Grandmother of a child on the sectrum

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Hello. As my subject line indicates, I am the grandmother of a child who was diagnosed two weeks ago. I am feeling very guilty, scared, and angry about my grandson's diagnoses. I first visited a lot of informational websites to learn more about autism. Then I realized that basic information about AS would not help me understand what my grandson was going through. I really don't need to hear about living with an AS diagnosis from some 'expert'. I need to hear what living with an AS diagnosis is like from someone who is actually living day-to-day in this messed up world with the challenges that come with being on the Autism Spectrum. I am so glad I found this forum.

Hello, we all face different challenges unique to how ASD affects us. There is no one therapy for everyone, instead, it's tailored to the need of the individual. I want to point out that autism has strong genetic components, so it's possible you already have autistic family members and not even know. I was diagnosed earlier this year with ASD - 1, and after much research, it became apparent to my father and I that I got it from him.

Welcome! Feel free to ask any questions you have.

It is interesting that you point out the genetic component. My grandson has behaviors and personality traits very similar to my youngest brother. In 1970 we just considered my brother a 'bit quirky', but as he grew up his 'quirks' made it very hard for him to fit in at school, work, and social functions. As an adult he began to see a therapist to sort out some of his issues but I do not believe the therapist ever considered autism. Sadly, my brother committed suicide in 2003 at the age of 33. Since my grandson's diagnosis, I have become convinced that my brother was on the Autism Spectrum.

I'm sorry to hear that about your youngest brother. Sadly there is a very large "lost generation" -- which in fact consists of several generations -- of people who lived their lives undiagnosed, and thus unhelped, due to the fact that for such a long time even professionals considered autism to be only of the most severe "disabling" kind, and it was diagnosed only in those cases of very clear impairment of a profound nature.

The actual spectrum with various levels of functioning was not widely considered yet, even though Hans Asperger's had figured out there is a "high functioning" form of autism as far back as 1945.

Despite this, it was only in the early 1990s that Asperger's syndrome -- which is now ASD level 1 -- started to be recognized and diagnosed in children of that time.

All the people who had grown up with undiagnosed autism before this, had to muddle through lives that very often became tragic ones, as may be the case with your brother as you suspect. These were people thought to be all manner of other things, from "quirky" to difficult all the way to insane or even possessed. Yet functioning enough to be walking and talking and even working or marrying -- so autism was never even thought of back then.

I'm sorry about your brother -- things are a lot brighter for your grandson as much more is now known, and much more help can be provided.

Thank You!

Thank You.

By the way, I apologize for the spelling error in my subject line. Oops! I did not notice until after I had submitted my post and I cannot figure out a way to correct the error.

Don't worry about it.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey Slee welcome.

Welcome to WP. I was diagnosed with HFA at the age of 5 and a half. I went to a regular elementary school but in a class with students with learning disabilities though I was mainstreamed for a good number of my classes. I went to a regular high school and a had a few blocks as they call them in the Resource Room out of my 8 classes. I went to college for 2 years in a job training programme for mentally challenged adults. I was bored in that programme. I started liking the work experiences towards the end, but than I was thrown into a glue factory that manufactured diving gear where I was forced to do the most simplest jobs there that nobody wanted to do. I had a depressive episode that took 7 months to get out of because my mum used the toughen up approach that did not work with me. She also wanted me to be like her, even though I identify as Male.

Years came and went. I volunteered at a nursing home for three years, I took a 4 year break and than I cleaned parking lots for 4 years. I recycled for a couple of years and I now work at a local bank where I do simple tasks that I enjoy.

Welcome, I'm glad this forum could be helpful to you.

Thank You AnonyousAnonymous, RoadRatt, CockneyRebel, and mikeman7918.

Welcome to WP, I speak for many of us here when I say that your efforts to understand your grandson better are greatly appreciated, and will go a long way towards helping him adapt to the world.

You need to know that you have nothing to feel guilty for. Autism is not caused by the way a child is raised, nor by the physical environment he/she is exposed to (something to remember, as you will come across a lot of bogus research claiming that autism is caused by air, water or ground pollutants, gut bacteria, or vaccines.) Autism is entirely genetic and neurological, and there is nothing you or your grandson's parents could have done to prevent his being autistic.

That said, it's also important to know that autism does not automatically doom a person to an unhappy or inferior life. There are plenty of autistics who are very happy with their lives, not just in spite of their autism, but because of it. Many on this forum are married with children, and are living what people would consider "normal lives". With the right supports, there is no reason your grandson cannot accomplish whatever he wants to.

Thank You StarTrekker!

I have already learned much from reading the posts here. Last weekend I was trying to engage my grandson in a conversation about his new classes at school. As usual he turned around and walked away while I was in the middle of a sentence. Instead of getting angry at him for what I perceived as disrespect, I realized that my attempt at conversation was annoying him. So I just said, it's okay if you don't feel like talking but I am your Granny and I love you - so it makes me feel bad when you just turn your back and walk away. Next time, could you just tell me you don't feel like talking before you walk away? He then walked back to me, gave me a real hug (he never does that, I usually have to hug him) and said "I just don't feel like talking, Granny." Prior to his diagnosis and my subsequent discovery of this forum that encounter would have ended very differently. One small step in the right direction!