Small talk

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So, I got assessed today at my job.

Some background: I work in a busy/ popular German supermarket as a store assistant. We are expected to not only serve customers but also to run stock and tidy the store. All at the same time. Each year we have something called an appraisal which is an assessment of your job performance.

I have worked there for 2 years. I hide my Aspergers well enough that I seem almost normal.

Ok, so store manager decides to take me somewhere quieter for this assessment. She told me this: "You are one of our best cashiers and you have potential to become a leader in this area.....Your customer service is excellent...however some people have been talking and they say you're cold towards them. Are you timid or something?" "no, I am not great at small talk". The manager has made her goal to make me more "friendly"

I am quiet, friendly and the nicest person you'll ever meet. I do make an effort to make small talk. I am not as chatty as the others. Small talk is like faking a smile to me.

How do I make small talk easier?

You don't necessarily have to become good at small talk. It's more a question of you being nicer towards your co-workers. If someone had a day off sick, you ask them if they are OK when they come back. If something big is going on in their life, such as having children, travelling or illness, ask them about how things are going with those things. It can be difficult to keep track of all your co-workers, so it's okay if you only know about a few of them.

Non-autistic people use small talk as a form of bonding, a way of feeling more at ease with each other. The simple way of playing their game is asking them "how" questions, such as "how was you holiday?" or "how are things going with your wife?" - they will begin talking about what's going on, and you don't really have to pay attention or remember what they said.

Tell your bosses or whoever you have aspergers. Don't hide it

Try asking people questions. Start with simple questions such as 'how was your weekend' and 'how's it going', then eventually they will warm to you and you can ask more questions, then you will eventually have a good idea of people's histories and personal lives, which can help explain their behaviour and motivations.

This might not be something you're interested in now, but if you were a supervisor it would help people to trust you, and probably help you become popular, since people love it when others take an interest in their lives.

I don't see what the problem is as long as you are doing your job and are there to help your co-workers should they need it. Why does anyone have to be "social" with their co-workers? It's not a job requirement. People piss me off. If a person isn't doing their job, they should be turned in to the supervisor - not because they don't talk about the weather with their co-workers over tea and crumpets for Christ's sake. We have one at work right now who has turned just about everyone in for something stupid. One co-worker told me last night that this gal turned her in just for saying to her "what's cooking good looking". My co-worker who was turned in was just trying to be cheery and funny, but the other "nurse ratched" just wouldn't hear of it. Give me an f'n break. My past supervisor asked me once if I had any problems with any co-workers and I mentioned this problematic nurse and my supervisor said "there are 52 of you and 51 have said they have a problem with her". So then FIRE HER! They are so into "team work" and she isn't a team player if she's turning in her co-workers for stupid stuff left and right. Whatever. I just work there.