Why don't people give real dating advice?

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I often ask simple questions like, what's a good way to approach a girl, how to write a good dating profile and what's a good first message? No one ever gives me real answers. I always get smart ass answers or some variation of just be yourself. I understand why guys get into pickup. They want answers and the PUA community is the only place that tries to offer an answer. I admit that if I were a straight male, I'd probably be into PUA shyt. Does anyone here have any real answers?

I am not sure if there are any "real" answers, because everybody has their own style.

I think you're right that there is a lack of good, specific information. People hate on PUAs but they're the only ones who give concrete specifics in their advice (even if some of it is inaccurate).

It would be nice to at least have a few good lines to get things started. I don't even get good non-specific advice. It's all just a variation of be yourself.

I've given non-fake advice, I feel--albeit somewhat obvious.

It's better to emphasize your strengths, rather than your weaknesses.

It's better if you don't give the impression that you are something which you are not.

If you're not a tough girl, you're not a tough girl.

I'm not a tough guy--I'm not going to portray myself as a tough guy--ever.

THERE ARE NO LINES!! !! !! Only superficial people respond to lines.

I don't even know what my strengths are, besides being "artsy". How can I figure out what my strengths are and how that will make me attractive to the type of girl I want?

Being "artsy" is a strength in itself. Some "tough" girls (who used to be called "dykes") like artsy girls, because they have a secret yearning to be "artsy" themselves.

You have to really sit down with yourself, think things over with a clear head, and maybe write down what your "strengths" and "weaknesses" are.

Sometimes, "masculine" women were also called "butches." There are also "soft butches" who are somewhat aggressive, but feminine.

Strengths: Being artsy
Weaknesses: living a semi-NEET lifestyle, being awkward, no experience

It also seems like being artsy only attracts people who aren't attractive to me. I come across as an anime girl instead of an artsy girl.

The only way to get experience...is to get out there and get experience.

You'd probably get the type of girl you want at a heavy metal sort of concert.

What do you mean by 'artsy'?

From the front?


Be funny and interesting.

Or, to give an example, you say you're 'artsy'. That could mean quite a bit, some of which may not apply to you. On a profile, go into some detail as to what makes you artsy, rather than simply describing yourself so. Talk about yourself so that people are likely to think of you as 'artsy'.


Something that pertains to a particularity in their profile that you share, and ask them a question on it.

I can be funny and interesting to the right people, and can, on occasion, have a knack with words. I'm not Mr Handsome, I'm not Mr Wealthy or Mr Career or Mr Outgoing or Mr Buff, etc etc. I play to my strengths, and trust it will appeal to those it appeals to. Anyone who is looking for what I am not - I have nothing to say to them, nor they to me.

PUA stuff is based on a system which is based on a set of theories about women. I mean, it's bollocks, but I can see the appeal if you literally don't know what to do. It gives you instructions akin to finding buried treasure, or click training a dog (as written by the terminally poor and dogless who nonetheless occasionally find some loose change down the back of the sofa and are on I-won't-bite-you terms with the neighbours' non-judgemental mutt...).

My advice would be to go to an event which the kind of person you're looking for would attend and which you enjoy too (concert, art thing) and just talk to people. Talk about the event, about why you're at the event, what they think of the event, etc. Perhaps compliment on an item of clothing or (I dunno) tattoo, etc. The more you talk to people, the more you'll get the swing of it.

Otherwise Kraftie is right (he usually is). You have to go out there and get experience, and try and learn from it, to build knowledge and good habits from trial and error (and try not to get too downhearted about the errors). It may seem daunting, but it's not going to get any less so until you do something. Do you have anyone you know in your locale - friend, family member - whose opinions you trust and who can give in-field analysis and advice?

what do you consider a 'real' answer? I have seen lots of people try to answer your questions about dating..not sure your lack of satisfaction with said answers makes them false or not real. People on an internet forum can really only base their advice on their experiences or what they've observed there is no 100% flawless advice when it comes to dating.

The real reason? Many people choose to live in a bubble where romance is a vague mystery of chance. If you break it down to a specific set of rules, people become disillusioned and struggle to accept that attraction is a process of selection.

That could explain the hatred or resentment many people hold towards pick up artists but in truth, they are honest.

^In my experiences, it's somewhat the opposite - people prefer to live a life where the Just-World Fallacy applies.

Many people believe your likelihood of success in life is always determined by hard work and effort.

They believe a person who consistently fails at dating must be 'doing something wrong' even if they're doing everything right.

The truth is the just-world fallacy is a lie and the universe is entirely independent of personal thoughts and perception.

There is no 'right' or 'true' way to succeed in love and dating, it is determined almost entirely by luck and a few psychological or biological factors such as propinquity, inherent biological preferences, etc.

I know of physically attractive, confident, socially successful interesting people I went to high school with who have never had a relationship, and there's plenty of jobless, drug addicted hoodrats who seem to get into them easily with no effort on their part.

Noone really knows, that is the point.
Every person has his/her own style of approaching or writing a profile, and everyone responds differently, the "real" way does not exist.

Indeed, PUA tries to give definite answers, but they only work in a small subset of situations, aimed at having a night of fun with emotionally vulnerable women; it is not helpful for getting lasting relationships

All I know is that my current style is wrong. Whenever I write my profile I attract the wrong people and always give off the wrong impression of me.