An example of poor eye to eye contact..

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Here is a snap shot of myself as a child in the backyard of the old house of my childhood.
Note how uncomfortable I looked as I was hunched over the handle and would not give eye contact to
the kid at the other end.




I had to just sit on that thing to pose for the shot but seesaws happened to be my least favorite
bit of play equipment. They envolved interactive play with other children and I would prefer to play on the iron rocker on the right any way because I so much more enjoyed rocking on things and I could just so easily playing on my own.
Seesaws just happen to force eye to eye contact with other children which I strongly resisted.

I think i had a pretty bad relationship with the see saw ...I know that i was at first terrified of them....i was also a wuss with the monkey bars....I could not handle either of those till I was a bit older.

i wish i had the ability to scan some of the pictures of me when I was a kid...You'd see all the kids smiling at the camera and me looking down with dark circles under my eyes...or with this blank expression on my face..or..um....yeah..I was always accused of ruining family photos by looking strange.

It was first pointed out to me that I did not make eye contact by some kids in my freshman drama class though....

I've had issues with eye contact my whole life. I prefer to look at an 'object' rather than a person - and I especially like it when I can look at a computer screen or read a book or newspaper when someone talks to me because then I feel like I have a more 'legitimate' excuse to not look at them.

It's harder when there isn't really anything else that I'm 'supposed' to be looking at - I either have to force myself to use eye contact and dig my nails into my arm to distract me from the pain and overload, or I end up looking at a table, or at their tie or something.

What I really hate is when people tell you off for it - I don't understand why they can't just accept that it is something that some of us just find really difficult to do and surely as long as you are a good person it's irrelevant - I really dislike the fact that you are often judged on eye contact as opposed to other aspects of your character.

One teacher when I was 11 really bullied me over my eye contact problems and would call me to sit opposite him and just harass me until I made eye contact even though it hurt and even though I start twitching and ticking with the effort of maintaing the discomfort.

And when I was 25, a doctor actually told me off for it and said I didn't deserve any friends if I was going to behave like that!

What an idiot! I hope you kicked him in the nuts. Why is it that often the people we rely on for help are the ones who are least fit to provide that help?

/rant

I sometimes forget what people look like and get a shock when I look at them cause of my lack of eye contact.

I do this too-the ONLY reason I hold eye contact with anyone is so that they don't think I'm not listening to them, and I only do it with "professionals" (which is prime time to NOT be doing it if they are evaluating me, lol) because I have to focus on them to hear them when there are other things in the room-otherwise I'll stare blankly across the room and not hear anything that they say no matter how important what they are saying is.

The image you posted is a lot like my son looks when he plays with anyone at all, doing anything. He very rarely looks at someone. It's kind of funny at times because he'll come up to me "mom, mom, mom!" and the minute I look at him to hear him, he'll start looking at the ceiling while telling me something With other kids, he'll often keep talking after they've went home and went inside already, all because he's not looking at them one bit-he'll even ask me sometimes "where'd they go?" after he realizes they are gone. He finds it quite amusing.

Eye contact has been an issue with me for as long as I can remember. Although I've trained myself to do it in professional and some social situations, it remains uncomfortable for me. My close friends understand this and therefore I don't have to worry about it when I'm with them. In fact, the first characteristic I heard referred to about AS was the eye contact issue (on a PBS interview I was listening to) and that's what caught my attention and caused me to look into it further.

i'm sorry paul.... bu you just look like a short-lil-cutie who's tryin not to wrack himself on that seesaw!

All this makes sooo much sense to me because I do it too! Eye contact is so intense for me. I also read a book when we have people visiting our house. It makes me not go into overload, which is especially good in my family because we are very hyper family. And are non stop talkers. When I'm out in public I usually stare into space or are deep in my own thoughts to pay attention to anyone else to make eye contact. I think it makes people wary of me though

Here is a picture of me highlighed with a very blank expression on my face. The photographer asked me to smile but I did not have a clue what the word meant. He asked me then to look happy, but I just bounded up and down like a kangaroo flapping my hands. So I had to stay still with that blank expression on my face.

As for eye contact in that photo it was not a problem because I had a strong obsession for cameras anyway and my object of interest was the camera and not the eyes of the photographer and I had even ruined good rolls of film when I opened up the back of the camera to look at "the little birdie inside".

Last edited by paulsinnerchild on 17 May 2007, 1:01 am, edited 3 times in total.

Hey...I wonder if that's part of why I have a hard time remembering people's faces if I'm not around them a lot? Even worse with names though.

I was always bad with eye contact, though not to the extent you guys seem to be describing. Years and years ago it was pointed out to me a few times, and I started getting pretty good (I think) of doing it right, and it's not as uncomfortable for me now either...although come to think of it I couldn't tell you one person I've looked in the eye today...usually see them from my side vision

That could also be face blindness which can be quite common with AS.

I have mild face blindness - I don't even recognise people I've known for ages and I can't picture my parents in my head and have to really concentrate to recognise them.

http://www.faceblind.org/research/index.html
http://www.faceblind.org/links/index.html

in old-new faces test, i got 84%, the average person gets 85%
but i am not able to imagine and describe how my own family members look like, fortunately i recognize them although i see them only once a year (living abroad)

Hmm, well I guess I don't have that, because it says difficulty recognizing people you see often, and I don't. I have trouble with names, but if I see someone enough I'll recognize them.

I don't know whether I'm any worse than normal remembering how people look or not. I think I can conjure up how they look about as easily as I can conjure up a picture of anything else I'm familiar with.

I used to make eye contact with people, but I was scared away from doing it when a middle school friend told me I had a very intimidating stare. You'd think I would be able to get over that one bad experience, but as an adult, I'm still afraid of intimidating people by looking at them.

Now, I have to make a conscious effort NOT to look away when people look at me. It would be great if I could look at them normally without having to think about it first.

Inappropriate eyecontact is one I was often very guilty of and yes they looked very intimidating.