Do you understand flirting?

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Hi, can anyone explain flirting to me? I'm not wanting to do it, I just want to understand when people talk about others flirting. I don't really understand what it involves or what the purpose of it is. Thanks.

Various forms of expressions that attempt to communicate that one feels an attraction to another.
Some more subtle, some more obvious, one example being that of a girl fluttering her eye-lashes at a boy.

the way i understand it; playful interactions with someone you're interested in, intended to communicate romantic interest without being too direct or verbal.

subtlety is key. some people define their 'flirting' much differently than others.

Thank you. So it's a person giving subtle signals to another that they're interested in them romantically. Why fluttering eye lashes? What other signals do people give?

huhm...usually, choosing to sit in seats close to that person. smiling when eye contact is made. "cutesy" remarks and compliments.

you may get much different responses from others.

When I sat in a seat, a girl would sit in the same seat that I sat in the next day, and there was also a case of a girl who kept on sitting in the exact same spot on a bus that I used to take the following time she was on the bus. Even if I were to change chairs, the girl would then sit in the same chair that I changed to the next day, and the girl who saw me on a bus would also always do the same to whichever seat in the bus where she last saw me sit.

Another one is when they are always pointing their toes towards you and looking at you while standing. Had this happen with another girl who was always surrounded by a bunch of guys (not uncommon w/Ukrainiennes).

Well, good grief and geez, now that I think back to this in my life, I could probably point out a whole bunches and tons of different things, but being the so-called alleged «autistic» that I was, I never really figured to just advance upon these girls and invite them into my world just take them into my life, but I think the so-called «mild-autism» had more to do with my insanely unreasonable and abusive-parents than anything to do with my neurology.

Anyway, some of their queues are more obvious than others, for example, I even a remember time in a former college/university when some girl from a distance was looking in my direction and exclaimed: «Woah! That guy looks perfect!» (and she seemed to be all wide-eyed about it)...I was wearing a business-suit that day, with tie, made my nose thin-looking by clamping a binder-clip around it the previous night whilst I slept, and of course I always paid more attention to my hair than to girls for the sake of acting as narcissistic (context: act like I love myself more than anything else in the universe) as possible with a huge ego about how great I was.

Then there was also another time when I was running around town with some dumbbells in my hands as part of an exercise-routine, although this time I just had a white T-short on with black baggy pants and there was another girl at the same college/university who saw me jog past their line in the hall (they were lining up for something, I guess maybe to register for classes, or enroll as students, etc.), and in a rather «sultry» voice like her knees were getting weak, she exclaimed whilst looking at me and my well-toned arms like she couldn't stop herself from saying...: «Holy! That guy's hot...» (I think she also put her hands onto her breasts whilst gawking my way).

Oh, wait, I also remember other times when girls would look in my direction, leaning forward, intentionally making sure that their bosoms were visible, and there were many ways that girls were always trying to get my attention.

I haven't bothered to make much appearance onto any social-scenes for the last decade though. I will probably bother to be out in the public after I have moved to Kansas once I figure out how to transition.

Last edited by Ban-Dodger on 24 Jan 2017, 9:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes I get a feeling someone is interested, but I have no idea of how to handle it. I like to joke around and flirt I guess, but I don't mean anything with it, which of course gets misunderstood. So if a guy act the same way, I think I interpret it as the same.

I'm pretty playful, and I can be a little mean, so I might not be able to flirt with everyone. I come from a culture where people have a lot of boundaries, or at least assume that the other person might have a lot of boundaries. Teasing or saying things that might shock the other person slightly is a way to check if your boundaries match. Start slow.

One more thing. Start slow. Overdoing it will make you a jerk. Not "look like a jerk" but be a jerk.

I absolutely do not understand flirting.

Which is why I avoid flirting at all costs.
It's a train wreck waiting to happen, best I can do is minimize the damage.

As challenging as small talk is it beats a disastrous flirting attempt anyway.

Trying to be aware for cues such as flirty words or body language is so annoying btw.

I've seen some people here on the spectrum that have SOs and I honestly wonder how they traversed the unexplored territory that is relationships (at least in my world)

Avoiding something is usually the best way to come to terms with it. It isn't like autistic people can learn to do anything that they really want to do. :/

I was well into adulthood before I had a concept of what flirting is. And even now, I think I manage to pull it off once in a great while, but I'm not really sure.

i think a many people simply found somebody that stumbled and screwed up just as much as they did, and found a mutual understanding along the way.

If you really want to understand flirting (and especially the signs), read read and read! Find sources and take notes. Then practice on observing this mysterious "flirting" behavior and really try to pay attention.

Why reading you may ask, my good sir (or ma'am, I didn't check your gender)?

I too had trouble in this area and still do. But if you ask your friends in person they will always tell you: It's obvious, or you can just feel it, or sense it. Usually something obscure and overclouded like that.

People with Autism usually cannot sense the brainwaves or aura of someone (Yes, I went from scientific to supernatural in the same sentence). But if you look at flirting with linear and cognitive eyes there may be hope for you yet (There is no emoticon for a thumbs up, so just imagine me doing it).

Thanks for your replies. I'll just think of it as some sort of invisible signals that other people somehow understand. As I said, I don't need to be able to do it, I'm just curious.

I have a partner. She talks about people flirting sometimes. Sometimes she says someone was a "real flirt". I just have a vague sense of it but I kind of have to kind of pretend I understand. Do people who are unavailable flirt? Or do people flirt with others who are unavailable? It doesn't sound like that would make sense, but I thought my partner might have mentioned a situation like that.

I never understood it. But I've been told I come across as flirty. I've no idea how that happens. Perhaps because I joke and smile a lot? But they are genuninely just jokes.

I've started to pick up on people flirting with me, though. When I was younger I thought they were just bullying me. Apparently a lot of girls like it when guys act in a dominant way. I just want to run away from them. Crazies!

If you want to see a real flirt in action, watch tapes of Bill Clinton.