Family treats me differently?

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So I'm Anna, i'm 17 and was diagnosed with aspergers last year. Since I was diagnosed I have had such a positive reaction to my diagnosis and all my family are glad I have finally been diagnosed after struggling with lots of different difficulties both socially and learning wise but my older brother who I used to be so close with I feel like we have drifted since he doesn't really educate himself about aspergers and also goes to uni. But today we had an argument and he used my aspergers as an insult towards me (don't worry he apologised (I didn't accept the apology because using someones disability as an insult is not on. You wouldn't do it to someone in a wheelchair so why do it to someone with aspergers) but I don't think he'll do it again) but it made me realise how much we've both changed and I feel like I can't talk to him about much anymore because of my diagnosis. Also my Dads side of the family some have been understanding and some haven't. Take my Dad as an example he is super awkward about it (I think he may have it as well to be honest) and when he asks me about it and talks to me about it he gets really awkward and changes the subject quickly (may I add he also has a nephew who has severe autism so surely should be more educated about it). So yeah that's him and then theres my Auntie, Uncle and two cousins on that side of the family who haven't spoken to me in years and quite frankly don't give a flying monkey about me so I don't really bother with them. Then I have my Auntie with the autistic son who is so understanding and supportive (even though I haven't seen her much) and just in general doesn't give a damn whether I have aspergers or not which I love. My Mums side are pretty much just like my Auntie with the autistic son and are really supportive and again don't care whether I have autism or not. Does anyone else find that they've found they are treated differently (not so much in a good way) by family? This is not a post to get pity by the way it's just to express my feelings about how I get treated because of my 'disability' (I hate calling it that because it's not really a disability we're just unique).

Heyitsannax

Since my Aspergers diagnosis a year ago, my parents have become more understanding about my struggles I have had all my life, and my father has become much less abusive towards me. Prior to getting diagnosed, my father had expectations of me that I could never reach because of my the difficulties having autism caused me, and as a result he would almost always treat me like dirt.

The recent ASD level 2 diagnosis I recieved after having a much longer, more thorough assessment really helped my mom to exit the denial she has been in for so long, because she always wanted to believe that I was normal when I clearly wasn't and had really been struggling all my life. She is more understanding and accomodating of my idiosyncracies and autistic behaviour(rigid routines, sensory hyper-sensitivities, awkwardness etc.) now. We are much closer because of this.

The only other person who knows is my aunt, who my mom is really close to as am I. She can better understand why I seemed so different all these years from the rest of my family and cousins. She is able to better understand my awkward behaviour and not be unintentionally offended by it hopefully.

My diagnosis didn't change much about how my family treats me or thinks about me but that's probably because all my four siblings and both of my parents have some autistic traits and thus I never was the weird one of the family. My elder brother was diagnosed years before me and his symptoms are more severe. One of my younger sisters has quite different symptoms some of them more and some less severe than mine. She's not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure she'd receive a diagnosis if she was evaluated. The youngest sister is really really intelligent and doesn't seem to be struggling much in life thus far but she also is introverted a bit rigid and over-sensitive to sound. The youngest brother is in some ways young for his age, has stronger interests than his peers and is also introverted. My mother might be autistic but isn't diagnosed and my father also has extreme interests and is introverted.
The only one who reacted in a mean way to my diagnosis (though not directly to my diagnosis; it was more her tendency to get very angry for many weeks about minor disagreements) was my younger (but not the youngest) sister who basically said that I'm not a human being and implied that this is due to my autism. But that's normal behaviour for her when she's in a bad mood. She also likes to say she will get depression and kill herself and that her death will be my fault just because we disagree about unimportant stuff or that I should kill myself because everyone would be better off without me. I'm used to it. She has been saying things like that ever since she leaned to talk thus I can barely remember the time when I still took her seriously.
The extended family doesn't know that I am autistic. My father mentioned it to granny but granny doesn't know what autism is or only has a vague idea about what the more severe cases are like thus she didn't belief him and thought he was exaggerating and just meant I'm introverted. Granny herself has good social skills and is quite extroverted but she doesn't think of herself as completely normal thus she doesn't mind weird people. The only other two people in the family I talk to a lot and frequently are one aunt and one cousin. I mentioned some of my symptoms to the aunt but not my autism and she thinks it's just a self-esteem issue and I think my symptoms are much more severe than they really are - in fact they seem less severe around people I know than around strangers because knowing another persons personality and opinions makes it more easy to compensate for a lack of intuitive social skills. I never mentioned my autism to the cousin, even though he has a few issues himself, because of his political views. I don't think he'd react negatively to me being autistic but I do think he has negative opinions about people like me; he just makes exceptions in his opinions for people he personally knows.

My form of autism is clearly a disability. My brain confuses what I say often, but I'm used to it.

My parents have acted positively about my diagnosis so far, but that positivity is not reflected in me. They love the fact they can now quote ASD like a broken record, to anyone they please. The sum total of their research into autism culminates in watching a documentary about it once, and seeing similarities in me. Now I have a label, it's almost as though they are now expecting me to suddenly be 'cured.'

That's a shame.

