Separating because my partner believes that sugar a reward

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I have been in a same sex relationship in which my partner adopted the Bio
Mom's child; in fact, she paid for the sperm.

I really love my partner, and I am starting to resent that the two "mothers" are anything but...this AS child is the obsession of both of the mothers.

I was asked if I wanted to take the child to a play when my partner was at
work; I did and the Bio Mom proceeded to bang on my partner's apartment and
beat her and I up; the sad part is that she is a licensed therapist working
with children and this all occured when the child was being put to sleep. I
intervened to the child to calm his fears and redirect the situation. The
problem is that when she finally left; she came back and was allowed back
into the home to say "nite-nite". Needless, to say, I had to be given a
tranquilizer because I was in shock.

To compound my injury, my partner would not allow me to talk about this and
told me not to discuss this in front of the child; I immediately left and
have been out of work, going to therapy, on medication, and working on
separating from this person.

I don't want to be in the drama. Both mothers come from an abused
background and are reliving their childhood through this entitled, indulged,
disrespectful, and self-absorbed little person. This isn't a perception, and from what I have read on AS, it fits his profile but I am not sure that it is due to bad parenting.

He is allowed sugar at all times of the day and night; has no boundaries in stores or
people's homes, breaks all expensive electronic equipment of my partner's
and she questions if I did it; and climbs all over the furniture. He is
someone that I am having a hard time with because of his disrespect to me and my
family. He is never told "no". My girlfriend accuses me of hating
children. My answer is that I like well behaved children and I have clear
limits on what children should be allowed.

This little guy likes me and I am very good with him as I teach him how to
cook and draw and play games with him. My maternal instincts are there but
are not recognized as such. Their love consists of giving prizes for going
to the bathroom.

I love her but know this is a hard road when I have a partner who doesn't communicate, wants me to relocate while she travels 50% of the time, and she is involved in a hateful relationship
in which the Bio Mom states that since she bore the kid, he is hers.
Coincidentally, I emailed Bio Mom and told her that I would back out and she
could have her family back if she did not show this violence; I love my
partner but see the need for two parents. Her response was that I wrote a
novel; and that I should not commmunicate to her on this level again.

Bottom line is that I love my partner and have educated myself on this child's handicaps and strengths, but I have no say as a "step-parent" in a same sex situation. Any suggestions?

Not to be insensitive or make light of your situation, but "Run away as fast as you can!"

yes- definately run, run away and run fast!! !

It will not get better and most likely will get worse. It doesn't sound like your partner (much less her ex) have any respect for you at all and have no clue regarding parenting. The fact that abuse is involved is even more of a red warning flag for you to GO.

Trust me. As someone who lived with abuse for many years, it does not get better and there is no advice you'll be able to get and follow and nothing you will be able to do to "fix things" to make the situation better!! !

You need to find someone who is mentally healthy and can give and return to you the love and respect you deserve.

Y'all sound like you need a time out.

wow!
it's not an easy situation you're in.....running away doesn't solve the problem. your love for the child is evident~who could run away and leave a child with that mess ???
Is it possible you can get your partner to counseling ?....If you could get your partner to see that boundaries need to be placed on numerous areas, I'm certain things would get better. I would first focus on the Bio mom, and the lack of boundaries with her.

I don't know what to say.

It is evident that you can't keep going on with things like they are. The physical violence is a more then a little scary for all parties concerned, but in particular for you and the child.

I noticed where you said that you don't hate kids, but like well behaved children with clear "limits" on what they are allowed. This one worries me a little, as AS children even in the best of circumstances are prone to fit throwing and are often accused of misbehaving or being spoiled brats or a whole host of other things. Some of them seem to need more coaching in what behaviors are acceptable and what are not, and a little extra patience and tolerance is often needed. Now, I am sure this child is really wild due to never being disaplined and jacked up on sugar, but I wonder if even if things where more ideal, would you still be able to be around this child and not go "nuts" from his behavior?

Reading over what you have said, it does not sound like a recoverable relationship. I don't know what else to advise, you are in a tough position with the child, even if you did report the violence and such at this point, chances are you would not be taken seriously. If anything happens again I strongly urge you to report it. Otherwise, it sounds like you are stuck witha couple of adults who really don't see their behavior as a problem, I don't think you can convince them otherwise!

Don't get me wrong...I feel horrible for the child and for shellybee3's situation. However, in this instance shellybee3 has absolutely no legal standing here, and she's dealing with two people who seem to be completely out of control of themselves and their lives. They don't listen, and they don't care. In fact, at least one of them has told her to butt out. She can't do anything legally, she has no say in the matter, and they don't have to listen to her. That's one heck of a challenge. If Shellybee3 has the strength and wearwithall to withstand countless years of fighting, abuse and negativity, then more power to her. I know I couldn't do it.

You don't stay in an abusive situation for the supposed betterment of a child. Sounds like even with you staying there, you have no input, say or control of much of what goes on with the child anyway.

I feel very bad for the child and hopefully they get some help, but it is not a reason to stay.

Sure, running away doesn't solve problems, but at the same time: if you have tried to remedy things and work on the relationship and parenting issues with your partner, and that person is unwilling to accept that there are issues or work on the issues with you, then you are stuck with two options:
stay and accept the situation as is and more of the same or get out, save your sanity and have hope for a better life elsewhere.