So I realize this is mainly a forum for people with asperger's and autism, but I thought that I would ask on here anyway for more possible insight.
I have never been diagnosed with asperger's but I might have it. I have been diagnosed with manic depression and social anxiety. There is a chance I might be bipolar or even have social phobia.
I noticed that every time I'm inside my house, I act like a normal person would if they were outside if that makes sense. On the other hand, as soon as I go outside I feel like I'm on defense mode. I think it goes much further beyond just being insecure because I actually get this general anger, even rage building up inside me as the day progresses. I will be feeling kind of irritated in the morning and by the end of the day, I might have already flipped people off, verbal attacked people or even pushed someone or got in their face if I feel that they have been rude or racist to me (I live in Japan now). I jaywalk, cut in front of people in line, curse at people, etc. and I justify my wrong behavior due to the fact that many Japanese people are racist/xenophobic and even if I follow the rules, they will hate me anyway. My behavior has been the same when I was living in both China and the US as well, so this isn't just a Japan issue.
I think that to a degree, I might have paranoid thoughts, but I don't think it is real paranoia because I never think the TV is talking to me or that people are out to get me/hurt me. I just feel that people are often laughing at my expense for things about me and often this is the case. I have been dealing with it my entire life, so my patience has been wearing thin. I'm starting to take action and confront people in public when they are laughing about me.
This Depakene R (mood stabilizer for those that might not know) has been helping me calm down more, but I believe I might need a higher dosage in the near future, because my behavior is still the same. I noticed that although I'm less anxious in public while on the medication, I am also less hesitant about calling people out, which isn't good either because I don't want to end up in legal trouble.
I have been to jail once and almost went to jail for my bad behavior and I want to change. I am not a bad person, but I have struggled with mental health issues my entire life. I realize most people on here probably have no idea what I am experiencing, but maybe some people on here do and they could give me advice.
Has anyone on this forum ever taken Depakene/Depakote before and did it help you out?
04 Nov 2016, 6:11 am
