote. It helped externalise and exorcise some of the sh***y feelings, and gave a sense of perspective.

It passes and eases, in time.

You are grieving a loss, and yes, it hurts like hell.

At the same time, if you are staying in that same place for more than two weeks and feeling hopeless and suicidal, you may be suffering from major depression and you need mental health treatment for that. People do die from major depression. Get some help. You can tell your parents you need to see a shrink or the doctor for your depressed feelings, without telling them about the girlfriend (though you do need to tell the therapist about it).

I wish you every success. It sounds like you have a lot of strengths and I think eventually you will be ready for another relationship, but for now, just take care of yourself.

Thanks for all the replies and advice everyone. I'll try to respond and listen to as many as I can

The difficulty is I met her through an online hobby. We don't even live in the same country, but we found we really made one another happy and were willing to work out how it'd work long term. I can scarcely make a friend face to face.

I hope so. Honestly one of the things I'm missing most is having someone to make feel special. Atm I can't imagine meeting anyone I understand as deeply or can trust as much as I did her.

I'm trying my best to. I do still see her around is the thing, thanks to a shared online community we both use. I've even a video project I have to go through with that she made a part for, and I can't remove her section from it; it's not fair to the other entrants to cancel it for personal reasons.

I'm finding I can only remove myself from it so much, since we spent a lot of time together and shared a lot. It feels better having gotten it off my chest here though, thanks.

Yeah, there's no real denying I'm quite unhappy besides it. I'm supposed to be getting a letter from my doctor for an appointment with the mental health department (my mum made me go to the doctors because of my anger towards myself), but it still hasn't come through after three or four weeks now. I hope it does soon.

I think my feelings have been worse recently because I contacted her a few days ago to discuss feelings about the whole thing. While it did help with that, it also re-opened the wounds, so to speak.

Sorry to hear that,

Btw I wouldn't go on drugs if I were you, they affect your sleeping patterns and are habit forming,unless you were thinking of self harm

A couple of things. Breakups are common, and if you are the person that didn't want to breakup, they simply suck. No getting around the hurt. Continued contact with the person generally only lengthens the hurt.

The hurt lessons and usually goes away in time. Anything you do to distract yourself from it can help, especially looking for someone new to fill the current void.

I would address the 'anger issues against yourself'. If it damaged one relationship it could again. That is if it really was the cause and not just a reason she gave to cover her simply losing interest, which happens all the time.

Was your anger ever directed towards her? Or did you just create a unpleasent environment by being angry at yourself?

I was never angry towards her, I made sure of it. We both sometimes got a little fed up of one another as happens when you're around someone constantly (though very infrequently) but that's about it. I always made sure she knew I loved her and valued every second we were together.

I am slightly sceptical of her reasoning, as we've spoken since and she admitted to me after I enquired if she left me for someone else that she had developed feelings for someone else, though she insists that wasn't a reason for the breakup. Personally I can't see how it can not have been.

It's very hard seeing her basically having a better life without me while I feel horrible for not being with her. It's getting better slowly though. The suddenness is what gets to me I think. I thought everything was fine right up until that day.

Can't imagine myself ever being in a relationship again, but I'm certainly going to deal with my anger. My parents think I'll end up being medicated.

I know Slenkar advised you to avoid the meds, but I am asking you to keep an open mind. They do a lot of good for some people, myself included.

Having a good durable relationship is not easy for NT or AS. The road to it is virtually always a series of trials, good for a while (hopefully) but then unraveling. But those are normally valuable experiences.

It's ok to mourn the loss. Thats natural. But then, after a time, get up again.

I have found what a partner tells you and what really is are often two different things when relationships are breaking up (and perhaps before you know it). Its just how people try to smooth over uncomfortable developments. You may find yourself doing it one day, as the alternative - blunt honesty- can be hard to do in that situation.

The goal, for me at least, was to find the one that would last. You have to keep looking and be patient for it can take a very long time. In the interim, make of yourself something that someone else out there is looking for.

I first fell in love aged 18, while I was in Canada for 4 months.

We tried to keep it alive when I returned to Scotland, but we couldn't.
It's still got a little pain to it even after all these years and other , much longer relationships.
You will love again, and you will be dumped too, or you may do the dumping. That pain you feel now is very real, let it fill your brain, write, paint or make videos. Just find a way to let it out, you'll be glad you experienced the pain of a broken heart even though it hurts like a bastard.

It's not nothing, it's something and it's always better to feel something than nothing.

Hang in there dude.