am i missing out not having sex?

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am i missing out not having sex?

I may not be the best person to answer this but nobody else has and I do have an opinion so why not give it a try.

I am a gay male. I'm also married to a chick. And yes, she has always known I was gay - long story. I can speak to this issue on a couple of levels and you can take it for what it's worth. For a gay man, straight sex was a challenge. Ultimately, I found out that straight sex is a challenge for straight virgins freshly married just like it was for me so, i wasn't weird. But my wife contracted very, very bad rheumatoid arthritis and sex became impossible for us as it caused her too much pain. I didn't really miss straight sex and I didn't miss orgasm for quite a long time. It caught up with me eventually and I did yearn for gay sex again years later.

I've never had gay sex although I can't claim that porn has not been a part of life for me. What I was told by someone (a man I respected,) who had engaged in gay sex and then had chosen a life away from that (he was a Christian who had decided that gay actions were not right for him) warned me that once I started (I had mentioned a desire to at least get it once) he said that I would become forever haunted and trapped by it. I have every reason to believe that once that passion has been unleashed, it is pretty hard to put it back into a bottle.

Now, this is from people who are living a life of same gender attraction and a belief in a conservative interpretation of Biblical statements you must understand.

This is a long answer to a short question but my ultimate lesson learned from both sides of the isle is that, no, you're not missing out on anything much. Yes, gay and straight sex can be entertaining. It can also be dangerous and painful. Life has many, many pleasures to offer and sex is only one of them. Revel in the ones you have access to and don't sweat the ones you don't. Life will be just fine for you.

Probably missing out, yes. Sorry for the bad news. Unless you are asexual, and even then, the experience is freaking amazing at times. Intense to the point of explosion. Excerting to the point of failure. A joy ride that keeps one coming back for more and more.

The last post is very interesting to me. First off, I don't completely buy it. I know what gay sex is like, but I do not know what straight sex is like, and yeah, I am dieing to find out. I feel like I am bi and missing out on that part of my life, but not certain.

Although, I feel for you man @Dave M.R. That story of yours sounds rough. I hope you are happy is all. I am trying my best to be supportive and nonjudgemental, although I am concerned about your mental health based on your story.

Homosexual behavior is a perfectly natural and healthy behavior, plenty of species besides our own do it and enjoy it just fine. It is just a part of life like hetero sex is. Nothing to feel bad about at all. Even most mainline Christian Churches are recognizing that sex is not binary. It is unhealthy to deny one's own healthy emotional drives. The failures of the "ex-gay treatment centers" of the Conservative Christian Movement to "fix" anyone, proves it. You can not fix what is not broken.

The advice of, "Love the one your with": do do, do do, dooh do, dodo, d-do. Yeah, some hardcore wisdom there for sure. The main one you are with though, is yourself. Only you can know if you are happy with the company.

I don't think so sex has never appealed to me and when I tell people I'm a virgin they kind of look at me as though they don't believe me.
I don't wish to reproduce and I find sex a bit gross actually no offense to anyone who enjoys it. Not trying to get into a debate but no I don't think you or me or anyone else who isn't having sex is missing out.

Well.... no. Of course it depends on the person you are with. Sex itself is quite gross, orgasm is quite pleasurable but only for a second. If you consider it just the physical act you are not missing out. There are people who are adventurous, people who live for the thrills and people who just really like it and there are people who don't. Just don't force yourself. You may like it but you may not and if you don't and force yourself there's the possibilty of developing a block, fear or disgust. Really small possibility but still. It's mainly about pleasure but also about trust and emotional bond with the other person, so...don't hire a hooker just to try it I guess?

> am i missing out not having sex?

Not unless that state of affairs is not what you want for yourself. It is a question that you must decide for yourself based on who you know you are and what you want deep down inside.

