Questionable? aspergers or am i just mad.

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Hello,

I'm writing on here as it'd on my mind alot recently since the birth of my child, and has been in variable amounts since a sort of breakdown or life crisis.

My main question, and i'm quite scared to ask this : do you think that it is possible to have a diagnosis or rather a non-diagnosis wrongly placed... ( if that is the right words)

the reason i ask is well, i've never had hings easy when it comes to social things and often have found myself in trouble but not knowing how. ... When i was at school i was bullied terribly for not being the same as everyone else. I didnt have a boyfriend at school and i didnt read magazines, i didnt wear the right shoes or have an interest in celebs. I used to cry as i didnt understand why i didnt appear to mingle with them, i was often referred to as a hippy lesbo because of my facination with the wild and animals. it was my favourite subject of course. I have always had weird relationships with teachers and , then this continued thoughout college and the worst university.

i found myself at the age of 14 ish trying to fit in , i even went as far as trying to take an interest in wearing adidas, and dumbing myself down in lectures. I wagged school alot because i couldnt stand being around the people that buillied me which was most of my year.

I managed to get through college without offending to many staff members but i was in a small group of less than 20 people, and few tutors, and the animal part of the college, (although i did scare one because they had put my grade through wrong on the final certificate and refused to change it by saying there was nothing that could be done to put it right .).

just after college i stil used to cry about how i didnt fit in, and how isolated i would feel but i did have a few very beautiful friends that id made at college and still love to this day.
It was about then , 10 years ago that i stumbled on a blogg type thing that was a day in the life of . And i couldn't beleive how much i could relate to.

i took some things from the bio and tried to use them to improve the way i connect with people but i still struggle and i still get taken advantage of, even though i try not to.

But when i went to university all the work i have done on myself went down the pan. Ive had troubles in the workplace before but whilst vet nursing i've never had them pointed out so much to me before. I got asked to leave 4 practices that i was volunteering at because of the way i offended people , but the reality is i was trying to be nice, and i got so upset when these things were said to me , that i couldnt explain to people about the occurring situations. Sometimes it would just be i literally by explaining my previous experiences they took offence, but sometimes it would be when i noticed details that were different to how i saw things before. I was very very good at my job, (clumsy but good, i once somehow pulled an anesthetic trolly on myself, i still have the scar and my head became a burden for being bumped) .. Anyway my tutor at uni took a disliking to me, causing me great anxiety she also said to me in tutorials that i was disrespectful, and had no compassion, and may other things. I was gobsmacked because most people i worked with loved me, they did have to give me direction on phones and talking to public as i often swore and said "inappropriate things" remember once telling an owner about the operation of his b***h spay and i thought he was worried so i was trying to reassure him by going into detail about the operation. But i failed to notice the fact i was making it worse and he was about to faint..... whoops. it was a shadowed consultation so i was lucky on that one. Anyway needless to say the tutor who disliked me happened to be the one assessing me on a practical, seeing her made my existing anxiety so bad i couldnt talk and the shake on my hand so bad i couldnt perform it properly. i failed that exam and ended up with a different degree despite me passing all the subject matter and portfolio. Another tutor kept accusing me of not listening , but it was because i never kept eye contact for long periods of time.

I've written a assignment here and there is so many other things i feel i want to explain to this story. . . but anyway i wanted to keep it small.

I went for testing about aspergers just after all this mumbo jumbo happened in my life i was at a point of a crisis, but i also felt when they were testing me i was feeling so down that i tried my hardest to play along with what ever the aspergers testing people wanted, but i dont think i was clear minded enough to be honest with them, as i had spent so many years trying to cover up my anxieties and differences that i often leave more stuff in my head rather han answering a question, by simply replying i dont know. so i never explained half the stuff i prob should of.

I recently learnt that apparently when i was little the "welfare" as my mum says wanted to send me for speach therapy when i was very little, but my mums response was she can talk perfectly well she just doesnt want to tlak to you. have to laugh it's very true often.

Well i've tried to be short and sweet on this but it's hard to , and so much stuff i've missed. The people who tested me also was not sure at first but then decided i wasn't . i accepted it at first , but i find myself questioning it more since the birth of my baby. It's like being at school again and told to go to meet new mums.

Ive already had a run in with silly services that didnt go well for a while.

oh and i prob should include to this story a junior psychiatrist misdiagnosed me with a borderline personality disorder as she keept saying she doesnt understand me, but this was later reviewed by a head consultant who diagnosed me with a prolonged adjustment reaction from the above incident... it had alot of repercussions in my life.

Ok so i'm going to end it there.... is it possible the non- diagnosis was wrong>?

Congratulations on the birth of your child. You didn't mention the father; is he still around (please don't think of this as an insult to you. It's an insult to any father who would abandon his child).

Now that you're a mother, it's good that you are trying to make sense out of yourself.

It is my fondest hope that you tell yourself that you are a mother first, and somebody with some "disorder" second. Too many people make the mistake of believing they have a "disorder" first, and thus somewhat neglect their parenting.

Have you gotten a degree/certificate as a result of your college/university studies?

