My Story (Very long read)

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Hi all,


I am 38 years old, and while I feel that I have come a long way since I was a child in school, I still wonder all the time why I behaved the way I did. My behavior caused my siblings to hate me, and I had no friends in school or around the neighborhood while growing up, because my behavior drove them away. While yes, it's dead and buried in the past, I still have issues to this day.....I can't make friends, I've never been in a relationship, and the friends I do make tend to back away after a while.

Here's my story. It all started when I was around age 2 or so. My mom said that when I was first born, I was very well behaved, and very quiet. Sometime around the age of 2 however, I became very hyper. I was always getting into things and doing stuff I wasn't supposed to. I would get up in the middle of the night and get into things in the kitchen, and would do stuff like take all of the spices and seasonings and mix them all together, and I did this in an attempt to "make milk." (I was 5 at the time, and had no idea how milk was made, and was seriously hoping to one day actually make a glass of milk, even though we actually HAD milk in the refrigerator.)

Although I don't remember this, my mom said that one night, my sister caught me running the garbage disposal and I had came very close to actually putting my hand down in it before she caught me and turned it off.

I went through this phase for a good year or 2.

The real problems started when I went to school. My mom put me is pre-school when I was 4. Her intentions were that she wanted to get me used to being away from "mommy", and get accustomed to being around other kids, and learn to socialize.

Once I went off to pre-school, I didn't really participate in class like kids normally do. When the teacher had all of the kids together reading stories, I would wander off and get into things around the classroom. I was very shy around the other kids and don't really ever remember talking to them. My teacher constantly told my mom that she thought there was something wrong with me, and did not like me at all.

All of this continued all through grade school. I never really participated in class, and spent most of the day off in my own little world, daydreaming about anything you could imagine.....from thinking about stuff that happened in the past, or living an imaginary life. Students would often think I was staring at them or things on the wall, when in reality, I wasn't even paying attention to what my eyes looked like they were focused on, because I was off in my own world thinking. I would literally live an imaginary life, thinking about stuff like fixing things, flying airplanes that had my class mates or other people I knew on them, driving, and even helping people in emergencies.

At recess, I would talk to imaginary friends, or pretend to do things. I would run around the playground pretending to drive my dad's pickup truck, and make the same kind of noise it made. I would also do things like pretend I was working on the truck, or act like I was driving places delivering things, or go around making strange noises. In the winter when the weather was bad and we stayed inside for recess, we would have recess in the gymnasium. All of the other kids would do things such as play basketball, jump rope, ETC, and I would go off on the side where the lunch serving area was and pretend that I was working in a restaurant cooking meals and serving drinks. I did this all the way up until I left grade school and went to jr. high.

At home, I would also make strange noises, and daydream. I had an obsession with appliances, especially air conditioners and furnaces. I liked the sounds of the washer and dryer, and would be known to stand around them when they were running and play with the dials. We got a dishwasher when I was in the 2nd grade, and the first few times my mom ran it, I got a chair and put it in front of the dishwasher and sat there and listened to it and watched it go through it's entire cycle, and used to get mad when they would run it after I went to bed because I wanted to be around when it was running. (Yes I know...sounds OUT there...)

I would also go and sit outside and live an imaginary life of fixing things like cars and lawn mowers, and make the noises of them starting and running. I did this when the neighbors were out, and actually truly thought that I could make these noises and have the neighbors think that it was an actual car or mower running. My mom would hear me and tell me to stop, and I would honestly wonder how she knew it was me making the noise and not an actual car or lawn mower.

Whenever I saw an air conditioner, I would go and check it out and try to see it running. If I was in someone's house, I would always go look at the furnace, and did the same thing when we were in motels. To this day, for some reason unknown to me, I still like the sound of an air conditioner running.

Whenever I was in a building and I got the chance, I would flip any switch I could find and go looking for mechanical rooms for furnaces and air conditioners, and try to turn them on and see them run. I would get into things like plumbing access and turn any valve I could find.

I can even remember a few times when I was 9 or 10, when we were out running errands, and I would actually point out whenever I saw a house with a window air conditioner, and whenever I was in a place that had one, I would look at and play with the controls. I would even draw pictures of air conditioners in school, and talk about them all the time, and would always ask the teacher why the heater in the classroom never cycled off and on like the furnace at home.

I was 12 when I started jr. high (7th grade.) Once starting jr. high, the daydreaming in class continued, as well as doing strange things to try to get attention. I would walk by people at random in the halls that I didn't even know and say things like "Hi weirdo!" I found out that in the jr high all of the classroom's heating units had control panels on them for the fan and temperature, and would play with them before class started and the teacher came in, and I remember one time even making the noise of an air conditioner running all during class and making the other kids mad.

I would walk up and down the halls cussing and talking to imaginary friends, and every once in a while I'd leave class to go to the restroom and go out screaming cuss words in the halls, and then laughing about it.

After my first 3 weeks in jr high, the principal sent me out of the school, and placed me in a behavior disorder (BD) classroom that was at the other jr high in town. By the end of the year, I had earned my way back into all of my regular classes, but I still did odd stuff like run up behind other students screaming at them trying to scare them.

