Can't understand what people are talking about

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Many times I was told that I am deadly quiet in a group. Some say that I'm just an "eavesdropper" - someone who would just remain listening in a group conversation whereas not sharing own experiences.

It's been a challenge for me articulating immense thoughts in my head. I really do desire conversations. But maybe something deeper than usual, something that could wholeheartedly connect us. Perhaps, such are just some reasons for me being silent in a group most of the time. Because a part of me in a verge of joining in, has to observe first before giving a say. However, it frustrates me that most of the time I really cannot grasp what they are talking about that I'd often ask again like a broken cd. Jokes are a big question mark too, especially when I am trying to make one but it turns out as corny. Idk if someone here also has similar experiences. I wanna know from you.

There are people who are listeners and others who are talkers.

You're a listener.

I know a listener who is a full professor and has a doctorate. It took her a while to talk well in groups.

I suck at what you suck at, by the way.

You are articulate in writing.

I'm also pretty silent in groups and am more of a listener.

People tend to tell me their problems - even random strangers or acquaintances I don't know very well.

As I've grown older, I've become used to this role. I used to wish I could talk more. It's hard to form friendships without being able to reveal your thoughts.

I was worried about this for the longest time last year whereby I could constantly worried about whether I could make sense of what people were saying and asked whether I could articulate myself or if the words I spoke. What you might be thinking about being unable to articulate might be your thoughts getting to you rather than something that is actually real. For me I have found that a good strategy to join in is to be observant for the majority of the time and then jump in to conversation when the subject matter is one that I am interested in e.g. history, politics. That way even if I feel anxious I am able to join in a discussion and contribute allot as I have usefully picked a moment where I can share something. For me this has worked somewhat well as I have had some pretty interesting discussions with others and have been able to feel more connected to those around me. In the aftermath too I have begun to feel more able to express myself to others.

If I listened more, I would know more.

I think AS people get distracted with all the individual "words" and end up missing the overall 'flow' of the conversations.

I have a tendency to want to make statements I'm well prepared to back up. However, by the time I start to form a prepared argument, the moment passes or the topic changes.

One alternative is to just ask thoughtful questions that do not require taking a firm stance and preparing to debate or defend that stance. I have to admit, I sometimes have a hard time with this to if I just don't give a s**t about the current topic, but if it was a situation where I really wanted to participate in, I would try a simple approach of being inquisitive.

^^ That happens to me, too.

I'm like this in groups, but much more talkative and a creator of input when one-on-one or with maybe with two other people, but two is pushing it. I've never been comfortable in a group of people. I'm more able to be myself and express myself with just the one or two, as long as I'm comfortable with that person to begin with.

I have more of an issue of missing parts of things people said, and end up auto-responding and acting like I did hear them and hoping I don't seem rude. Like at times when it would be rude/akward to be like 'hey I just missed that last part, what did you say again.' It is a bit embarrassing too when I know I should have been paying attention.

^^ I do that, too!

Yep, I relate to that SaveFerris, the part about "I become too introverted" -- that's me too, when in a group. I have natural introversion but it gets even worse in a group, and it actually moves closer to middle ground when with just one person.

I usually don't talk when I am in group, I can't mind-connect well with others in group, so I prefer being with one, or maximum 2 people.

It just seems like you have trouble with small talk. I have trouble as well.

As far as deep conversations go, most NTs don't seem interested in deep conversations. They prefer various conversational threads that don't require them to think a lot (from what I notice).