Why does this bother people so much

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I don't use deep breathing as a calming method. I was forced into as a child, told I was told that I was a terrible, good for nothing person for not getting how to it. They told I was avoiding it on purpose because "it's easy". It also makes me feel sick, and makes me look silly. And the sound of it, arg. It's like fingernails on s blackboard to me.

Others seem really offended by the fact that I use other methods, and they tel me to keep practicing the breathing, but I've trying it for the past 15 years and can't get it.

I get that deep breathing is a lifesaver for many people. But I don't understand why it bothers people so much when I say I'm not a fan of it. I use music and I don't get all up and arms when someone says it doesn't work for them.

Are you saying that people are bothered if you don't use deep breathing as a calming method? To be honest I've never come across anyone who was bothered by my own lack of deep breathing. How you breathe is a personal matter and it's really no concern of anyone else.

People have their own calming methods. I visualise things mentally to keep myself calm such as imagining myself on a desert island or in the mountains or just doing something I like...its daydreaming. I don't think deep breathing works on its own, but it does seem to work combined with mental visualisation.

I don't think it's really anyone's business if you don't like deep breathing. You do what works for you.

You have some pretty butthurt individuals in your life ... I honestly don't even know what to say about it.

Do you mean deep breathing just to relax or to overcome anxiety\panic attacks?

Deep breathing doesn't work for my mother either, or for a close friend of mine. I also understand that it makes some people more anxious.

The people who are bothered because you prefer not to use deep breathing as a calming technique
sound like they're the ones who have a problem.

I want to punch people who tell me to count to ten. I try to hold back my reaction, because I know I'm not responding to them. I'm responding to situations that happened years ago. But I seriously desire them to have bodily harm, just in that moment. It fades pretty quickly.

I can tell you the satisfaction gained by punching someone is fleeting and quickly turns to guilt and shame

Thanks for the heads up on that one! I guess I'll continue avoiding following up on that impulse.

This is just a guess, but maybe they're bothered by the stimming you do to cope?

I'm really hypocritical in that I get slightly annoyed/uncomfortable when I catch someone stimming.

Deep breathing is shown by abundant scientific evidence to lower blood pressure and slow the heart rate. The evidence is absolutely clear on this. Other effects are believed to be helpful psychologically, but it's not for everyone, and apparently not for the OP.

That rigorous evidence could be a reason why you're being advised repeatedly to try it. I advise you to simply state you are one of the few who do not respond well to it. That remark acknowledges the consensus evidence, while excusing you from further manipulation.

Yeah, this does make sense.

And in fact, according to a book I read on charisma, deep breathing before you have to go out in public, give a speech, go to an interview, give a presentation ... can in fact help you come across as having more charisma. It can be good preparation for some people.

And that's the whole thing. For some people.

For me, I like the other tips from the book, including "taking up space" ... as in, standing with a good, open posture (standing straight with feet firmly planted, shoulders back, arms at your sides rather than crossed, hands open with no clenched fists), and not being afraid of sitting sideways in a chair, or putting your arm across an empty chair next to you ... Of course, these gestures and their appropriateness would depend on the circumstances! (As would deep breathing, there are definitely times you don't want to be seen doing that in public.)

What I learned from reading the charisma book is that some tips work for some people, others work for others ... you need to do what works for you.

Wow, that seems really harsh to call you names because one relaxation technique doesn't work for you. I think that with our different neurologies, we may need more than one technique to get our emotions under control and reduce stress.

Deep breathing is not bad for me, but it's not terribly effective either. Mostly I'm just panicky in addition to breathing deeply. I've come up with my own methods... visualizing pleasant things, making lists of things I like (especially special interest things), and doing something distracting like sudoku, crossword puzzles, reading, or cleaning house. I can do meditation, but generally only if i keep my eyes open and gaze at a focus like a candle or mandala.

Try different things until you find the method that works. What works is nobody's business but yours.

Increased heart rate isn't really a major symptom of anxiety for me so maybe this is why it isn't as effective. I mean, I get the symptom but it is certainly not the worst and one of the last I notice.

I feel a little embarrassed that it doesn't work that well for me.

I have taken several trainings in relaxation, meditation, deep breathing techniques. Every one of them advised that "If this starts making you feel anxious, stop." The phenomenon of the techniques not working for everyone is well understood in professional circles, but may be overlooked by lay practitioners and the general public.

I advise you to "know yourself" and politely dismiss those who are nagging you on this topic.