Each person is unique with their own individual likes, dislikes, beliefs and hopes for themselves and they are all equally as valid as long as they do not directly infringe on the corresponding characteristics of others. It is the nature of the NT world to presume and judge others based on their own views and too often they seek to impose those views on others. Too many people want the world to conform to themselves rather than accepting others at face value. Unfortunately this also includes the gay community. In early 1972 a young gay art student said to me, “I don’t believe in the gay way”. For years I never did understand what he meant because I have always been so isolated from other gays. Eventually I realized that he was talking about uniqueness of mind as opposed to conformity with some pre-defined notion of what it is to be gay that some gays impose on others. It is all about acceptance by others as we are rather than imposing narrow-minded notions of conformity upon others. It has become my strongest and longest-lasting belief in life that the most evil thing one person can do to another is to try to influence or alter the mind or views of others (which is perhaps a byproduct of an Aspie’s dislike of imposed opinion). This also includes today’s preoccupation with ratings, which only serve to show self-doubt. Above all else you should try to be true to yourself and never allow yourself to be manipulated into doing what others pressure you to do for the sense of power, domination and control over others that they gain from it. This is after all the speciality of the NT world. There is a lot of good that people do in this world but there is also a seemingly boundless amount of selfishness and endless ulterior motives.

Personally I have always wanted sex but always within the framework of a true, lasting friendship that has been next to impossible for me to find. Too many other gays have recognized this in me and gone out of their way to deny me what I want just to put a feather in their hat for having dominated me. It is the same thing that motivates all bullies. People have also taken great pride in circulating malicious lies about me that they know to be untrue just for the thrill of seeing me squirm as I must deal with it when they know I am unable to defend myself. Then they use those lies as justification to reject me and further deny me the sex or friendship that I lack. I spent 45 years (I just turned 67) trying to meet people only to have them con me into doing what they wished then denying me the friendship I needed or even the return favor of mutual sex while rubbing my nose in the fact that they do this freely with others. It has been very demeaning as they use me as a pawn to display their carnal domination that comes from lower animal instinct. These are some of the unspoken things that you miss out on in not having sex, aside from the pure joy of sex itself and the potential for forming genuine, meaningful relationships. I have been denied sex and friendship so consistently over the years that I now lack all but a couple of memories from the distant past to serve as suitable JO fantasies. Oddly enough one of my best fantasies was an event 45 years ago in which my first college roommate forced himself on me 2 1/2 years before I realized that I am gay and only a month after I learned to JO (in effect he raped me… twice).

You would think that gay pastors might be more accepting and caring. Over the past 40 years I’ve tried to talk to four gay pastors in an effort to find a low-key way of meeting people. Only one of them impressed me as being truly caring but none of them genuinely understood the extent of my isolation, presuming that I had lived the same kind of free and easy life that many other gays have had. The last time I tried to talk to a gay pastor in 2011, he made a demeaning wisecrack about my Aspie visual nature then failed to reply to the followup emails that he asked me to write to him while putting up a large banner in front of that church advertising “Love And Acceptance” that remained in place for the next year and a half. It left me feeling so totally used. I’m still working on that possibility of meeting people but cautiously planning to write to a different person.

After a lifetime of such treatment by almost every gay person I have ever encountered, it is not surprising that I now view my own people with strong distrust but sadly that is the case with me. In spite of its claims of unity, the gay community has never been there for me and has actually belittled me more than the homophobes have. It's kind of bizarre, but I’ve actually had better luck with straight guys than with other gays and roughly half of the sex partners I’ve had have been straight. They also seem to appreciate it more and show more friendship afterwards. My most enjoyable sex encounter was in 1997 with a 40 y/o married straight guy who worked at the Hershey’s chocolate factory and was in town for a training seminar. Six months later I had minimal sex with a gay Chinese bank worker but in the 20 years since then I have not met anybody at all, certainly not for lack of trying.

Good luck. You may be setting yourself up for the same kind of anguish I’ve always experienced. Whatever you do be sure to hold your head high and always believe in yourself.