You have the experiences of many on WrongPlanet. Bullying. Scorn by peers, the whole nine yards.

You should find many kindred spirits here.

And please....post in the Parents' Section should you need help with parenting issues.

Thankyou for your response. I meant to write but it looks like i over looked it, i hope i'm ok to write this question as i dont know if and whos posted it before.

I received a national diploma in animal management, and a fdsc in animal health.

Thankyou , yes mother lol struggling but yes a mother, the dad hmm well he's about when he wants to be , working progress trying not to let him do that to her though.

it's not a parenting issue i'm asking but it does relate. Should i repost it?
x

You shouldn't re-post this post.

But if you have a parenting issue, you should post in the Parenting Section.

I see that you've had employment in your field, which is good. And I'm sure there's a great need for people with your qualifications.

Now that you have a child, I believe it's important to just show people that you have a job to do, and to forget most of the social nonsense that comes with working. Just be friendly in a professional sense, and don't let people get into your business.

Oh i forgot to add as well. i used to drown out noises by humming to the tone, and i still put my fingers over my ears to police and ambulances. The new sirens are harendous, they really get me..
10 years ago i had a bilateral sympathectomy that cuts the sympathetic nervous trunk at t2. I didnt understand when i had it how valunable that nerve was. I had it because of my hyperhydrosis, certain textures, temperatures, and thoughts would make my hands sweat and drip. ( i still have the problem with my feet) i found out later it was because of a hyperactive nerve.

Another question is does anyone find themselves twitching to sounds almost like the vibration passes straight through them? particulary when houses are quiet?

i'm going to shut up now and listen i've written more than i intende and yet not enough x

I don't have really severe sensory issues.

But some of us on this Site do....and I hope they will chime in.

It's a very interesting subject, and many people her can identify with this aspect of autism.

Now...let me say, it doesn't mean you actually have autism.

And also let me say, even if it turns out you don't have autism, WrongPlanet can still be a Site where you can definitely post.

Because you're interested in autism, and sympathize with it.

I was really hoping someone could give me advise as i really dont know how to deal with it .
When i read posts such as, how have i improved and the questions, problems and answers , the everyday stuggles the over thinking on appointments time it litterally can make the tears roll down my face because it's like taking snipbits out of my life over and over. Im not sure about just sympathising with it , it appears more that how it is for me. But being aware of certain things makes me try not to raise my head complaint loudly. I.E when someone cancels an appointment the preperation in my head, or the way my day will go, or not go as it changes affects me alot more than i ever let on.
i.e for instance working in a veterinary practice made me try to give grace for late appontments, as ive found myself working in those environments. Despite the fact it still bothers me too much. There are lots of things im still realising now are even a thing. I refused to acknowledge or read anything about it for a long time , as i was afraid it may be so, then as mroe things have been pointed out to me over the years it brings me back time and time. I'm not sure where to take the knowledge or to ever approach the subject again. I find it difficult when people take me wrong but i also find it hard to always be aware as it exhausts me.

Im not even sure my internal diaglogue is even making sense atm while im writting this..


anyway i'd love to hear some people thoughts one this if you can spare the time. even if you do think im just mad.

thanking you ahead

I don't think you're mad. I believe many people can identify with what you're going through.

I don't like it when I'm late for something, either. It really throws me off.

You certainly have experiences like many of us do but it's hard to say if it is Asperger or something else.
I would suggest writting down everything and show it to a psychiatrist. That's what I did - because I am not good with an actual talk. I either misunderstand the question or doctor forgets to ask something important and I dont know I am supposed to mention it.

Do you remember anything from your childhood? Your story seems to start from middle school. How about nursery, preschool, elementary? How did you fit in back then? What kind of child you were?
Include it in the essay.


What is your aspie quiz score? http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Ello, Im replying again, i did once but the server went down. Im not sure exactly what i wrote, now i have a different head looking at the screen.

My score on that quiz was 160 , there were questions i couldnt answer but also questions i didnt get or felt that i couldnt make judgment.

There were lots of things when i was little , the bullying started very early on . I remember not ever wanting to play the dress up game in reception , didnt get it, but also remember never getting to play with the toys at playtime because all the other children had them. If i managed to a hand on one i would always let the other children take it. I didnt know how to do anything else. Also remember a music lesson from this time that caused me great upset because everyone was just wacking their instuments , but i wanted them to play them individually but i never was heard. later in school apparently i got in trouble but i never realised i was really , ... it was one of those when a teacher asks you a question, you answer it then get told your"back chatting" . My minds a bit blank at the moment.

I got bullied so bad in junior school that i had to move house because the girl next door was my friend one day then decided not to be, she knew all the kids on the street. The once she said she was so i went outside and her and a few other people that were older than me , battered me .

the story goes on like that alot. i have one friend from when i was 7, she adopted me . thats usually how my friends go.

at school i dreaded english lessons but loved science, geography , art, and was just good at maths . .
When asked to write a story, a book review, or a report it was just the hardest thing ever. i found myself copying computer game characters . it was just easier but i dont think i ever managed to finish a story.



i'm a bit tired right now , so brain is in astro plane mode. need more specific questions


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