The next year, we had moved to another town, and I once again started off in all regular classes. I think my 8th grade year was the absolute worst year of my school life as far as my behavior. From the very first day, I cussed for no reason, and towards the end of the year would proudly go around saying that there wasn't a day during the school year I didn't cuss at least 50 times. I would bring odd stuff to school just to go around showing it off and laughing about bringing it to school. I brought everything from tools to flashlights and anything I could grab and hide in my pocket - one day it was a light bulb, the next time it was a TV remote, just any little odd thing I could think of. All of the kids used to laugh at me for this, and for some reason, I loved it. I even contemplated one day bringing an old answering machine from home to take it out in class and show people that "I brought an answering machine".

That entire year, I went around telling people that I worked for this heating and air conditioning company in town. I even told them I had my own company truck and went around fixing furnaces and air conditioners after school. None of them believed me, and some of my class mates actually knew some of the people that worked for the company I said I worked for, and asked them if they knew who I was and of course, they did not. But I just wouldn't give it up and kept it up by saying stuff like "oh I know that person, and I told them if anyone ever asked about me not to tell them they know who I am." I even went so far as to wear a garage door opener on my belt like it was a pager and tell everyone that it was my pager for work. Everyone knew it was a garage door opener but I just kept insisting, no it's not, it's a beeper. Has anyone ever heard of someone doing something so "out there" like this?

After my 8th grade year, my dad's job ended up having us move back to our original town. We moved back the week before school started. My freshman year was no better than my 8th grade year. I again told everyone that I worked for a heating and A/C company in town and told them all the same stories. Again, I got the same responses and some of the kids knew some of the people that worked there, who said they had no idea who I was, but I just would not give it up.

All through high school, I would antagonize people on purpose and get them so mad they were ready to knock me out, and when they were about to it, I'd literally take off running away.

During the 2nd half of my sophomore year, we got a weather radio that was also a police scanner. I started listening to the police scanner, and became very interested in what the police and firemen were doing, and by the end of that year, I knew what every secret code was and all the radio lingo, and would even ask a policeman or a fireman if I saw them out in public what their radio number was. I particularly became interested in the fire department. I started telling people I worked for the fire department going out with them on calls and washing the fire trucks. Again, no one believed me, and again, some of the kids knew people that worked on the fire dept, and they had no idea who I was. Again I kept persistent that I worked there no matter what anyone said, and I even went so far as to take an old radio I had and spray paint it black and fix it up to look like a real 2-way radio and would clip it to my belt and walk around telling everyone it was a fire dept. issued radio. When I was about to turn 16! I had this portable police scanner that I would also clip to my belt and go out walking around the neighborhood or around down acting like I was talking on it every time someone was out or a car went by.

My junior and senior year improved just a LITTLE. I wasn't as wild as I used to be, but I still did nothing but daydream in class. I barely graduated by the skin of my teeth, thanks to being in Special Education.


After graduation I went off to tech school. I did very well, and when I graduated, I had barely missed the honor roll club. I decided I wasn't going to act dumb once I went off to school, but I do remember one occasion where I again took my portable scanner and went to the mall and walked around acting like I was talking on it pretending to be a security guard. Even though I decided I wasn't going to act dumb, I was just going to be me and try talking to people, something about me made me come across to the other students that I was an idiot, and they still picked on me and made fun of me all the time.

I am now 38 years old, and for many years now, I think back to these days and think about the stuff I used to do, and I wonder to myself just exactly what it was that made me want to act like this and do those kind of things. I am embarrassed when I think of what all the other class mates must think of me to this day. What I have written here tonight is only just the tip of the iceberg of the kind of stuff like this I used to do.

This behavior got me in a lot of trouble, at school and at home. my parents thought I was just being a brat and that I knew better, so my dad would not get me a lot of the help that the teachers had suggested. But looking back and thinking about it, I really couldn't help it. It was just the kind of person I was and to this day I just can not think of a reason why I acted like this as opposed to living a life and behaving like the rest of my class mates. I kept thinking that the other kids should see the stuff I did as "funny."

To this day, I still have issues like this, but I don't go around acting like I did for the most part. But I still think stupid things are funny.....for example, I think it is hilarious to walk into a public bathroom full of people and turn off the light and listen to everyone's reaction. When I first became an adult, I worked at a casino for a year or so, and I remember one day going in and seeing someone through the stall on the toilet, and filled up a cup of water and threw it over onto him, needless to say that got me pulled into the security office and dang near fired. And I thought it was just hilarious.....why? Thinking back, in college I used to go into the bathroom and see people on the toilets and throw stuff over the rail...one day I even picked up the entire trash can and dropped it over the door.....thankfully the kid didn't get hurt, and no one ever found out who was throwing the stuff.

So there's my story.....I'd love to hear from you all and hear your opinions.

Hey L1011Tristar welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP and thank you for a candid post - interesting how you actually managed to fulfill these fantasies and sustain them so long when others just think about or imagine them. I also often exhibited curious and rather inexplicable behaviour.

Unusual behaviour and an offbeat sense of humour are fairly common traits on the spectrum. We all have our stories to relate and they are generally more interesting than NT ones!