Police encounter

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A police officer stopped my son on the way home from school the other day, asking "are you OK?"

He said, "I am OK" and the officer left.

I don't know what to make of this.

His gait is unusual. He sometimes talks to himself while he walks. His arm motions are not what people expect while he walks. Could the officer have observed this and thought he was in some difficulty? Under the influence of something?

I really don't know.

I am afraid of such an encounter going wrong. He could ask a question that would be perceived as a challenge, then guns drawn... etc.

I am thinking of going by the station to introduce him to the commanders and explain his ASD, but I don't know if that is wise. He is not white. Not white + odd behavior seems to be reason enough to shoot, these days.

I am scared.

Honestly, that sounds like a really good idea.

I'm glad all worked out, though that would make me nervous too!


I also think that would be a great idea to introduce him to your local police!
I would think they would be happy for you all to do that.

This is a good idea, and most police departments have (school-based) programs or public events for children to help them learn about the local police. Do you know the local officers who regularly patrol in your neighborhood? When you're out with your child, make it a point to wave if you see a police car drive by, and if you see an officer in the neighborhood who isn't busy with something, say hello (with your child) and tell the officer you want your child to know who the police are and that they are there to help if there is an emergency.

To understand what they have to deal with also, it's very instructive to listen to the local police radio in your neighborhood. Most are available here: http://www.broadcastify.com/

In the course of the day that the officer spoke to you child, he might have broken up a family fight (a very common call), administered narcan to an overdosed heroin addict, arrested a car thief, quieted down someone's barking dog, and checked up on an 90 year old woman whose children called the police because they hadn't heard from her in a week.

Adamantium, I am sorry. I would be scared too. It seems like in this instance the officer was genuinely trying to help, but yeah, it seems like a dice roll, which is scary. it may be the officer thought your son had some kind of neurological event like a seizure. We get used to how our kids present, but sometimes I think they look more neurologically "odd" than we realize.

i think a lot of it depends on your local police -- if they are friendly from the top down. I think if I were your family, and I decided to do it, I would have you as the parent who takes him because maybe it would be helpful if they knew a white person is also a parent. I don't know if they would treat a black woman with the appropriate amount of respect or not, sad to say.

If you're in a small town, it wouldn't be a bad idea to introduce your son. Maybe the police even have a program where they can take the kid around in a police car. I've heard of these sorts of programs.

Or if a police precinct in a larger town/city seems to be attempting to relate to the populace.

How it's taken, unfortunately, depends upon the nature of the particular police force, as a previous poster stated.

How old is your son? As I recall, he's around 12 or 13. I'm surprised the cop stopped him, actually.

You should train your son in how to respond during police encounters through role-playing.

One thing I can say: your son handled the encounter quite well.

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone.

I think what bothered him most about it, and what bothers me most about it, is that he has no idea why he was approached or what the officer had in mind. He is left thinking, "did I do something wrong?" and, "did the officer maybe think I was dehydrated and in medical trouble?" (it was a very hot afternoon.)

That he has no idea what the officer was thinking sort of brings the whole thing into stark contrast--the officer could not "read" him and he could not "read" the officer.

My guess is that the officer was concerned for his well-being, not worried that he was a wrong-doer of some kind. But it's only a guess.

I would say that was probably the case in this instance.

As long as the cop treated him with respect. That's all we ask, anyway.

As I read this thread, I wanted to know, how old is your son?

Whether to take him to the police station or not may depend on his age. My son in teenage years would have died of embarrassment if I had done anything like that; whereas a younger child might just think it was fun.

That's terrifying to me, in the context of all the violence going on these days.

Role playing, definitely, for your son, in how to handle these things. Also, you might want to work through your school to reach the police in a positive manner. Most schools these days have a police officer that is assigned to the school and will be on the grounds. Usually, they are trained to establish a relationship with the kids. So, this might be a great place to start. Your special education teacher probably has a working relationship with them. Maybe the school officer could think of a non-mortifying way of helping a teen-ager be more known to the local force.

Its also a good idea to suggest the idea that the local force be trained in how to assist people with autism. There are trainings in this available - people who go around doing just that. Or you could go into a training day yourself and give a little speech. I know, terrifying. But if someone is going to do it, why not you?

I have had several encounters with police where they were sure something was wrong because of my Aspergers. I also have a mild tremor. Between the two of them I have been accused of a DUI 3 times. It's a long process of fighting the courts and legal fees. The police have flat out told me I am just a drug user with a clever lie when I give them doctor's notes explaining what is going on. Police training just not cover this and I have come to realize that in their eyes I am intoxicated. All those tets like walking a straight line are VERY open to interpretation and if you are asked to them the cop has already decided you are drunk. It's not easy to convince them otherwise.

Even before I drove many times in school other kids would come up to me and ask what drugs I took. I had a gym teacher take me aside and ask me questions about my home life. Is my Dad nice to me, does he hit people etc. I was around 11 at the time and thought it was odd. But now I realize I must have been acting in a way that made him concerned.

I hope the original poster's son does not have these issues as he gets older. But I do think it's something you need to be ready for. This cop probably thought something was up to so just be prepared to interact with police in the most polite way possible. Lucky for me I have had the support of my parents who believed I would not drive drunk.

Adamantium, are your children of African descent? (IIRC that's not the case, or am I misremembering?) I think much of the police issues are directed not at kids of color in general but towards African-Americans in particular.

I have a close relationship with our police department, and in fact my son had the police called on him for threatening suicide. We are (mostly) white, and the police were polite and professional - but I've seen them act the same way with African American kids in the neighborhood.

If I were you, I'd go suss out the police department. Ask to speak to the highest-up person available (Commander for your district or Chief for a smaller town.) Explain that you have a disabled child and you want to understand how police in your area are trained to interact. Specifically ask if they are trained in "De-Escalation," and if they have any training on dealing with autism or mental illness (yes, two different things, but how police deal with one will tell you a lot about the other.) Ask what the department policies on police use of force are, and if they have a citizen oversight committee - and who is on that if so.

I'd introduce your child after you get a feeling for the department and how receptive they are, but I'd say this: most police departments work closely with the Special Olympics and are fairly used to disabled kids of a wide variety, including autism. I am guessing that the officer in question was doing a wellness check - autistic kids can present as lost (darting eyes, lack of eye contact) and he may literally have just been checking. The fact that he didn't follow your son home is a sign that he's doing his job and that violence is unlikely.

ETA: do understand that police are working for YOU. If you don't like what you are hearing from the person you speak to at the police department, contact your local municipal elected representative and bring them your concerns. Discuss de-escalation training and autism-specific training.