Upsides of difficulty with empathy

Post Reply New Topic

I'm planning a parent workshop on positive aspects of autism. I want to explore the differences between people with autism and NTs, and examine possible positives in each. The one I'm struggling with is empathy. I'm intending to describe the different types of empathy and how they occur differently in people with autism (i.e. reduced cognitive empathy but intact affective empathy). But I'm having difficulty identifying anything positive about this. For me personally it causes a lot of anxiety, as I know that things I say might upset people so have to work hard to think consciously about the possible effect of what I say, and also I don't always realise when other people are upset, or if I do pick up on the fact that "something isn't right" then I can't work out why.

The only positive I've been able to come up with is that being less aware of other people's thoughts, feelings and perspectives can be less distracting, so you can focus on other things. I'm sure there are examples of people with autism who have contributed wonderful things to society because they were able to do their work unencumbered by the worry of what other people think. But this sounds very selfish, almost like saying "ignorance is bliss - if I don't know what you're feeling then I don't need to care." It also places all of the immediate benefit with the person with autism rather than the people around them.

So, if anyone has any ideas about other positives to a bias towards affective (and away from cognitive) empathy then I'd love to hear them.

Well. For me poor cognitive empathy means I find it easy to fight social phobia(If I cant know what others thing and probably won't see it even if they get angry with me or consider me stupid - why care?).
And it lets me focus on the task at hand.
I remember during singing classes I was able to sing in front of whole class without any anxiety at all while looking at people faces because I was focusing on the song, not on the fact people might laugh at me etc. I just liked singing. And even now I can easily cut off other people thoughts. I can do embarrassing stuff (such as a visit at gynecologist or eating in public) without being embarrassed as long as I decide it's what has to be done. When I turn off my anxiety and social analyzing it's just as if I were alone. Other people become talking dolls or some background distraction.

The ability can be pretty useful in some jobs therefore isn't only profitable for aspie/autie but also the employer.
For example I heard about an autie doing great at information office at train station because he could answer any question(memorised all train schedules) and was not affected by the emotion of angry, impatient customers.

The ability might even make aspie able to do public speaking or be an actor - as long as the person in spectrum doesn't develop social phobia first. I remember people often telling me I have what it takes to be a great actor and I thought I am fated to be famous when I were a child - because I had no social anxiety, could do whatever people say to me without embarrassment ("What the hall was that? Do it again!" = me doing it, unaware they are making fun of me... well, actually I still have that trait) and I couldn't remember people faces (prosopagnosia) while everyone seemed to know me.

Last edited by Kiriae on 13 Sep 2016, 1:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Um, I am very hyperaware of other people's thoughts and feelings, which is actually a pain sometimes.

The other day I had to leave work 10 minutes early for an appointment, and the boss knew but I was still anxious because not every worker knew and I was worried they might wonder why I was leaving early and think I was trying to sneak out early. When I told that to some workers that I'm close to, they just said "don't worry about what everyone else thinks, just concentrate on what you're doing".

So I think I sometimes focus too much on other people rather than myself, and I know that most others wouldn't really think about what others think in that sort of situation.

I have a lot of emotional empathy too. And I get severely affected by other people's emotions.

Kiriae - that was a brilliant response. Reduced feelings of embarrassment and social anxiety were a couple that I didn't think of, and your examples of jobs which aspies might be able to do better such as the guy in the information office at the train station demonstrates that sometimes it can be a real advantage to lack awareness of other people's emotional states!

Joe90 - I realise that not everybody has the same degree of (or indeed any) difficulty with empathy. I'm presenting the extreme case to illustrate the point, but you have reminded me that I need to explain that empathy, like autism, exists on a spectrum. I'm quite interested in the hyper-awareness theory myself. I too feel very sensitive to other people's feelings, but I often misinterpret or misunderstand them, or don't realise the causes of them. I like the way Ros Blackburn explains it: "we feel everything. We just don't understand it."

I also wonder whether we think more about other people because we have to. NTs apparently just pick up on the cues when they need to. We don't, so we have to be more aware than NTs of other people in order to make sure we don't miss something relevant.

The first thing that comes to mind for me is not being bound by social norms. That can be anything from a child refusing to take part in picking on another child because their classmates are doing so, to an adult not running out spending an ungodly amount of money on some new trinket to 'keep up with the Jonses'. It can land you in a place where you stand up for what you feel is the right thing to say/do and not be impacted by how others may not respond well to your words/actions. It can also save you from stressing over unnecessary crap/drama.

I know for some people, it is hard to go against the grain because people look at them weird or gossip about them or whatever, but if you are unaware of other peoples feelings/reactions, I have to imagine it is easier to just follow your own convictions/morals/whatevers and not get bent out of shape over things you cannot control anyway. Life can be stressful enough without other people's nonsense messing you all up.

Thanks dossa. Not being bound by social norms is another brilliant positive. Being honest about what you think and how you feel, not feeling you have to conform, and being your own person are brilliant (potential) positives to a reduced awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings. In reality, I think a lot of aspies do want to fit in with other people but due to lack of understanding don't know how. I certainly felt this way when I was younger, but after learning to accept that I am different to other people (and that my differences in my opinion make me more interesting than most people anyway) I have come to embrace the fact that I don't follow the crowd.

I think a lot of my empathy is rather instinctive. Some empathy has to be forced, but that is the same for neurotypicals too. Sometimes you really don't care, but have to pretend to care, because you don't want people to think you don't care. I know that's being a bit fake but everybody does it. But most of my empathy seems to be wired into me, from a very early age.

My first post here.

I've discovered a benefit of having difficulty with empathy. I'm a senior first aider in my workplace and have been involved in three resuscitations (Two outside my workplace). In each instance I was surrounded by several other first aiders who all struggled with the scene and its psychological aspects. I took control in each situation and was able manage the first aid emergency effectively, I even won a bravery medal for my management of a mass casualty motor vehicle accident.

I doubt this would be beneficial for a health care professional, but I feel that my difficulty with empathy has helped my response to very confronting first aid incidents.