Uninvited
Here's the situation:
Her: Hey, Person 1, want to go get lunch?
Person 1: Yes!
Her: Hey, Person 2, want to go get lunch?
Person 2: Sure.
Her: Hey, Person 3, want to go get lunch?
Person 3: Looks at me, then quietly says 'yes.'
Me: There's a good pizza place nearby.
Her: Looks at me, doesn't invite.
Me: Is left alone while everyone goes to lunch.
randomeu
Veteran
Joined: 30 May 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 628
Location: In the wonderful world of i dont know
Her: Hey, Person 1, want to go get lunch?
Person 1: Yes!
Her: Hey, Person 2, want to go get lunch?
Person 2: Sure.
Her: Hey, Person 3, want to go get lunch?
Person 3: Looks at me, then quietly says 'yes.'
Me: There's a good pizza place nearby.
Her: Looks at me, doesn't invite.
Me: Is left alone while everyone goes to lunch.
what the actual hell, that sounds crazy.
i had a group of friends in primary school that turned out to not actually like me anymore, so tried to get rid of me when we got to high school.
P1: hey so everyone coming to my house?
P2:sure
P3: ill have to ask but yeah sure
P4: yep
P5: yes but depends on what time
me: sure!
P1: oh uhhh.....Sean, i think Oliver wants to talk to you
me: oh? okay, ill find him ill be back in a second *has gone but still within earshot *
P1: so the time is 11 on the 26th
P2: cool
Me: hey im back, so what time?
P1: time for what?
Me: going round to your house
P1: thats a thing? when did this happen
Me: uhhh...you just said
P1: no i didn't
Me: i thought you did
P1: nope.
_________________
AQ score: 45
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 174 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 30 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Officially diagnosed 30th june 2017
Slightly depends.
If it's a work situation,
I will not make a big issue out of
not being invited to lunch.
However ...
Outside of work,
if a group that I am standing in
or within earshot of
is talking about going somewhere right in front of me,
then 99% of the time
I take it for granted that I'm going with them
if it's to a public place,
and loud enough for them to hear me, I let them know.
That said, I won't invite myself over to somebody else's house
when it's clear the owner of the house doesn't want me there ...
but I will definitely feel free to call out that rude person in front of everyone else,
because he or she has just shown that they are no friend of mine.
"So, you're not interested in the pizza place today, eh? Good enough, then where are we going instead?"
or
"Well, I heard you say that the time is 11 on the 26th. But I prefer not to hang around liars anyways." (NOTE: Yes, I know 'them's fighting words' ... use caution here, it might not always be wise to actually be as outspoken and direct as to come out and call someone a liar. You might want to soften the message and just say "But I'm busy that day anyways.")
Sadly, I will realize that these are rude people,
not friendship material.
And I would really think twice about
wanting to spend ... or waste ... any more time on them after
they pulled something stupid like that on me right to my face.
...
Her: Hey, Person 1, want to go get lunch?
Person 1: Yes!
Her: Hey, Person 2, want to go get lunch?
Person 2: Sure.
Her: Hey, Person 3, want to go get lunch?
Person 3: Looks at me, then quietly says 'yes.'
Me: There's a good pizza place nearby.
Her: Looks at me, doesn't invite.
Me: Is left alone while everyone goes to lunch.
You don't want to be hanging out with people like that. That's rude and unkind. Go find some kinder friends. Even if you aren't besties with them - hang out with people who are kind. Always.
.
While attending a congregation a few years ago, one of the leaders threw a surprise birthday party her husband and they invited lots of people but I wasn't one. The only reason why I found out was because one of the other leader's son, who also had AS, asked if I was going to attend while I was at a monthly women's meeting. It was when I overheard several of the women talking later that I jokingly said: "I don't know anything about most of these things because I seem to be out of the loop." The woman tried to lie to me. "Well, of course, you were invited and I meant to give you an invitation but my husband kept following me around." I didn't go because it was too far and I didn't feel comfortable about going.
I had spoken to several other people about her treatment and they told me that they personally would not have gone and I agree
Now I have had fits about not being invited before and I have gone so far as to call people up and yell at them via voice message but that was 16 years ago. I also used to personally confront people "Why wasn't I invited?"