It's a bit different for me because there is only literally my daughter and myself in our family. We both have Diagnosed ASD. She was very recently diagnosed with HFA and I was diagnosed with Aspergers 10 years ago.

We both actually laugh at each others traits when we are together. That's the only thing that's different since she got her diagnosis, so it's worked out really. She takes herself a lot less seriously than she used to.

That's nice to hear, I'm glad you get on so well with your daughter. I'm hoping over time my parents might just accept me as I am, but as I have 3 other siblings to be compared against I doubt it. Things could be a lot worse, though.

Didn't vote because I have no formal diagnosis and have not told my family about being on the spectrum. That being said, I don't intend to tell anyone in my family about my ASD because they have been pathologizing my behavior and personality my entire life, and I know their reaction to ASD would be something like, "Oh, that's why you're such a weirdo and have so many problems. Eww." It would simply validate them treating me like a freak my whole life. No thanks. I'll continue quietly becoming more and more successful in life and look at them in the review mirror.

I recieved my 'mild autism' diagnosis just this past June, after 20 years of being under the suspicion that I had a few too many autistic traits and that I was indeed different.

There was a dramatic impact on the way my parents treated me immediately after the diagnosis, and to some degree how others around me reacted to my presence as well.
The first thing I noticed was that my father suddenly stopped spending time with me, hardly at all. We had been getting into arguments concerning my chronic neurologic condition, some of which were bad arguments, but he never went so far as to avoid me like this.
Generally, an interaction for the whole day consisted of him bringing me food and saying hi and then leaving me for the rest of the day; keep in mind that I am housebound and have very few friends to begin with, so I can go weeks without a genuine interaction with another human being.
When we would get into arguments about him not listening to me and not acknowledging that my chronic illness was causing serious problems for my autistic brain, he would start calling me a monster, a drama queen, or someone who had always been too difficult to deal with; this never happened before. He would also say that my illness was not real and that I was simply faking my symptoms or suffering from anxiety or conversion disorder, and that I needed to see a psychiatrist.
This was accompanied by general apathy when I told him I was (genuinely) suicidal and in pain, unwillingness to help me with anything regarding my illness at all, and not bothering to care whether I moved out and never came back. To him I had just become an ugly half-human burden.

With my mom it's about the same story, but historically she has always looked down onto me. She's a narcissist, and for more than a decade I was emotionally, and occasionally, physically abused by her as consequence. She hated me for being different and noncompliant to her demands/desires/etc ever since I was 5 years old. As soon as I really started becoming physically ill she just faded out of the picture in terms of any emotnional support, especially when I refuted her preoccupation with my anxiety diagnosis. She still helps me with things around the house (but it's all about making her house look clean, not me), but otherwise there is nothing but complete spite from her.
I still believe she is also possibly responsible for the way my father treats me now, because she is able to control and manipulate the other members of my immediate family to a high degree. I'm sure she's told my father negative things about me and why I don't deserve any love or help, many times over. There has been significant triangulation in the past concerning her, my father, my brothers and I, so I can't say I wouldn't be suprised if this is true.

Narc. families never work out for the person who has been scapegoated; eventually it might be in my best interest to leave these people, because all I see is ableist contempt from them and an unwillingness to understand my situation. If my safety is threatened, which could easily be the case in a couple of years, I will have to.

Once it was better understood after a few years how I don't understand or know some social skills, why I 'ignore' people, I am treated with more patience and have things directly explained to me.

Yes and no.

My sister {who I believe has ASD herself} believes that all males on the spectrum are weak and always will be.

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 13 and my mom has been in denial about it since.

The general reaction from my family after I got diagnosed was "well, that explains a lot" and then they kept on as things were, which is just fine with me. It was a relief to my mother. She told me "all these years I felt like I was just a failed parent". She tends to tell me more childhood stories about my "idiosyncrasies" as a child now. She called me the "team ass-picker" the other day because I would apparently just stand there when everyone ran around me, when she was telling me about efforts to get me involved in sports. I was both offended and amused. I guess it's sort of a bonding thing. It gives her a way to relate to me.

Would a family member saying, "I don't think you really have that (aspergers)" many years post-diagnosis be a positive or negative reaction?

Same especialy in certain periods of time when my thoughts can fragment midsentence. Almost like schizophrenics would.

Somewhere in the middle. They treat me like I'm autistic but speak to me like an NT

My husband's family excludes him in adult family decisions. We always find out these pow wows took place months ago.

Things to do with his parents. Should we do x, y, z? Medical issues. Topics that you discuss about 80 year old parents. The siblings patronize him. They let him talk in a "bless his heart way", then ignore him.

Part is my husband doesn't deal with these types of meetings well, and if things are need to be done, he doesn't offer to help. So on their end, why bother with him and his anxiety when he's not going to help out anyway?

Before his ASD diagnosis, his sibling would at least try to include him. Now it seems they've cut their losses, and treat him as he isn't a full family member.

The diagnosis gave the reason for the behaviors. The family figures people with ASD can't change. If they don't like the behavior, now they just avoid him.

His one sib told me, "We love him, but we can't tolerate being around him anymore. He's exhausting."