Having friends who are in relationships

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I had two good friends in high school, and I was happy around them because they were also single. But my only friend here in college just got a girlfriend, and he's bringing her to do things that just the two of us used to do together. I'm worried that's he's eventually going to blow me off completely because he has a girlfriend now and will want to spend all of his time with her. What am I supposed to do?

On top of this, seeing them so happy together just makes me even more lonely and depressed. I know I should be happy for him, but I just can't be because I have to witness them kissing and holding hands and doing things like that. It makes me feel like a third wheel, and seeing how happy they are together makes me angry that I can't get that kind of happiness.

I get the impression that this type of thing is saddeningly common, especially during teenage and early adulthood. Friendships starting to suffer and eventually ending because of a significant other getting into the equation.

I feel the least you can do is talk to your friend about it. Either he understands your concerns or he doesn't - either way, you don't deserve to become a disposable object. If he cares about you half as much as he cares about his girlfriend, he'll at least take it upon himself to stop and think.

Much as I understand that a relationship becomes top priority once established, one shouldn't let their friendships suffer because of it. One should find a balance between spending time with and without their significant other.

Yep...I went through the same stuff you did.

I was frequently a "third wheel" when I was in my late teens/early 20s.

If I were you, I would find solace in my special interests, while continuing to seek a girlfriend of my own (without seeming desperate in the process).

That's partly why I find friends to be worthless. Because they always end up with partners and leave you in the dust.

I understand the jealousy and depression of having friends in relationships. Been there, done that, and it really sucks. As you point out, the worst is that you feel like you should be happy they found someone, but can't feel that way. Envy does suck, that is for sure.

I didn't even have any friends in highschool really.

The few friends that I did have who also got into relationships back when I was kid pretty much all stopped being friends with me shortly after. Hurts a lot to just be cut out. I don't have any friends anymore.

Oh yeah, I know how that is.

To be honestly, for a while I really really wanted to be in a relationship even though I wasn't interested in being in one simply because i wanted to have someone who would make time for me.

Now I'm dating someone and I kind of understand why it gets like that lol. I'm working 40 hours a week and I barely have time to see my boyfriend, who is a huge source of comfort to me. Consequently, I have even less time for my friends, who while I love them, they don't give me the same sense of serenity and happiness that my boyfriend does. Luckily my friends are both in long term relationships, so are pretty busy themselves. One is is in college and the other is a housewife.

I stopped being friends with this one guy I knew because he got a girlfriend and started hating me for not having one.

At the OP’s age, every time I saw conspicuous signs that dating and romantic relationships were already a normal part of my peers’ lives, and, for some, had been one for quite a few years, I simply thought, “It’s perfectly okay that some people experience that aspect of life and so is that others don’t; therefore, nothing warrants any effort on my part to try to experience it myself, no matter how much I yearn for it”.

no friends in childhood so none of that abandonment either.

I found that my friends who started dating in late teens / early twenties would still hang around with everyone else. They'd do couple things, but they still would go out with the group.

It's more now we're in our 30s that people have stopped hanging out with the single ones who are left over. The couples have made other couple friends and they tend to hang out more with them and forget about the single ones.

It's a bit awkward when I organise a party and all the couples already have plans, except one and you've got one married bloke at a party with his wife and a load of single women. Now I've written that out maybe the guy likes it lol.

Now to shock everyone here (not so on-topic but since we are talking about social discrimination against singles):

Where I live, many beach resorts and pubs/night clubs don't allow guy(s) to enter if there's no female presence with them.

A guy going alone or a group of male-only friends without wives/female family members /gfs going in those places are seen suspicious and potential harassers/troublemakers.


Thank goodness that I have a good sister.