Delayed Adolescence

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When I was younger I did not experience adolescence until about 4 or 5 years after my peers were going through it. I was more or less a kid through most of high school and it wasn't until I was about 17 that my brain started to change. I was a teenager after everyone else was growing on. Anyone else have this type of experience?

In some ways, I feel that I matured before my peers did. Some adults described me as a middle-aged person in a teenager's body. At the same time, I still giggled like a 9 year old at the mention of poop. I also did not care about my appearance or cars or staying out late with friends while those things ruled my peers' lives.

I've gone through it a somewhat slowly. But I have enough fuzz on my face now to require an occasional shave, so not too slow I suppose.

Funny because I was thinking about this today. It wasn't til I was about 22 that my parents said things like "You didn't act like a teenager when you were a teenager." and "Why are you acting like a teenager now?"

Physically of course I matured at an average pace. I think I'm only just now (in my 20's) going through some of the experiences and emotions that my peers must have been going through from ~15-19 years old. And part of that is figuring out what I want to "do" with my life, what I want to "be" when I grow up. And another part is trying to figure out how to build relationships with the people around me and that is really hard and completely overwhelming. In high school I can't remember honestly caring all that much that I didn't have many friends. I had enough other things to struggle with. So there's a lot going on in my mind lately.

I turn 30 this year, and I sort of feel like I'm going through a second puberty. I've never really cared much about clothes beyond what's comfortable, but now I've thrown out half my old wardrobe and scouring the internet for fancy brand-name shirts, nice watches and ties. Suddenly I feel like meeting a partner would be nice, and the prospect of socializing, while no less daunting, has taken on a less sinister countenance provided I can do it on my own terms.

My actual puberty seemed mostly to be an prolonged episode of understanding people even less whilst growing taller, stronger and hairier.

I feel right now like I'm going through adolescence, even though I'm in my early twenties. I feel like I have always been about five years behind my peers of the same age. Physically, I went through puberty with everybody else, but mentally, I think I was left behind until now.

I feel that too, like I've only now begun to feel like a highschooler. Because of this, my bestfriend is several years younger than me, but mentally and emotionally we're on the same page.

I feel that certain aspects of adolescence I'm only reaching now, in my early 30s. I also have dealt with chronic illness since 16, though, which I feel has a lot to do with it.

The problem is that even though I'm still on a college campus (I'm in graduate school), I feel like I have nobody with whom to share the social experiences of adolescence, especially no girls. Most of the girls I meet are so unrelatably womanly I don't know when I will ever find one who is "on my level". Lately the girls I've been attracted to tended to have some sort of intellectual disability, and I'd very much prefer someone with normal intelligence but who just emotionally matures late like myself.

I sometimes teased myself gently about having my teenage years ten years too late, in a nice way because I had my own place and was working so I could afford stuff and had privacy.

Teenage years themselves, my body did its thing without trouble. I spent most of my energy on my schoolwork and then college work and qualification, very much that autistic "One thing at a time" profile, which was a lot more constructive then spending time on all the other stuff and neglecting studies.

I liked the way it worked itself out, in that doing some of that more social reaching out, dating stuff in mid to late twenties meant it was far more under my control regarding the choice of people and areas where I socialised. I was also starting from being generally on my own and could deal with my priority which was finding one or two quality kindred spirits without generating worry by comparing myself to peers who because of their Neurotypucality Spectrum Disorder would have been building more larger networks but perhaps with less deep connections.

I did not like the periods where I felt left out as I observed people of similar age pairing up, while I felt a bit clueless on how to make those initial openings without inadvertantly coming across as intrusive or creepy.

Perhaps I have still to go through the 'teenage stage'. At not stage have I acted like a typical teenager. I have no interest in popular social media platforms, dating, my appearance etc. Probably this is just not a part of my character, and I will never act like a teenager in the typical way.

Physically speaking, I'm already past adolescence.
Chronologically, I'm already past legal ages.
Intellectually speaking, I'm a bit ahead and already graduated college.
Functionally speaking, let's just say I'm a.novice despite having 2 years of working experience.


Yet I'm, some mentally and mostly socially speaking...
It's months after I turned 20 when I start having some thoughts and concerns of a preadolescent girl.
It's still going on that stage now that I just turned 22, and it's still a bit fuzzy. Still, it's still there or going there. I'm not yet in the stage of what a teen would truly think or feel like, let alone ongoing towards adulthood.

I guess I really 'internally grow up' that slow.

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Well, no, my adolescence wasn't delayed. However, I do believe that I am going through an extended adolescence, even though I'm 27, which embarrasses and even shames me to no end. I've never had a steady, full-time job. I didn't finally leave the world of college behind until I was 26. This included three boring and tedious years of grad school and a "gap" year in between when I got my Bachelor's degree and when I started grad school in which I was unemployed for most of that time. With the exception of part of the summer before my senior year of college, the summer after I got my Master's degree, and this past spring, I have lived at home with my parents when I wasn't going to college. And I'm back at home now while trying to find another job in Washington, D.C. where I recently did an internship. I have my driver's license but I don't drive very often and in fact I have never driven by myself because my parents don't let me. I also have never had my own car and wouldn't until I get a steady, full-time job. And most of all, I don't have any close friends and have never had a girlfriend. Fortunately, I have decided to start really bettering myself, especially when I'm able to find a new job in D.C., which hopefully will be soon. I have also decided to find an Asperger's support group when I move back to D.C. Part of my problem is that I didn't accept that I had Asperger's until very recently, even though I was informally diagnosed with it by a school diagnostician when I was 14. I saw a mental health counselor for my Asperger's off and on for about 9 years. But he never really helped me, because I never accepted that I actually needed help. Fortunately, I do now and it's finally time for me to grow up and actually start acting my age.

As a kid and teen, mature for my age
As an adult, immature for my age.

Physically I matured quicker than my peers, I could grow a full beard by the time I was 15. Socially, I'm probably still six. Mentally, I was having serious adult conversations with adults by the age of 8 or 9-- they actually called me "the professor" well before I'd even heard of autism or Asperger's quip about 'little professors.' So my development is all over the charts.